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[Sir Andrew Ryan Farnsley]

Hey man I went through almost this same thing only I was lucky enough to have this girl come back 3 or 4 times, and then have her leave me a few times and then her come back to me and blah blah blah. Went on for almost two years and ended in a explosion on her birthday... That was in October. it's been 2 months and we still barely say a thing to each other... I'm still a little torn (a lot torn) inside from all this and so is she... We've gotten to the point where we've been through just too much to have things ever be the same again...

My advice, cuz this worked for me... Find a new girl to be with, and before you get too far into the relationship, let her know that you were torn apart by this whole thing, and you're looking for somebody to help piece your heart back together. Spend time with her, tell her your hopes and dreams. If she'll listen to it talk about what you liked or didn't like about the last girl. Slowly (It's been about 3 weeks since I've cried, I'm able to suppress a lot of the thoughts now) you'll get back on your feet. Trust me, having a new girlfriend is always a great way to get over the last one...

Again sorry to hear about all that mate... I know the feeling... 

[Cheeetar]

Advice: Don't dump your feelings on another person. Don't make them responsible for how you feel. If you need to talk to someone, go see a therapist, don't make it somebody elses problem.

[Footkerchief]

Advice: Don't dump your feelings on another person. Don't make them responsible for how you feel. If you need to talk to someone, go see a therapist, don't make it somebody elses problem.

And in particular, don't dump your feelings on whoever you rebound with.  Just about everyone will view it as a red flag if you launch right into talking about your ex and how much baggage you have.

[EagleV]

More advice: music. Alexhans told me it was a good way to help you trough the difficult moments, and it really works. One song in particular that helped me a lot was written by Trivium: "Ascend Above the Ashes". The music is not extremely good, though still nice, but the best part are the lyrics. In short, they elaborate on Kiplings' "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I know I'm trowing some clichés together here, but those are clichés that hold truth, and they might just help.

Best of luck.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

Thanks, Sir Andrew. I'm glad that I'm not alone. I do hope things will improve for you.

Unfortunately, I believe Footkerchief and Cheeetar are saying the right thing. I once did the thing you advised me to do. It did help to distract me from my heartache, But I felt that I didn't accomplish anything and I ended up hurting the girl I was being with.

I don't think I'm ready to love again as of now. I failed love recently and I need to rediscover myself again. Funny thing is, I was wiser two years ago that I am now. I don't think it's fair for whoever I end up with the next time if I just use her to erase my pain.

If I do find love again, I will of course share my past, but not to make myself feel better, but to show her the journey I have gone through to get to her, to show her how my life has brought me to her, to make her aware of how special she is.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

More advice: music. Alexhans told me it was a good way to help you trough the difficult moments, and it really works. One song in particular that helped me a lot was written by Trivium: "Ascend Above the Ashes". The music is not extremely good, though still nice, but the best part are the lyrics. In short, they elaborate on Kiplings' "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I know I'm trowing some clichés together here, but those are clichés that hold truth, and they might just help.

I agree with you. Metal isn't really my thing, unfortunately. I guess I'm a sensitive guy after all. But I did find listening to Rob Thomas - Little Wonders help. Thanks for your advice. 

[Muz]

This reminds me of a love story a friend told me. The moral of his story was that he wanted the girl just because he couldn't have her. I don't know if that's your case, but you show strong symptoms.

Symptoms:
- You went to another country for her. Once you got there, you actually left her for someone else you didn't know. Thrill of the chase?
- When she tried to get back with you, you hesitated.
- Once you got back with her, you didn't focus much on her. We all do that, but not to the point of breaking up.
- Biggest symptom: You didn't even feel that you lost her until you found out she was with someone else.

It sounds much like the "I want her because I can't have her". Sadly, I haven't seen a cure for it. Maybe step back and take a look. If you're lucky, she's not even the right girl for you.. you possibly want her because your instincts are telling you to chase her.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

Muz, good analysis, but I don't think it is the case. I had done enough fooling around before we were together and once I met her, I decided to settle down. It's just I managed to corrupt myself along the way.

Before we came to this country, we were together for a good six months and I could say that was one of the happiest moments in my life. We had some happy times as well when we just came here. The rest were ruined by my selfishness and ambition. I didn't feel I lost her after we just broke up because I was still controlled by my selfishness and ambition and probably was in denial about what I felt about her.

My clarity is back now and I can see she is the right one for me. But love can't be one-sided, so I just have to move on and learn to be a better man.

[Muz]

Ah, ok. But well, there's no such thing as her being the right one, but it only being one-sided. Unless she secretly loves you too. If that's the case, wait and see. She's probably on rebound anyway.. people don't really get with someone in a few months.

But yeah, better to move on and learn from your mistakes. You did get back with her and it didn't turn out so well. Even then, her parents didn't like you for a start, so that's bad in the long term. There's some really tough obstacles here. If you believe in fate and destiny, it could well be that this is just a learning experience. Maybe you're meant to study far away from home. Maybe it's a lesson for the next girl you meet.

[BuriBuriZaemon]

From the look of it, she hates me. She's been acting cold to me and being cold is out of her character. Probably it's a 'political' move, because she doesn't want her past to interfere with her current relationship. Nonetheless, I don't see any chance she'll go back to me.

I deeply regret I lost her because of my faults. It would've been easier if I was the one hurt. I never go easy on myself about mistakes, whatever the case is (not limited to a relationship) and particularly at this magnitude. The guilt trip is a big pain!

But yea, time to move on. Millions other have survived so will I. I started working again today and I've been talking to my current and old friends.

Ironically, she and I are working at the same two places, although for different positions. One of the jobs is fine, because I'm working indoor and she's working outdoor. But my new job on Wed will involve us working in the same house (our boss'), although very likely not on the same days.

Oh well. Come what may! I'm the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.

[eerr]

Of course, the same for her.