A stupid and meaningless mistake from my past is haunting me.
Before being married, but after being boyfriends with my wife, we had a couple of really bad months. I stupidly vented some frustration by sexting with a friend I haven't have seen in more that 20 years (I was about 8 the last time I saw her), she was having a rough time with her marriage back then and well... it lasted some months but then we both realized it was stupid and quit it, few months later I was engaged, a year latter I was married. I'm close to having our first anniversary and that was the only mistake or stupid thing I have ever done to my girlfriend, now wife, since I know her I haven't been physically or emotionally attached to anyone else but her. I love her and cherish her with all my strengths. My friend and I reduced contact with each other progressively up to the point of a simple hi every few months.
A week ago she called me worried because her husband found out about "our thing". I freaked out massively because I had forgotten about it already and it was never something real or serious and we quit that stupid thing by our own will, literally years ago, and to top that we haven't even been in the same state for over 20 years. She told me to cooldown, that she had lend him the sd card of her phone and he somewhat took out the backups or something, she told me that she spoke with her husband and explained everything and despite being obviously pissed off, he seemed to understand that is as never "a thing", it was just a stupid mistake that never got anywhere and she told me she was deleting me from everything at her husband request and I say yes, no problem, after all I really didn't care that much since we barely speak or anything.
Anyway, she called me again yesterday to tell me that what happened was that someone e-mailed him the pictures of our conversations and pics of her, only her, which for the record most of them really harmless of her office and only like 5 truly sexual pics she sent me over all those months. All allegedly taken out from my phone somehow, and that yesterday somebody from another email sent her and him a "video of us having sex", something that never had, have or will happen ever, obviously the video is fake.
I haven't seen the video but she says is another women that looks like her, but the woman is face down the entire thing and supposedly her hands are different, while you can't see or hear the men voice in the video. Of course her husband freaked out is even asked her the divorce. The email taunts him and my wife about it, but neither I or my wife have received anything of this, my wife doesn't know anything about this. Which for me is supper weird because it seems the person doing this only have her side of the info, and doesn't know my wife complete name because I never told my fried her name beyond her first name. I think this person is taunting her that somehow got everything from my phone to further cover it's tracks. I told her to go to the police to see if she can make them find out who is this person sending the emails and even press charges for harassment, but authorities here are a joke unless you are well connected.
I know it's stupid and I'm to blame. I really regret everything and I feel pretty stupid to fall for such idiotic temptation. I have never before or after did something like that, nor I have been with another woman ever since the day I meet my wife. Now, I really don't care that much about them, he cheated on her several times and in flesh and bone before, only she never got proof of it, but I still feel like a piece of shit, even more if they divorce. But my real worry is my wife, she's my eyes, my sun, moon and sky, I made this stupid mistake before marrying her, I know it's not excuse but man... I'm currently at work and she still doesn't know anything, I wrote her a letter explaining everything and asking her for forgiveness because I know the words will never come out of my mouth, I don't have the strength to break her heart and crazy thoughts from jumping off a bridge to running away have crossed my mind, but that's not the answer either and will still hurt her a great deal.
She still doesn't know and may very well never know if I don't tell her, but there's a chance the asshole doing this write her an email too or something.
So I don't know what to do, should I give her the letter tonight? Should I wait a few days? Or never tell her and see if this thing blows over?
More than sad this has me clinical depressed to the point my wife asked me what was going yesterday, because my face was miserable.
EDIT: Oh and I have to go caroline on this and ask to please don't quote anything from the post. I have enough trouble as it is, I simply needed to vent.
EDIT 2: @Cindy don't do anything against yourself. Please, try to keep your head leveled. I know in the spoiler I said something just like it but it's not a good option in neither of our cases. Please reconsider and don't hurt yourself, the universe is a chaos whirlwind but you need to let go the worries for things that are out of your immediate control.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 8574111 times)