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[Spehss _]

I'm starting to see why suicidologists don't tend to commit suicide.

Suicide is fuckin' difficult, man. Even the best method, shotgun to the head, is not foolproof.
But I guess that it's possible to consume cyanide, hang yourself and shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun in a shed rigged with timed explosives but honestly you'll probably get caught during the preparation and get chucked into rehab.

Yeh, there's always a chance of not dying from the attempt to kill yourself. You could go for this rasputinian death of complete overkill but even that could not work. Or just be really really painful. And there's always the matter of how other people would react upon finding the scene of your rube goldberg-esque suicide machine. Suicide scenes are usually not pretty, and can be really traumatic for the people who do the finding. Also people have been known to shit themselves at death due to the loss of bowel motor control because they're dead. Shit's embarrassing.

Anyway, moral of the story is you should totes not kill yourself, my homeslice. You're too cool for that. Fo'shizzle my nizzle.

[Boatsniper]

[JoshuaFH]

How the hell do I keep making so many stupid, simple mistakes? It's just feeling more and more like I can't trust my ability to reason or intuit. Like I can't trust my own senses.

It's like, I get confronted at work by how I'd started making mistakes on this routine thing I do every day, and I'm thinking that that's just not right, I just don't feel I'd made any mistake, and I reach over to my grape soda for a drink, and I find that I'd bought Root Beer by accident. I had to hold my face in my hands for a minute after that.

[Xantalos]

Shit, I hate being in love/limerance/infatuation/whatever fancy term I look up on the internet in a futile attempt to convince myself of the futility of my feelings.
I don't even know what set it off, but I just was extremely distraught for over an hour straight because of the intensity of what I feel and the inevitability that I'm never going to be able to express them.
I think I just have problems with expressing my emotions in general - when I get sad I apparently never show it physically, but it actually hurts physically, deep in my chest, from how hard it is to keep this shit inside. I know I should probably do something to show them, but I don't know how I'd do that and I'm too afraid to do so.
It's kinda funny actually, me repressing my feelings causes me physical pain but I'm too afraid to express them. Kinda circular, ain't it? I suppose it was also the fact that I was so damn tired after working several days in a row (I know that 4 days in a row might not be much for some people, but I was tired anyhow), sad over the whole romantic bullshit situation, and mildly pissed at myself over being unable to properly process/express this gigantic fucking bundle of emotion that got set off when I saw that I'd have to cancel plans I had with my friend (same one I'm infatuated with, might have something to do with this) because of my work schedule. That must be why I got so damn emotional that I couldn't even keep a coherent thought train going for more than five seconds at a time. Can't even really now. Never cried though, which is kinda wierd, you'd think sadness of that level would lead to crying.
Maybe I've just repressed myself so thouroughly that I just won't be able to do that again. That'd be shitty, never being able to communicate how I can feel my blood pulsing through my ... something you normally don't feel blood through, eyeballs or something, when my thoughts involuntarily drift to the possibility of us being together, impossible as that is - or as has been the case recently, just thoughts of me telling her what I feel, which also isn't gonna happen. What's the point of having such intense feelings toward another person if you can't communicate them?
I know intellectually that I'm not broken or a lesser person for having a hard time expressing my more sensitive side to people out of a fear of rejection and hurt due to emotional trauma I got while I was growing up (hint, going out of your way to make a kid feel worthless throughout their childhood will leave them with self-esteem issues and shyness at the least), but sometimes I can't help but feel emotionally that I'm stupid for even hoping to be with her when I'm so fucked up. I don't even feel ugly or anything, I have a great bodily image of myself, what with the karate I do there's no surprise there, but I tend to perceive myself like a broken clockwork toy at times - the gears are still turning inside the thing, but there's no outward expression of those gears because it's broken, and it hurts it to turn the gears because there's no way for it to express outwardly what the gears are doing inside it.

Shit I'm lonely.
Also tired. This is gonna be wierd to wake up to in the whenever I wake up.  Sleep now.

[scrdest]

I'm starting to see why suicidologists don't tend to commit suicide.

Suicide is fuckin' difficult, man. Even the best method, shotgun to the head, is not foolproof.
But I guess that it's possible to consume cyanide, hang yourself and shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun in a shed rigged with timed explosives but honestly you'll probably get caught during the preparation and get chucked into rehab.

There's a guy who tried almost that kind of a setup - poison, gun, hanging, on top a cliff.

He managed somehow to shoot through the rope, fall into the sea, drink some seawater, vomit out the poison because of that, get fished out by some boat... then died of hypothermia. Darwin Award.

[JoshuaFH]

Actually, one thing I wanted to talk about was this TED Talk I watched recently on Netflix, It was in the "The Capitalism Paradox" series, it had a speaker going at lengths describing how the increasing abundance of choice in our lives was destroying our happiness, that just being aware of that whatever we do it's possible we're making a sub-optimal choice undermines the satisfaction we can acquire from any possible choice we DO make.

I really connected with that TED Talk, cause it's what I've been trying to put into words forever now. That there's so much freedom in life it destroys the satisfaction of living.

Does anyone else feel like that at all?

[Descan]

[Dutchling]

i love the freedom to just not do anything at all

i could have accomplished so much

but bed

[Orange Wizard]

No, I think it's more that slaves have really purposeful and fulfilling lives, whereas free men are swamped with choice and crippling depression.

[scrdest]

Funny how people expressing that opinion rarely are former slaves, no?

[Orange Wizard]

thatsthejoke.png

[SirQuiamus]

Inequality is fairness, oppression is caring, deprivation is privilege, truth is the strongest form of rhetoric...

Welcome to the post-postmodern world! _...bitches.

[Rolan7]

People glorify what they don't have.  The grass is always greener, and all that.

[Helgoland]

Eh, around here I've often heard people say they like ALDI better than other supermarkets because it has a smaller selection. You go in there, you take what you need, you pay, you leave.

Spoiler: Horrible category theory pun (click to show/hide)

You could say ALDI's a natural supermarket, because the process involves no choices.

[MaximumZero]

I am very, very done with this fucking car. Died on me again today.