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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 5340402 times)

Naxza

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70410 on: March 11, 2014, 08:55:00 pm »

So I'm going to be homeless again. I failed my classes and lost the stipend from my parents, and all because of stupid social anxiety. I don't have a laptop, so working on my game while I'm on the street is out of the question. Really, nothing is going the way it needs to, and I pretty much feel like killing myself every day. I don't know what to do, since getting a job would require me to get over my social anxiety for longer periods than going to classes did, and getting a job that lets me work from home requires time a qualifications I don't have. I just can't seem to do anything right...

Oh jeez Allee D:

Homelessness looks terrifying and I'm really, really sorry that it's something you have looming over you. Is there anyone you can stay with? Any places that'll support you?

Stay well. Please stay well. You've always been an insightful addition to the forums here and I'd hate to see that taken away from the world through circumstance or your own hand. I know you'll persevere given time and options, and I know you'll find a way.

I'm sorry I don't have much more to offer than my concerns and best wishes. About all I can suggest is checking to see if your school has a location where they handle computer surplus. You may be able to get a laptop inexpensively through them.
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AlleeCat

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70411 on: March 11, 2014, 10:10:34 pm »

Any friends you could stay with temporarily? Parents won't offer at least some support besides just leaving you homeless? You can't talk with the school about the situation? I can't really give any other helpful advice.
My parents have offered support, but they don't like the fact that I've signed up for three separate school quarters and failed all of them, and he only job I've had I've only held down for a week. They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work. (I know at least my stepmother does; she has both.)
I also have one friend who lives with his mom and whose mother can barely support having five other people living in the house, especially when four of them are adults. I've been able to stay a night or two at a time there, but never long term.

Pnx

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70412 on: March 11, 2014, 10:17:06 pm »

They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work.
Ugh, so much this. Also the thing people do where they think that if you understand an anxiety/fear is irrational, it automatically means you've overcome it.
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My Name is Immaterial

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70413 on: March 11, 2014, 10:19:32 pm »

Remember Bay12 always cares about you.
Stay well. Please stay well. You've always been an insightful addition to the forums here and I'd hate to see that taken away from the world through circumstance or your own hand. I know you'll persevere given time and options, and I know you'll find a way.
I'd like to second these.

Tack

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70414 on: March 11, 2014, 10:41:44 pm »

The author of Pictures for Sad Children (Sad Pictures for Children) had a breakdown, defaulted on his kick-starter, took down his site and hasn't been heard from since.



But I hope he's OK.
Despite him stealing a few thousand dollars from people.
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Tiruin

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70415 on: March 11, 2014, 10:45:04 pm »

Any friends you could stay with temporarily? Parents won't offer at least some support besides just leaving you homeless? You can't talk with the school about the situation? I can't really give any other helpful advice.
My parents have offered support, but they don't like the fact that I've signed up for three separate school quarters and failed all of them, and he only job I've had I've only held down for a week. They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work. (I know at least my stepmother does; she has both.)
I also have one friend who lives with his mom and whose mother can barely support having five other people living in the house, especially when four of them are adults. I've been able to stay a night or two at a time there, but never long term.
Allee, I fully support you here however I have to note, and by thorough basis on the matter of depression state that: You have control over it. Only that you feel like you don't and are influenced by it.

There are underlying problems to the failure--why did it happen? [But the wrong part is that you didn't INTENTIONALLY fail school {as in, you directly chose, meaning apathy or whatever, to fail} but there are external factors influencing the decision]

Defend your stance, many just don't understand those stuffs. (Yea, even though it existed since when literature became widespread [or..well, the ancient philosophers took note of this in a holistic way)...
Also, PMs, if that's ok with you. :S
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 10:56:21 pm by Tiruin »
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mastahcheese

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70416 on: March 11, 2014, 10:57:59 pm »

Two days ago, for whatever stupid reason, one of my coworkers (in direct violation of policy) had a Taser with him and was playing around with it being an idiot. I don't know why, but seeing that brought back a lot of bad memories from my past, and ever since then I've been in this sort of "attack mode", where I'm constantly checking over my shoulder to make sure nobody is sneaking up on me, whenever I'm holding something, I hold it like the way I would hold a weapon, and I'm finding myself sub-consciously watching people to see parts of their movement that would leave the best opportunity to attack, in case they decided to attack me.

I feel completely paranoid, and I haven't felt this way in years, I haven't done this in so long, and I don't want to.
Even in my own home, I'm still watching every corner, every window, making sure I know where every possible weapon is, and where every slight noise is coming from.
I feel like I'm some kind of person with PTSD or something, I just want this to stop, and I don't know what to do.
Normally, whenever something like this happens, I just try to get my mind off of it, but nothing is working, it's dominating my mind to the point where I just can't concentrate on anything anymore, and even my hands are trembling trying to write this.
And that was two days ago, and it's only getting worse.
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Might as well chalk it up to Pathos.
As this point we might as well invoke interpretive dance and call it a day.
The Derail Thread

Mr Space Cat

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70417 on: March 11, 2014, 11:37:10 pm »

Having one of those moments where I can't enjoy anything, question what the hell I'm doing with my life, belittle my self-worth and general competence, and wind up wasting time doing things I usually would have interest in but can't enjoy now because it's just not enjoyable and I suck at it.

