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Author Topic: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story  (Read 35147 times)

Toady One

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Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« on: January 29, 2010, 05:29:51 am »

Be taken away by Snatcher.  Threetoe's stories are posted up on Threetoe's Stories, and Analysis.
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Thanshin

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2010, 07:04:25 am »

"bare my child" -> "bear my child"?
"The forest had spoken" -> "The forest spoke"?
« Last Edit: January 29, 2010, 07:17:42 am by Thanshin »
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ThreeToe

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2010, 07:11:28 am »

Nice catch.
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Felblood

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2010, 09:39:25 am »

I like the way Rulief ended the conversation, by flourishing his dagger into a more reckless grip.

Not only does it communicate that he's not interested in talking, but the overhand stance implies that he'd willing to take a hit to stab Panthera. He doesn't care what happens to him, if he can get his revenge. I look forward to the day that DF actors can employ subtext, not just with words but with gestures as well.

I observe that the child intuits, at the end of that same scene, that there is something more to this event than she's being told. It isn't made clear whether she has some kind of mystical revelation regarding her destiny, or she simply realizes that there's something her mother isn't telling her.

Anyway, this implies a third state in the spectrum of knowing/not knowing a secret. Knowing that there is a secret, and deciding whether to investigate.

A gripping tale well written, sir!
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The Architect

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2010, 10:20:24 am »

An enjoyable read. I would like to build on Felblood's comments, and say that it would be a valuable addition to the game if a character/creature's movements and stances were used to reveal attitudes and nuances that could otherwise be missed or would have to be overtly stated.
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Mel_Vixen

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2010, 11:49:56 am »

Creatures/society:

Remarkable is too that the canibalism sentibalism (iirc canibalism would only mean the own race) seems to be a genetic trait of the elves and not some kind of ritus or habit. Speaking of traits: I wonder if the Glowing eyes are 2 "Genes" - one for color and one for glowing and if the later feature could be passed down the line. Say the next generation could have Eyes that glow in individual colors.

The notion of animal-man taking care of the animals in a retreat means they need the skills of a Ranger - except the crossbowpart maybe. Does this behavior only happen if elves rule over them or is this trait/ a part of some kind of totem-cult? If its a cult is goes well with the forest Spirit which could be for them a inpersonificated totem. That this spirit favors elves would now explain why the animal-man are cooporating with the elves since it could be "The word of God".

Back to the elves. The guards bahavior at the meeting with queen and later in the story where they are sleeping or not very active implies that they have a certain "Alertness". Same goes for grisnals friends. Thus it makes sense to have checks on alertness of a guard/Entity-group member if a player/NPC is about to comit a crime.

A instance of Multiple souls could be the forest Spirit looking through the eyes of the animals to watch the advancing Goblins.

The dagger beetween the teeth impies the active use of the mouth as grasp in some situations.
 

World and Map:

Ferns!

Buildings:

Also i find it very interresting that multiple "Clans" have their own "etablishments" for living in a dungeon. For the game it would mean you have to track a clan (or rather the main bloodlines of said clans) so you can build/excavate individual subparts onto the Goblin-tower/dungeon. Maybe even with notion of one clan dieing out and another one overtaking and incooperating the etablishment of the now dead clan.

The Childpits would have to be a own construction too.

Bone decorated walls!

The elven Mega-trees are awesome - getting them into the game is on the other hand hard i think. Since they are a magical Bonsai i recommend to take a trip into the "bonsai growing and shaping" field. Iirc there also some basic rules avaibable on the internet how different trees grow. Uppon this rules you could create a subset of rules for placing objects and rooms (incl. some bonsai-shaping if needed). 

The Bending and impact yields of the hometrees wood would need a change i guess.


edit: I forgot to say that i loved the story. Will there be at some point a fullblown (i request 600 pages at minimum) Book as spinoff from DF? edit2: With a book of the same size just for the Analyse XD

Durangel == "Our Angel" as some English/Elven amalgan to imply that whatever comes her parents love her?
« Last Edit: January 29, 2010, 12:16:19 pm by Heph »
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Armok

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2010, 12:26:48 pm »

I really liked this one, I almost feel like doing some fanart of Durangel...
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Mephansteras

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2010, 12:47:20 pm »

It was really well done. Makes me even more curious about what Today would have done if interbreeding and races had won the talk vote.

Ah, well.

I was also amused by Ruleif's name.
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Footkerchief

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2010, 02:00:24 pm »

I'd just like to note that "weeping branch" made me laugh out loud.
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Org

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2010, 04:24:11 pm »

It was very good, but at some times, it seemed to go a little too fast.
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Aramec

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2010, 04:37:09 pm »

Threetoe, I have been reading your stories for a while now and it's been very impressive to see you develop your craft.  This story in particular was fantastic - particularly the flow and your ability to know when it's time to offer up some extra detail or let the user's imagination fill in the gaps.

If I had to be critical I'd say I felt the water spirit reference was a little confusing/felt a little out of place.
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CobaltKobold

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2010, 05:40:25 pm »

I'd just like to note that "weeping branch" made me laugh out loud.
As well, but...what does it mean?
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Solifuge

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2010, 08:09:21 pm »

Though it could be viewed differently in a fantasy elven context (being weak, like a plant without water), one could certainly take it as a euphemism for, ermmm... something else.

At any rate, a fantastic yarn as always. This process of creating an engaging story within a universe, and then extracting elements that would allow this to be procedurally generated in a game is a creative process like I've never seen before. It has, and continues to yield fantastic promise!
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Keizo

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2010, 08:18:57 pm »

I loved it. I have one overwhelming comment to make about this story that I think most would agree with:

This has multiplied my respect for DF's goblins immeasurably.

More in-depth comment (tl;dr for some)

The goblin culture is far more interesting than I expected, as fleshed out in this story. Not only that, but it seems that all goblins have two essential virtues that I never assumed they had before now: They have pride in their culture, yet they also seem to regret what they are at times. This definitely fits in with what I think the overarching vision of DF must be, where the different races are distinguished most of all not by their physical characteristics, but by their culture. Fascinating; amazing; I love it. It's fleshing out the cliches of fantasy more than most games have ever done in the past (in my opinion). And best of all, Tarn has already begun to implement it in terms of actual game mechanics. As always, this is what makes Tarn's vision so incredible, and this is why I will continue to play DF for as long as Tarn develops it (and most likely, for many years after its completion, should it ever be "complete").

Thank you so much for this story.

« Last Edit: January 30, 2010, 07:18:35 pm by Keizo »
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ThreeToe

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Re: Snatcher: A Threetoe Story
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2010, 10:59:35 pm »

Thank you for all your nice comments. 

As some of you have noticed, I rushed this one through the editing process after I finished it and am still trying to fix all the typos.

It does feel strange sometimes imagining a default universe for a game that is based on procedural generation.  I guess we can't have a procedure without some content though.

Thanks for reading!
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