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Author Topic: Cavebrands  (Read 65490 times)

Cheddarius

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #465 on: August 04, 2010, 08:11:07 pm »

Do you have time to construct a bunch of drawbridges near the entrance to crush them? Is that cheap?
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Kagus

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #466 on: August 04, 2010, 08:34:07 pm »

Do you have time to construct a bunch of drawbridges near the entrance to crush them? Is that cheap?
We don't really have the dwarfpower or the space to pull that off right now.  And it would need a repeater system, which is a subject I'm not particularly knowledgeable in.

Not that it matters all that much because...  Houston?  We have a problem.

I noticed that the traders were behaving oddly, and were paying the siege operators a visit.  Curious, I decided to check up on them.
Spoiler: 1 (click to show/hide)
...and then I saw they had other plans in mind...
Spoiler: 2 (click to show/hide)
...so I tried to figure out where they thought they were going...
Spoiler: 3 (click to show/hide)
...and I did.
Spoiler: 4 (click to show/hide)

Oh.  Shit.


I think I can fix this, provided everyone moves fast enough.  It shouldn't be too difficult to block that off, but only if our bearded friends decide they can hold off partying for long enough to save their puny little lives.


Did I say defensive overhaul?  We really just need divine intervention.


EDIT:  Oh, did I mention that the water supply froze and shattered the well?  If I didn't, then I probably should.  After all, this does mean that we won't have any water for a while.

Like, until spring.

Cheddarius

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #467 on: August 04, 2010, 08:46:30 pm »

:/
We do have plenty of beer, yes? Anybody important injured? Will they make it?
If you enable masonry on all the haulers and order a wall built on the offending tile of the top floor (I assume you already have), everything should be fine.
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LordSlowpoke

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #468 on: August 05, 2010, 05:59:18 am »

I swear, a retarded monkey could destroy this fort. In fact I wouldn't be too surprised if a retarded monkey actually destroyed the fort in a weird turn of events.

Make sure to claim the first skipped turn for me, just in case. I can't wait to come back.
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melkorp

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #469 on: August 05, 2010, 06:40:21 am »

The Forgotten Beast Chim Chim has come!  A huge rhesus macaque with wide, glassy eyes.  He moves extremely slowly.  His orange fur is matted from frequent naps.  Beware his drool!

EDIT:  Oh, did I mention that the water supply froze and shattered the well?

Oops.  I wondered if that would happen. 

« Last Edit: August 05, 2010, 06:49:06 am by melkorp »
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...It should be pretty fun though.

Kagus

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #470 on: August 05, 2010, 12:31:00 pm »

Yeah, I wouldn't put it past the animal kingdom to suddenly annihilate this place through sheer force of stupidity.

Anyways, the hole has been plugged and the merchants are long gone.  This is actually kind of a good thing, because it means we'll get a very nice caravan next year, with all the stuff we ordered.

Provided...  (Dramatic voice) there is a next year.


Despite being blocked off from the catwalk entrance, the goblins still aren't moving for the wide-open front gate.  They're taking the terrorist approach of sitting up on the mountain right above our workers so that everyone spams job cancellations and gets stuck outside in a big traffic jam getting cranky because they can't reach their beds for naptime.

This is actually disturbingly effective.  We've got a moderate chunk of our workforce sitting outside doing nothing, and they're just going to sit around there like idiots getting scared off by goblins that have no chance of reaching them.  Eventually they'll get hungry, tired, thirsty and whatnot, and they can't reach the inside of the fort.  Either the jam will erupt into a huge fistfight, or someone's going to starve waiting for the goblins to make up their minds.

Luckily they do have some supplies out there.  There's a stockpile on top of the ballista house with booze and some food.  But the haulers may not make use of it if the goblins actually have them locked down in a "scare pen".  I don't think that's the case, but it's not a happy prospect.


I'll just have to wait it out and see what everyone does.  Worst comes to worst I can save the civvies by digging underneath them, but I'd rather not do that.  Would someone mind refreshing my memory as to how to turn off certain announcements?  Getting 30+ job cancellation messages every five seconds isn't exactly pleasant.

Cheddarius

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #471 on: August 05, 2010, 12:35:38 pm »

Go to (o)rders and turn of job cancellation announcements.
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Kagus

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #472 on: August 06, 2010, 08:26:25 pm »

Ah, the best-laid plans of Hoary Marmots and Dwarves...   

...I forget the rest.  Something about "hilarious cock-ups".


Allow me to illustrate the situation for you...  The siege operators are all in position, ready with bolts of finest bronze to decimate the enemy.  The horrified villagers cluster around in the courtyard as goblins up on the ridge cast down insults and dire threats.  A cat wanders outside the gate, playfully batting at some imaginary dragonfly.

Roll forward a few minutes of me watching the civilians and trying to figure out what to do with them.  I'm looking out for when they start moving back inside, because that will be an indication that the goblin war party has moved off the ridge and is heading for the gate.

It was my mistake to assume the goblins would move as a group.  It was the cat's folly to bound off in the direction of the goblins.  And, of course, it was the mistake of the dwarves to be too busy canceling their jobs to go feed the siege operators (who will stay at their post for as long as someone gets food and water for them).

I look over a few paces and see three goblins in a loose pattern chasing a cat across the drawbridge while the last siege operator glares at them menacingly without actually pulling the trigger.  By the time the goblins move into the ballista's line of fire however, the operator decides he needs to get a drink now, and leaves his post.

While the goblins dissect the rambunctious feline and plan their next move, I hastily mobilize our military in the hopes of fighting off this fiasco.  The civilians, still frightened by the remaining goblins moving along the ridge, were cancel-trapped in a danger zone that the cathunters were moving into.  I had to abandon all hope of an organized defense and just throw our military out there.

