I fear I've ruined my relationship with Cog forever. She took the death of Urist pretty hard, and at a party two nights ago, I curtailed the responsibilities of friendship. Rather than support her in her time of need, I took advantage of the moment to throw my jealousies upon her. She has not spoken to me since, aside from the few words exchanged as a course of business. I can expect no more. She needn't speak again for me to know her disappointment. I would find I'm not even a thought in her mind.
Beneath the night and moonlight she bowed down in prayer to her god of spring. Her visage, as ever intent and fair, cast abeyance over the churning sky, and seeing me, she whispered a sigh. Hidden was the dissonance striking out the presence of a soul aflame holding terse his word, full in truth and self service deferred. As the night ran longer, the sky more blue, the hollow disharmony only grew. Indiscretion falling before the dead, her vision damp, her secrets fled. My heart impelled to be released from unsung battles never ceased. Driven by whim I sought her eyes. This was when the daylight died.
So it was. The night had come at last, the promise of the new dawn swaying in her mind. There she stood, atop the wall along the beach, weeping a tune of lament. I looked at her, she looked away. The hurt stood in its wake, and I knew it was the world. The night ran empty, spilling its fabrication to the sand. Now as the morning rises, the darkness fades before brightened birdsong, but only the moon is awake in the sky, silently crying out the injustice of this ending.
Perhaps she is right. Perhaps I have no true friends. Perhaps I have viewed everyone around me as a pawn in an unwinnable game, like agents of some purpose I alone have the eyes to see. If it were true, I'd feel no surprise. I'd feel nothing at all, beyond a bitter void that is growing all too familiar. My only hope is that a delayed apology can salvage what may be the only meaningful connection I had left to destroy. If greater gods than Lur be there, I pray said god would heed my prayer and help me fill this chasm I've let myself create.
I will not further stain these pages with such pining ink.