All games are boring and uninteresting, I suck at music and can't work up the initiative to do anything with it, and I suck at art and can't make anything I'm satisfied with. I can't even freehand a relatively straight line and I'm just redrawing still shots of anime. Looooooser~~~, right. Totally unprofessional art that would never improve skills, right. Don't even get me started on my lack of progress in music.

I don't even know, everything just seems like a waste of time and effort that doesn't accomplish anything. All the stupid dreams and plans and interests I might have for the future are stupid, worthless, hopeless, never going to happen, never going to get anywhere, etc.

What am I doing with my life. What am I going to do with my life. Why bother. Fun thoughts and emotions all around. Probably should just go sleep, it's almost midnight anyway.
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Knit tie

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70418 on: March 11, 2014, 11:44:39 pm »

Now, Mastahcheese, I've seen a fair amount of troubled people in my day, and I can tell you right now that what you're having is called hypervigilance. It's an unpleasant condition primarily caused by, as you said, traumatic memories triggered by something that features in them, a tazer, in this case. You are constantly and irrationally on high alert because the pathway in your brain that's supposed the alertness off is not functioning properly. I never had this condition myself, but I know a guy who used to, and the good thing is that hypervigilance is perfectly treatable, both with counselling and with drugs, and any psychologist worth his salt can help you with that. So I'd advise you to go and see your GP as soon as possible.

Alleecat, the same goes to you. I have, several months ago, had a depression nadir so massive that I was literally unable to move, let alone do anything productive. But, again, a competent psychologist or counsellor will definitely help you with that, as I can say from experience, and I am sure he will help you explain to your parents what exactly you are going through. It may be tough to do the first time, but you need to get some help. It'll do wonders for you.

And Bay12 will always be with you, no matter who or where you are. I know neither your names nor faces, but if a guy or a girl comes up to me and says "I'm from Bay12 and I have nowhere to go", then, well, did you know that my dacha can house 24 people in separate rooms and has a fully-functional finnish bunker just in case things get really nasty?
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 11:48:18 pm by Knit tie »
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mastahcheese

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70419 on: March 11, 2014, 11:49:24 pm »

Now, Mastahcheese, I've seen a fair amount of troubled people in my day, and I can tell you right now that what you're having is called hypervigilance. It's an unpleasant condition primarily caused by, as you said, traumatic memories triggered by something that features in them, a tazer, in this case. You are constantly and irrationally on high alert because the pathway in your brain that's supposed the alertness off is not functioning properly. I never had this condition myself, but I know a guy who used to, and the good thing is that hypervigilance is perfectly treatable, both with counselling and with drugs, and any psychologist worth his salt can help you with that. So I'd advise you to go and see your GP as soon as possible.
I've never heard of that, but I'll be sure to ask about that.
And I've talked to my main doctor, not about this in particular, but about other things, and I've got an appointment set up with a psychologist some time later this month.
But talking to people seems to help, so I think it may be starting to get better. Someone was kind enough to talk to me about it, so I'm starting to ease up a little.

And what in the world is a dacha? My spellcheck recognizes it as a word, but I've never heard of one.
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Oh look, I have a steam account.
Might as well chalk it up to Pathos.
As this point we might as well invoke interpretive dance and call it a day.
The Derail Thread

Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70420 on: March 11, 2014, 11:52:55 pm »

I have PTSD and yeah, Knit tie knows what he's talking about.  I recommend seeing a counselor, too ._.  I was able to do a lot on my own, but I really wish I had started going sooner.

A dacha is a Russian vacation house :]
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Knit tie

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70421 on: March 11, 2014, 11:59:54 pm »

Well, dacha is a very interesting concept. It's originally meant a small soviet wooden countryside house that had no heating and thus was uninhabitable in the winter, but in the summer it and the piece of land that came with it was the only private property you were allowed to have during socialism. Since you could do whatever you wanted with the land, most people chose to grow fruits and vegetables, and since they did it with so much passion, the products were of a much better quality than what you could find in shops. So dacha is basically a small farm you own and visit in summer.

Nowadays dachas can be of any shape and form, from the masive baroque tower our neighbour has (the locals call it "Dmitri's dick", because it is) to what my dad built after my mom had finally nagged him enough - three very big and fancy wooden cabins with pretty much everything except wifi.
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Knit tie

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70422 on: March 12, 2014, 12:01:18 am »

Yeah, PTSD was something almost everyone in the place where I once worked at had. Mostly from war, but some was from the general senseless violnce that drowned the streets of our cities during the nineties and some from, well, sexual abuse and rape.

Vector, you are always welcome on my dacha, too.

Actually, I think I might have some pictures somewhere.

EDIT: Goddamn doublepost!
« Last Edit: March 12, 2014, 12:05:11 am by Knit tie »
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Gentlefish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70423 on: March 12, 2014, 12:08:01 am »

Yeah AlleeCat, my PM is open. I can't offer you much more than that and my hope that it really does get better for you. You've been dealt a shitty hand and I hope that it starts looking up for you.

We really do care about your well-being. I hope something good comes your way.

Knit tie

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #70424 on: March 12, 2014, 12:11:52 am »

In fact, just talking to people helps. It's like natural immunity against mental diseases.

also, here's a picture of the view from my dacha.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2014, 12:16:36 am by Knit tie »
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