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Author Topic: Intentionally crappy forum romance fiction  (Read 20241 times)

Heron TSG

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #15 on: January 23, 2010, 06:55:55 pm »

Jackrabbit cocked his Luger.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but it must be done.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Est Sularus Oth Mithas
The Artist Formerly Known as Barbarossa TSG

Gunner-Chan

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #16 on: January 23, 2010, 07:11:45 pm »

I say, this shuld be redone on the New VN, New VN style...

It's dead. Leave it.
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Diamonds are combustable, because they are made of Carbon.

Armok

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #17 on: January 23, 2010, 08:10:02 pm »

It's not dead! have you checked it lately?
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So says Armok, God of blood.
Sszsszssoo...
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III...

Gunner-Chan

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #18 on: January 23, 2010, 08:26:52 pm »

No, because it's dead.

A few live corpses life does not make. So stop derailing.
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Diamonds are combustable, because they are made of Carbon.

Aqizzar

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #19 on: January 23, 2010, 08:34:56 pm »

I say, this shuld be redone on the New VN, New VN style...

Also, some rules:
 3. ...nothing based around VN or forum culture. We don't want this to become like the roleplays of old.
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And here is where my beef pops up like a looming awkward boner.
Please amplify your relaxed states.
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Little

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2010, 08:40:24 pm »

Wracked with cold and soaked through, they would surely die. But at least this way they would die wrapped in eachother, huddling for warmpth as the seas lapped at them.
 Together NewMars and Little defied those that wished to drive them apart.


D'awww, cute.    :D ;D
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Leafsnail

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #21 on: January 23, 2010, 10:16:10 pm »

So... generic crappy romance stories randomly mad libbed with the names of forumites?  Cool.
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Little

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2010, 11:38:18 pm »

I say, this shuld be redone on the New VN, New VN style...

Only if we can do /!  :D

Anyways:

The lines of battle for the great duel were drawn, the mighty Baron Aqizzar's honour impinged by the challenge of a commoner! The dusty arena was bare except for a wooden divider down the middle, signaling to the cheering masses that this was to be a gentleman's duel, a test of skill in the mighty art of jousting over a fair lady's hand. The conversation that had led up to this battle of courage and skill had caused much controversy, sparking whispered gossip in the castle court and raucous laughter in the village pub. According to witnesses, the scene was set when the Baron asked for the fair hand of Lady Sofia in marriage. His proposal was rudely interrupted when a page of the court burst out laughing, and the Baron demanded that the fool who dared mock his manliness be brought up in front of him. The crowd reluctantly dragged up Squire Cthulhu to the front, the Baron stroking his mighty chin as Cthulhu snickered. After a moment, the Baron boomed out, "What causes you to mock me so?"

Cthulhu responded with the phrase that would turn a minor stain on the Baron's reputation in the court to a smear on his honor, "Ha, you'd have no chance with Sofia." The Baron leaned forward and smacked Cthulhu across the face with his Mighty Chin. The court had gasped! Squire Cthulhu had been challenged to a duel by the mighty Baron!

Mow the challenge had been set, the horses prepared, the signs put up, the crowds mustered. The two combatants rode out on their steeds, the Baron dressed in his regal armour, armed with his deadly chin and riding his warhorse while Cthulhu was dressed in a peasant's rags, riding a horse that looked like it had lost many a fight and seemingly armed with nothing. The crowd grew silent, and the trumpet blare that signaled the start of battle echoed off the arena's high ceiling, the echo only  interrupted by the rush of the horses charging! As the distance between the fighters closed, Aqizzar readied his chin and Cthulhu's skin seemed to start bubbling. As the courageous duelers came within striking distance, the Baron began to swing his chin but Cthulhu's head seemed to explode before the chin touched him, a swarm of tentacles erupting out the side of his head and wrapping the Baron's head in the writhing mass. The duelists jumped off their horses simultaneously, both using their great agility and skill to land on the wooden pole, the pole creaking under the weight of the Mighty Chin.

The pair struggled as  Fair Lady Sofia yawned. She lazily scanned the crowd, looking for sexy amusement. She noticed a rather-fine looking lady in a green jacket, staring intently at the battle. The Fair Lady left her skybox and began to walk through the crowd, peasants parting respectfully to allow her access, the naked fear in their eyes amusing her. After a few moments of walking, she reached the lady in the jacket, planted a soft kiss on her cheek and whispered a few corrupting words in her ear. The two linked  hands and walked back through the crowd to a blank door. Fair Lady Sofia reached inside her dress and pulled out a key, unlocked the door, and dragged in naive Vester behind her. After a moment, the shrieking, gasping and howls began, and the commoners walked quickly past the door, crossing themselves.

In the arena, the battle raged on, but Baron Aqizzar had the firm advantage, battering Cthulhu with his Mighty Chin. After one final, graceful blow, Cthulhu fell to the ground and surrendered. The Baron ignored the pleadings of Squire Cthulhu and smote him with the Mighty Chin. The crowd gasped, and then began to cheer, but the Baron ignored them. He looked up to Sofia's  now-empty skybox as the crowd cheered, but did not see her. The Baron glowered and boomed out his demand to be lead to where the Fair Lady was, and an intrepid adventurer named Jackrabbit led him to the room and then fled. Baron Aqizzar briefly debated bashing down the door with his Mighty Chin to see what all the screaming was about, but the Baron had no gotten to his noble position by doing foolish things.  The Baron shook his head and went back to his room to contemplate regal affairs. It was better not to pry in this castle, or you'd end up like Count Sniper Joe, just vanishing out of thin air to never be heard from again.
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WorkerDrone

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2010, 11:46:01 pm »

Hey now.

