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[Max White]

I am so sorry Truean.
I really have pity for people like that, knowing that maybe if they hadn't been bought up like that, they would be better people, and now you have to suffer for their ignorance.

[MaximumZero]

For what it's worth, I think you're an extremely noble person, Truean. You just...you may have to use your legal-jutsu to defend yourself from people on your own time. You have every right. (Then again, my reaction probably would have been something along the lines of: *motion towards friend* "Would you rather we fucked, or can I just chill and be neutral with a friend?")

[xtank5]

I may need to get a second bone marrow transplant if one of my blood tests shows that I am rejecting my current one.  That would mean staying where I am, keeping my CVC, and waiting to find another match.  If the test doesn't show I'm rejecting the transplant, then I'll get my CVC out and have the best shower I've had in a long time.  I'll also get to go home to my desk and I'll be more productive in my robotics and programming pursuits.  The other thing that's got me down is my blood counts have been trending downward over the last few weeks.  That leads the doctors to speculate about rejection.  I hope it's just some sort of natural thing, and my counts start trending up in the next week or so.  If not, they might keep me here longer.  I don't know how much longer I can stand to be here; the apartment is small, the WiFi is slow, and there's nothing to do.

I really want to go home. 

[Gunner-Chan]

I'm still just... Amazed at how what's usually the best time of day instantly becomes the worst time of day just by the absence of one specific person. If I wasn't so stubborn about my sleeping schedule (As in I can't seem to alter it at all) I'd just go to bed. But...

[Heron TSG]

By the gods, Truean. I'm sorry to hear that. At least you handled it well, I suppose. Any chance of still hanging out with said friend elsewhere? Perhaps at your house, away from the crazy bitch that is her mother?

I'm going to have some tea and not think questions I might not like the answer to. Those types of questions are dangerous questions, because if you can't come up with a good answer, then you might come up with a bad one or no answer. Questions like "Why do I bother even trying to be halfway decent or honest when I could make so much more being corrupt and inconsiderate?" or "Why try to be polite and respectful to people even when I know or very strongly suspect they wouldn't be to me?" "Or, what the hell is the point?"

Well, I've an inkling of an idea. Perhaps you try to be decent and honest because you are a decent and honest person. Perhaps you are too principled to stoop to corruption and hatred. Perhaps you care for other people. This is no crime, to be sure. You may earn the ire of the unreasonable, but so long as you stick to your guns, you will be in the right.

[Simmura McCrea]

It's far too early to be up for a class with no particular reason to be there.

[Pnx]

For some reason the last couple of nights I've been overheating in bed. Which is really weird because it's pretty chilly around here right now. Somehow no matter how much I was out of the covers, I still managed to feel hot, while feeling cold from the cold air on my skin all around. I have no fecking clue what that's about, maybe I'm sick with something.

[Vector]

Didn't sleep enough.  I'm going to have to go to class, and then probably come back and go back to sleep again.

[ChairmanPoo]

Choices are distressing.

[Telgin]

Didn't sleep enough.  I'm going to have to go to class, and then probably come back and go back to sleep again.

Same here, except once I got out of class (right now), I've got graduate research to vainly attempt to catch up on.

Stayed up way too late last night using a memory trainer / editor to try and find out how practical it was to force relationships in DF.  Made small but nonzero progress.  Then my pony died in a community fort.    Kinda took away all the enthusiasm.  I actually felt sad.  At least she died fighting for her home, even if she was foolishly trying to hold off a giant feathered antelope all on her own and got what she asked for.


TL;DR: Ponies and DF made me sad.

[RedKing]

Working the late rotation this week. 1pm-10pm. Bleah. At least maybe I can put in some time on my Aurora game if it's slow (gaming from flash drives FTW)

[Vector]

The thing I hate most about this is realizing that graduate school is going to be even worse.  Like, five times worse.  I feel stupid now... just imagine what it'll be like then =/

[Telgin]

For what it's worth, I don't find graduate school to be all that much harder than undergrad.  It's just more work.  Sometimes a lot more work.

The classes are usually sort of research focused.  It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but not really all that much harder.  It's just you'll generally end up with a term project for each class (with slacking group members who ride on your coat tail) in addition to having to read and present two or three academic papers to the class.  That's how the upper division graduate courses are anyway.  At least here.

The entry level graduate courses are usually almost indistinguishable from the upper level undergrad courses.

Anyway, the thing is unless you're doing a Masters of Engineering, you'll have a thesis for the MS or a dissertation for the Ph.D.  That's where the soul sucking long hours for little visible gain come in.  I've invested a couple of years into my research and had one paper rejected and another potential paper dead in the water because I can't find any decent way to use my developed tool set to perform actual scientific study of anything.  And when I do try it on real data, of course the program crashes and is impossible to debug because my tool is tracking the behavior of a few thousand threads across hundreds of conditional branches...

But that's just my bad luck with a Ph.D in computer science.  I really feel inadequate compared to the other students in this research group.  Some of them have 5 or more publications.  And I just sit here, wasting time on this forum because I just don't know what to do.  At least my research advisor has me starting on another project that might be more promising, but I don't have any enthusiasm for it, which was my worst nightmare.

I just have no energy to continue doing research at all.  And it terrifies me.

Sorry, guess that didn't really help, did it? 

[Vector]

Yeah, well.  At least there probably won't be any more endlessly stupid undergraduates who can't stop fucking asking about point breakdowns (seriously?  Your grades don't matter that much!  Cheer if you get a good grade, and if you get a bad grade, figure out if you actually did anything wrong, but just keep going).

THEY ARE UNBEARABLE

Oh--oh wait.  I'd probably be teaching them.  That'd be even worse.

[Truean]

Thank you all for being nice to me; I kinda needed it.

Vector: I think I'd enjoy hanging out someday, somehow. Unfortunately, California doesn't have what's called "reciprocity," so basically I'd have to take that state's bar exam no matter how long I've been practicing. Also I only really know Ohio law. You know what I don't care. I don't want to think about technical stuff like I always do.

[hugs softly] Thank you. Hanging out sounds like fun. I know you don't like rom coms, so we'd watch something else. 

Maxs Zero and White: Thank you for being nice. I sometimes forget that not all straight guys are mean. It's nice to be reminded.

Barbarossa TSG, you just aren't giving up on me are you? [hug] Thank you.