First of all, this post is not meant to look for help or advice or whatever, it's just, I don't know, it feels good to tell other people what's wrong, and I'm kinda glad I can do it here. It's easier to write it down than telling, and it's easier to tell you strangers than my friends. I guess I'm just weird.
Anyway. A year ago, I was a lazy ass good-for-nothing guy spoiling his time doing useless things, procrastinating everything, not giving a damn about school, and stuff. But failing the first year in university on every single course made me see that I needed to do something about it, and although I'm still lazy, I work regularly, go to school (unlike the previous year), and although I'm far from a workaholic, everything gets done, and most of it in time.
So far for the good part of the story. Now there's my girlfriend. 19 years old, sweet, cute, beautiful, and so on. Problem is, she has exactly the same as I had, only much, much worse. I did everything, I encouraged her to go to classes, to study, to work for what she wants, but it doesn't help a bit. Hell, I threatened with our relationship if she wouldn't study, so she studied one single day. After that, same story. Well, combine that with Cortisol, and you have trouble.
Cortisol is a stander hormone that everyone needs to worry about dangerous things. It's the hormone that lets you go home to put off the gas, it's the one that stops you from driving trough a red traffic light - whether or not there are other cars, and so on. The normal concentration is 13-18 mg/l (I think it's mg). She has 58. Simply put, she worries about everything. There are pills that can actually halve it, but even with meds she still has double the normal dose. And still she can't get herself to studying, even though she constantly worries about the consequences.
And now she's depressed. Heavily. Not to the point of suicide, but enough that she can't enjoy a normal day anymore. Every time she fails something, it gets worse. And I can't get her to work, even though she realizes she will fail again. She got both her car and motor license on first try, but that's not what's important to her - she only sees the bad stuff anymore. And I feel it's kinda cutting in me as well. I used to be the most optimistic guy ever, last week I actually cried every night. I was 8 when I last cried. This thing is ruining her life, and I can't do anything about it.
I don't even know why I wrote this. None of you can help, or even give some advice I didn't already have. But I guess I just needed to tell it. So, if you read till here, thanks for reading.
Author
Topic: Need some ranting. (Read 1417 times)