The last siege operator, stuck on the roof of the ballista hut with his beard soaking in a whip wine barrel, is slaughtered by one of the goblin swordsmen.  An axedwarf, the first of our military to appear, rushed up on to the roof to engage the foe.  He gets two broken arms and a splattered leg for his trouble, inflicting absolutely no damage on the greenskin.

While this is going on, a recruit runs up the same staircase and rams into the preoccupied goblin, knocking him off the roof and stunning him on the ground below.  Around this time, the rest of the military arrives along with two of the thirty war dogs I assigned to them (where the hell did they put the other ones?).

The goblin manages to regain its sense and smack a couple dwarves into sick leave before getting eviscerated by the squad leader.  After cleaning their blades a little, they hide behind the ballista house and wait for their next victim.

Another goblin rounds the corner and is pounced on by the full squad.  His ear is sliced off and tossed onto the roof before he turns tail and starts running for his little green life.

I try to get the dwarves to cease and desist so that they can go back into ambush positions, but they aren't listening to me.  The ones closest to the goblin keep going, while the other ones go back to the ballista house to swap stories about ale they've consumed.

Sighing heavily, I order the full military to run headlong into the goblin force coming up the entryway.  I figure they stand a better chance if they're all in the same place rather than spread out like loons.


And, as it turns out, they did remarkably well yet again.  The goblin forces had gotten a bit scattered due to the rough terrain on the mountain, so we didn't run into the swarm straight off.  Managed to take down the enemy leader before the rest of the party arrived and the real brawl broke out.

It only took a few more kills before the goblins broke ranks and ran for the hills.  We'd lost one Darwin Award winning dwarf, plus two war dogs who ended up registering as "lost a pet" thoughts in the minds of the dwarves they were assigned to (you didn't even see the thing, and you think it's your pet?  Idiot...).


So a few coffins, stitches, blood stains and gray beard hairs later, we've fought back the horde.  *Phew*, finally, now I can take a break to focus on restoring our water supply now that we're sa-



Aw hell.

Cheddarius

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #473 on: August 06, 2010, 08:32:53 pm »

Oh god.
Raise the bridge. We don't need the outside. We can make it safe in our fortress. Maybe the caravan guards will take care of it next spring.
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melkorp

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #474 on: August 07, 2010, 08:04:18 am »

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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...It should be pretty fun though.

Argonnek

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #475 on: August 07, 2010, 10:47:33 am »

Giants have [BUILDING_DESTROYER:2], so you really need to have correctly functioning drawbridges to keep them out. I hope your siege operators are up to this task!
Ah, and one more thing: I've had a giant throw me into a wall before (in adventure mode), and guess what? I slammed into an obstacle and blew apart. Do NOT engage a giant in wrestling, it will only end in a very, very messy defeat.

SethCreiyd

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #476 on: August 07, 2010, 12:28:38 pm »

Do we have cage traps?  The giantess should be captured for study.
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Kagus

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #477 on: August 07, 2010, 12:52:11 pm »

Well, this should be interesting.


Fortunately for us, the giantess was distracted from our fort by a kitten that was wandering around outside (even better, it was a female kitten who had just recently been claimed.  This is pretty much the only way to deal with it now).  It led the giantess on a wild goose chase up around the craggy mountains, and was just running circles around the poor extra-sized individual.

Unfortunately for us, kittens are mentally retarded.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yeah.  That's our wall.  Our wall which does is one tile high.  There is a giant naked lady running after a small cat on top of a blue stone fence that's about 10 feet high.


This wall happens to be a dead end.  The kitten, realizing this, has decided to try its luck on the ground below.  By pathing through the giantess.

The kitten is running straight at the giantess.  Combat is unavoidable.  And if at any time in the fight the kitten should attack the giantess and have its feeble attempt deftly avoided...  The giantess could dodge straight into the middle of our fort.


...

IS THIS PLACE TRYING TO KILL US?

LordSlowpoke

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #478 on: August 07, 2010, 12:56:29 pm »

Oh fuck yes I made that wall. Feels good, man.
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Kagus

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Re: Cavebrands
« Reply #479 on: August 07, 2010, 01:50:08 pm »



We get some strange announcements around here...  Who was it exactly that decided to name a number of dwarves "Food"?


Anyways, here's an update on the giantess story:  The kitten, seeing that it was running towards certain peril, turned around and dashed back in the other direction.  Barenaked lady followed her until she promptly forgot what she was doing and stood perfectly still.

The location she chose happened to be right next to the new defensive entrance I'm setting up (a one-tile-wide catwalk with a ballista aiming down the whole thing), so production halted.  Her sentry point also had one other, remarkably annoying quirk.



Yep, that's right.  Dwarves are seeing the giantess on the wall, getting scared, and running back around the house.  The ballista house which just recently had a wall added to it so that you can only go around behind it.  They've all backed themselves into a corner, they're all thirsty, and they refuse to stop trying to grab a drink from on top of the ballista house for long enough to break down the wall between them and the rest of the fort.

But wait, there's more!  See that base of microcline walls just there?  That's the bottom of my newest ballista emplacement.  Because the giantess is located directly behind it, innocent dwarves will fail to see her until they're right in between the wall and the ballista house with its delicious booze stockpile.  Now, given the choice between the open safety and freedom of the fortress proper, and the certain entrapment of the path to the left, which way do you think these clever little beasties run?

That's right, they run to the left.  10 points.


As more dwarves come out to see what's going on, take a stroll in the sunny spring day, or try to access the rooftop alcohol supply, they get stuck in this little dwarf trap.  And for some reason, the giantess refuses to budge.  All it would take is a couple steps to the left or right, and the situation would be helped.  I'm afraid she's aware of this somehow.


The kitten, on the other hand, is running back and forth in laps.

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