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[BuriBuriZaemon]

Hi guys,

You may call me full of drama or completely ignore this topic. I can understand. All I want to do is to share this story, to hopefully ease my pain.

It began when I met this amazing girl when I was still in my home country. We fell in love and started a serious relationship. I had my fair share of romance before and I could feel this one was different. Call it intuition if you like.

To cut long story short, her parents didn't approve the relationship. As an attempt to separate us, they were sending her to study to Australia. After a series of miracelous events, I managed to go to Australia for her as well, unknown by her parents.

It was as if we were meant for each others, until I betrayed her, left her for another woman I barely knew. I failed to establish a relationship with the other woman, but through it I realised that my ex was actually the one for me and regretted my decision to leave her. She was actually still waiting for me. Her unbreakable will to win my heart was admirable. I feared that I would hurt her again so I hesitated from getting back with her.

After a lot of efforts, she convinced me to reestablish the relationship. However, due to the loss of trust thanks to my earlier betrayal, the relationship became very turbulent. Instead of putting efforts into improving the relationship, I let myself to get too occupied by work and study and barely had time for her until eventually she broke me up.

I didn't feel anything at first. Four months later (a few days ago), I found out she's already with another man. Suddenly, it was as if my eyes were opened and every single harm that I did to her flashed before my eyes. Since then, I've been weeping for the pain I caused to her.

I was too selfish to leave her for another woman. Too ambitious about my study and carreer. Too blind to see that she was the most precious thing in my life. At the end of the day, I achieved academic performance I had never imagined I would have before and secured my chance to live in Australia, but I lost my soulmate in the process.

Now I am left wondering, what am I doing in this foreign land?

[Duke 2.0]

Why are you telling us?
 Tell her.

 I'm no good at advice. All I can say is you did come out of this wiser, knowing well enough when you find a person who deserves better than yourself and knowing to treasure it. Just apply this, as many people do fall to repeating these mistakes for the rest of their life in grief. don't let this wreck you. She would not want that. Even if she hates your guts she would not want that as you would not want that for her.

[Dasleah]

Move on. You sabotaged your first chance, and squandered your second.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

@Duke
That's very good advice. I've already told her about this. I would like her to know that I was wrong and she was and still is precious.

@Dasleah
I was about to move on, until I asked myself, what I really wanted the most. If I just let her go, I would make an even bigger mistake.

I know she has a boyfriend now but when I left her for the other woman, she courageously tried to win my heart back. She didn't care about that woman, she only wanted me. And now I believe it's my turn to do the same for her.

Patience and persistance are two of the greatest warriors of all time and through their services I shall redeem myself to her.

And If I failed, then at least I wouldn't die not knowing.

[ChairmanPoo]

I was about to move on, until I asked myself, what I really wanted the most. If I just let her go, I would make an even bigger mistake.

Actually, no. YouŽll make an even bigger mistake if you keep on dwelling on it. You ditched her. Now' your other relationship went fubar, and you want to fall back on her. But you can't really expect her to stay on reserve as a "safety gf" (Think about it. How would you feel if SHE had dumped you for another guy, then returned to you when that other relationship did not turn out as expected?). Move on and wait for another chance (with someone else, or even with her, but on new terms)

[BuriBuriZaemon]

@ChairmanPoo
I think you might've misunderstood the timeline. The relationship with the other girl didn't take off at all and then we went back together at her request. Unfortunately, it didn't work out and we broke up.

I'll indeed move on with my life but stay on the lookout for another chance, as you suggested.

Thanks to all who have responded. I've felt better now just by writing it here. 

[Armok]

My advice is this: Follow your heart, never give up.

[Strife26]

Ignore the idiots.

Try to move on, but remain in such a way that you're still available.

Don't let hope fall.

[Dasleah]

Try to move on, but remain in such a way that you're still available.

hurp durp diddly derp a boop

Seriously though man, move on. She's over you. You only started to care about her again when you discovered that your safety-blanket of a girlfriend had moved on and found happiness elsewhere - all of a sudden, the easy path you thought you could just fall back into whenever it felt most convenient to you was gone, and you panicked. If you really wanted to be with this girl, you wouldn't have wanted for 4 months until she was unavailable to attempt anything. Don't throw excuse of 'oh I was giving her space' and 'oh I was just respecting her position' because that's bullshit. The moment you start making excuses as to why the other person doesn't want to be with you, the relationship is over, and you're either too blind, stupid, or stubborn to accept it.

You cheated on her the first time. You ignored her the second. Third time is not the charm when it comes to relationships. You've established a pattern of behaviour that is just screaming to us - and her - that you're unreliable. That you're nothing but talk. That for all your sweet words and professions of being a soulmate, that you're either not serious about it, not ready for it, or just flat-out lying about it.

Don't look out for another chance. Don't hang about waiting for her. She has moved on. She is not waiting for you. You failed. You fucked up and yeah, it's a bitch. But if you ever truly felt anything for her, you'll realise that no matter what you feel, you just aren't the person she needs. She deserves better.

[Footkerchief]

After a lot of efforts, she convinced me to reestablish the relationship. However, due to the loss of trust thanks to my earlier betrayal, the relationship became very turbulent. Instead of putting efforts into improving the relationship, I let myself to get too occupied by work and study and barely had time for her until eventually she broke me up.

The relationship with the other girl didn't take off at all and then we went back together at her request. Unfortunately, it didn't work out and we broke up.

You need to elaborate on this.  What made things fail the second time?  Have those issues changed at all?

[BuriBuriZaemon]

@Footkerchief
It didn't work out because I was too busy with my study and works. Being in this country involves 'do or die' on my part, so it must have put so much pressure into myself, I sacrificed the people around me to achieve what I have achieved. My bad, really. Anyway, don't worry, the issue is settled.

Thanks, guys. I appreciate all of your advises, no matter how harsh. 

She and I have just talked about this seriously and it is now clear that she won't be back with me. All is lost for me. A valuable lesson is learned, though: Never take things for granted.

I can finally smile because I won't die not knowing and I can finally move on. 

[x2yzh9]

Yay... Happy endings and stuffs...

[BuriBuriZaemon]

Yay... Happy endings and stuffs...

Lol! Well, not exactly. But I appreciate that you tried to inject some humour into this thread. One will never grow up until he has a good laugh about himself.

[Footkerchief]

She and I have just talked about this seriously and it is now clear that she won't be back with me. All is lost for me. A valuable lesson is learned, though: Never take things for granted.

I can finally smile because I won't die not knowing and I can finally move on. 

That sucks, but it sounds like you're taking it the right way, so good job with that.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

That sucks, but it sounds like you're taking it the right way, so good job with that.

It does, but I believe everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't have been in this country if it wasn't because of her. And trust me, I took a big risk to get here. At first, I thought the reason was for us to be together. But if that's not the reason, then there must be something else.

The universe may conspire to help me achieve my dreams and I still fail. But the universe also conspires to help me pick myself up. I weep today, not because of what happens to me, but because of all the people around me who have been willing to listen to my stories. From my best friend to a stranger I met at campus to you guys, Bay12 forumers, who I've never met in person, you all helped.

And I would like to thank you for every second spent on reading what I've written, every bit of encouragement, every piece of advices. Wouldn't have gone this far without you peeps.