I really begin to wonder how the hell I'm supposed to fit into social/familial relationships as a GLBT person in Middle America.
A certain friend is 26(?) and she lives at home with her parents while attending college/recovering from a divorce (which I did basically for court costs, gas, etc, only). We get along nicely.
Tonight we were watching Gilmore Girls DVDs cuddled up on the couch. Very Will and Grace ish.... Her mother decided she had, "held her tongue long enough" and basically told me to leave and never come back or talk to her daughter again [she was not exactly polite and I've sanitized it quite a bit]. It appears the problem is that I am a "fagot." Said daughter/my friend tried to stick up for me, but I didn't really want that on account of her current dependence upon her mom/dad and what would happen to her if that went away. I swallowed my pride and basically said, "Yes ma'am," and said goodbye to my friend reluctantly, who said she still thought I was a good friend. I could hear arguing after I left. I'm running lower on friends than I'd like....
I am rather sad right now, for a variety of reasons. I am trying not to hate people and somewhat failing. I have been trying not let things get to me quite so much, to restrain myself and some of the less than wonderful parts of who I am. I am, you see, partially a nice and caring person, and partially a wrathful bitch. I don't like various parts of myself and I am trying to lessen those parts. This is not helping.... In any case, I think I handled it rather well, though I wanted to tell her off in the worst way.... [sigh]
I am very sad and not appreciating having to chose between endangering a friend's living arrangements and correctly stating that someone is being completely and utterly rude for no reason to me. Forget the free legal services that another attorney could've easily charged a few hundreds, perhaps thousands for. I really liked hanging out with her, because she was nice to me. When she introduced me to her parents as a friend and especially as an attorney, well, they liked me. I was seen as charming and I suspect they were hoping I'd date their daughter/that they'd marry her off to some lawyer. Then the whole gay/only likes men/whatever I am thing came up.... Suddenly that all changed....
I really am not getting this. It isn't like I was being flamboyant at all. It isn't like I was wearing a dress or anything. As a matter of fact, I was still wearing a suit and tie from fucking work (because it's not like I'm gonna change or anything). Really? Really lady? Good to know that through being an upstanding member of the community who absolutely won't take advantage of your daughter/has helped her already, I can be considered as worthwhile as a human being. It's lovely to know that through hard work and being a relatively decent person, one can have a basic level of respect and friendship. It's really good to know where I stand, because here for a moment, I was wondering....
I'm going to have some tea and not think questions I might not like the answer to. Those types of questions are dangerous questions, because if you can't come up with a good answer, then you might come up with a bad one or no answer. Questions like "Why do I bother even trying to be halfway decent or honest when I could make so much more being corrupt and inconsiderate?" or "Why try to be polite and respectful to people even when I know or very strongly suspect they wouldn't be to me?" "Or, what the hell is the point?"
I will never ask myself those questions because there's no point in answering them. I've found the only thing one can do is pragmatically assume positive answers to keep going, and when something pisses me off/makes me sad, use it but don't let it turn inward. Unfortunately, I've found it invariably does turn inward to some greater or extent. Hence the jaded.... I am not happy with this and will use that hurt/hatred to fuel some more legal research tonight. That thing that keeps me going after 10 hours of mind numbing reading or when it's nice outside is forcing something positive out of that hate....
I am sad at the loss of another friend due to parental/boyfriend opinion and am not happy about how it happened to say the least.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 8578259 times)