Two things.

One. SJ isn't mentioned here anymore. Just don't.

Two...Why didn't I show up as an angry raeging Constable?
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Little

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2010, 11:49:20 pm »

One. SJ isn't mentioned here anymore. Just don't.

 ???

Two...Why didn't I show up as an angry raeging Constable?

I'll fit you into the next one!  ;D  :)
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ToonyMan

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Re: Intentionally crappy forum romance fiction
« Reply #25 on: January 24, 2010, 02:18:50 am »

The ring of the gun rung out.  WorkerDrone killed the last guy in the wedding.
"WHat a hassle to kill all people in wedding."
Now I can finally marry my trye love.  There she was Sofia all in her dress nice.
COvered in blood.

Everyone was covered in blod. 

WorkerDrone propped all the bodies to what you call normal places.  Most were seated so it was easy.  The hard part was the dude that talk and Sofia.  He managed to use rope like some type of you know not a puppet, but everyone cals it that.

He played his part and when it was over

shot himself.

TOgether forever.
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Cthulhu

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2010, 02:44:15 am »


Words.


y u kil me ???


I guess I'll write a story tomorrow, to warm up for  that paper I gots to write.
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Shoes...

Little

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Aldaris

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Re: INTENTIONALLY CRAPPY FORUM ROMANCE FICTION
« Reply #28 on: January 24, 2010, 05:47:17 am »

but Baron Aqizzar had the firm advantage, battering Cthulhu with his Mighty Chin.
Sig'd.
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but Baron Aqizzar had the firm advantage, battering Cthulhu with his Mighty Chin.
^Totally not out of context, promise.
The Liberal Crime Squad Community game, now with a Liberal Overdose of Liberally aplied Liberalism. -Liberally. (UBER-Hiatus, next update somewhere between now and 2012.)

Cthulhu

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Re: Intentionally crappy forum romance fiction
« Reply #29 on: January 24, 2010, 10:58:59 am »

At least I died for the glory of face-to-face trolling (Truly the most honorable of trolling methods).  It's how I want to go in real life, saying "lol u mad?" as the trigger pulls, and with my final breath whispering "yeah, u mad"

Anyway, I said I'd write one, and the longer I spend on this the longer it'll be before I have to write that report.  Let's do this.  I've got the basic premise and the first paragraph already planned out, I'll wing it from there, but for some reason it's going all Max Payne on me, and there's nothing I can do.  Bear with me on that.

The True Cost of Sexy Love
A Noir Romance by Cthulhu


The night was weeping.  A sharp clap of thunder resounded overhead, a choking sob punctuating the cold air's lament.  She was dead, and the whole world seemed to have come to a standstill, the buildings themselves appearing to mourn.  Duke, though.  Duke was done mourning.  It was time for action.  They would all pay.

Duke stood on one knee atop the NewMarsCo Center, one more cold tombstone in the vast cemetery that was Bay12 City.  He reached down and felt the dark stone.  It was slick, like the pavement where she fell, but cold like, well, like wet stone.  It can't all be noir for you, sorry.  The ones responsible were just below him, secure in the belief that he could never threaten them.  They would never know how wrong they were, Duke would make sure of that.

It all began the week before, in a meadow near Creative Projects.  Duke and Vester were frolicking, as young lovers in meadows are wont to do.  His golden helm was gleaming, her green vest was, uh... gleaming...

Hand in hand, they skipped through the fields, unaware of the steely whistling of razor-sharp wheels on hot asphalt.

Gaily they frolicked, heedless of the iron dragon and its cyclopean rider.

Finally, they reached a road, and I could stop with the duality.  In the center of the road was a puppy, sad and looking for a home.  Vester was sympathetic to its plight, and desired to adopt it. 

"I'm sympathetic to its plight, Duke.  Let's adopt it" she said.  Duke could never deny that silly vest, or its wearer, so of course he acquiesced.  Vester ran out into the street to collect the puppy, and that's when it happened.

Suddenly, a red and green streak careened down the road, Cthulhu shouting as he went:  "Helptherollercoaster'soutofcontrol!"  In a flash, he was gone.  For Duke, however, the scene transpired in agonizing slow motion.  The roller coaster inching out into view, Vester looking up at the sound, Cthulhu flailing and screaming in the front car.  The coaster colliding with Vester.  A torn and bloody vest flying through the air (She had a shirt on under it, don't get any ideas, jeez), a shout of "Nnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo" escaping from Duke's lips and mingling with Cthulhu's "Hhhhhheeeeeeellllllpppppttttttthhhhhheeeeerrrrrrrroooooooolllllleeeeerrrrrrcccccooooo..."

In the space of mere moments, it was over.  The Cthoaster was gone.  The puppy was nowhere to be found.  Vester was dead, blood staining the hot pavement.  A cloud passed over the sun, as the sky's lip began to tremble.


TO BE CONTINUED, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO WRITE A REPORT AND GRIND AN MMO AND PLAY MIRROR'S EDGE AND THEN GO TO COLLEGE AND DO HOMEWORK AND STUFF DON'T WORRY I WILL CONTINUE IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH
« Last Edit: January 24, 2010, 11:05:44 am by Cthulhu »
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Shoes...
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