To the extent that the conversation's about Tiruin (and not all of it is, if I'm reading correctly), I think there's something to it. There's an element of reducing her to a character to the whole thing? I'm not sure, but at some times I've felt like the same sort of idealization is something that happened to you, Vec. Not sure if it's a similar experience, but the whole This Is What You're Known For thing can be constraining when meant as a compliment, and it's something that's notably absent from the "benign" examples of forum Living Memes like Aqizzar, who seemed to be basically treated like a regular dude who was
also Internet royalty, or at least that's my recollection of that bit. It's a mode of relating that I know I tend to fall into a lot, at least, so maybe I'm projecting more than I am identifying a real problem, but it does seem easy to start thinking of people as a collection of Notable Roles than as independent souls sometimes. As far as that goes, no, it's not something that was bugging only you. I also wonder about the extent to which it bugs Tiruin, if at all.
To the extent that it's about the Sad Thread and listening, that's definitely a thing. I'll waffle on what I use the thread for; sometimes it's just because I have a nagging thing I need to at least get out there, sometimes it's a more heartfelt need for acknowledgement or advice. I keep up on this thread as well as I can, and I'm only able to reply to a fraction of the posts here. This kind of dovetails with what I was talking about to Objective a while back, but we're all in the position of throwing bottles out to sea here more than we are face-to-face on a couch or something. Often, there will just feel as though there's nothing I can say. Sometimes I'll make a token post to express sympathy in general, because good lord does this thread deserve that. But when I am capable of making a coherent response, I do it in a particular way. Often, an overwrought and too-elaborate way, but it's what happens when I try to express what I feel. It is, by no means, the ideal, and I'm sure I often fail to help at all. I am sorry to anybody I haven't done anything for! You deserve better. More than doubly so to people I've inadvertently made to hurt worse, whether by apparent condescension or any number of other things. I feel I have to
try though. I might not help if I try, but I certainly can't if I don't.
I like what you say about listening. At the heart of it, that's something I try to do, and what I really want out of it. At the end of the day, all these lengthy paragraphs I write boil down to "I hear you, bro." At least when I don't get bogged down in my reflexive attempts to offer constructive advice to people who aren't asking for it.
The fact that it is not obligatory is what makes it a gift, and what gives it its own value.
This is a true fact, I think. But, anyway, I've been rambling long enough - the point is, I think we do need to listen. For whatever it's worth, I try.
Geez, for a post about listening, I sure do talk about myself a lot... Oh well.
PS No worries about PMs, most times when I send those it's more about letting somebody know that somebody else cares than it is about getting a reply. I'm glad they were read - that's the important part. Also, I'm a terrible example of sending those out, but thanks anyway >__________________>
EDIT: I know that feeling, Jopax. It sucks. Punching yourself will probably not help you achieve the straightening-out that you actually want. If being angry with yourself is something you need to do, then that's okay - just don't overdo it. I really don't have good advice. Not sure if you want it. But good luck.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 8612819 times)