This is inspired from Dwarf Fortress. Posted by a player in the "local newspaper."
Smurgledurg Daily Post
(Now with 20% more beard!)
Burning Beer Burns! Again!
Smurgledurg, Article from the Associated Dwarven Press
Dwarven engineers from Sharn to Valithrond cried manly, manly tears today as one of the great marvels of engindorfering, Burning Beer Fortress, was destroyed for the fourth time by a terrible magma flood when someone pulled the 'Terrible Magma Flood' lever in the fortress. Witnesses say that most of the dwarves were able to flee the fortress before the doomsday device was deployed, but many fine and noble dwarves were lost in the blaze, not the least of which was the Fortress' acting mayor, who was not seen since the catastrophe and is feared to be deceased. Among the others who were confirmed as dead (Artdorf's Rendering)
was Hans the Soapmaker. His companion, Lars the Tanner, who was reached for comment after the tragedy, had this to say: "Oh by Moradin's Beard! Poor Hans! It's such a tragedy! He made the most average soap!!" Truly, his skills were invaluable to the fortress as a whole.
Though the magma flood is what ultimately did the fortress in, many of the survivors offered conflicting reports on what the true downfall of the fortress was. One of the dwarven guards stationed in the fortress cited the sudden incursion of goblins into the fortress that truly lead to the fort's demise. Another dwarf cited the sudden appearance of giant cave spiders to really be when the trouble started. Still others think the fortress probably could have survived had the goblins not cut off the supply of alcohol to the dwarves. Most survivors agreed that when the alcohol ran out, things truly went downhill. Still some survivors pointed to a more systemic problem with the fortress itself. Most of the engindorfeers that survived and were asked for comment generally agreed that the fortress was doomed ever since the decision to line only certain hallways with deathtraps rather than every hallway. Throln Guzzlebeard has this to say: "Yeah, the rock crushers and giant saw blade traps were OK, but the governor really screwed us over when he declared there wasn't enough in the budget for research into magma cannons and giant magma pits. I was shocked to think that our innovation was stifled with the petrification ray and the drowning chamber! It was enough to drive me to spend the last four hours of the day I wasn't in a drunken stupor in a drunken stupor!" Most of the engineers agreed.
Perhaps the biggest loss of the fortress was the Burning Beer Zoo, where dwarves and dwarf children were invited in to see the mandrills, elephants and more mandrills. Some conflicting reports state that the dreaded Stompyfoot the Elephant escaped from his pen in the zoo at some point during the crisis. Some swear it was true, but others scoffed at the claim, stating that if Stompyfoot had really escaped, the halls would have been lined with dwarf blood. Did the legendary beast escape? We may never know. Reports HAVE confirmed, however, that a gigantic horde of mouth-watering cats escaped from the fortress at the time of the crisis as well, further dwindling the dwarves already thin food supply. If there is one ray of light in this dark tragedy it is a statement from the leader of the Teamster's Union. "It was a dark day indeed. We had lost the gold, the fortress, the alcohol and the gold! Luckily for us, an avatar of a dwarven sex god and his four odd looking servile waifs, arrived to both rescue the gold and us! He even singlehandedly beat off the brood mother of the cave spiders using only his beard and the activation lever of the doomsday device! I'm just glad that the sordid history of Burning Beer has come to a close. Now we can get to the good work of founding a NEW fortress. One with more death traps! And a magma-proof still." Truly inspiring words. We all wish them the best.
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Topic: Burningbeer- DF Inspired DnD (Read 861 times)