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What should Zathel do on his turn?

Hook up FAILCANNON to magma sea (powered by a huge dwarven reactor).
- 11 (28.2%)
Build a castle over the fortress entrance.
- 11 (28.2%)
Flush all the grime from Battlefailed with carefully arranged sewage system.
- 7 (17.9%)
Construct opulent quarters for every dwarf in Battlefailed.
- 3 (7.7%)
Get rid of every Forgotten Beast using huge cave-in traps
- 7 (17.9%)

Total Members Voted: 39

Voting closed: July 31, 2010, 02:35:48 pm


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Author Topic: Battlefailed (Succession) Legendary Clusterf**k, free for all reclaim  (Read 329954 times)

SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #450 on: July 17, 2010, 06:18:33 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is the most gloriously messed up fortress I've ever loaded.  And I thought Cavebrands was bad.

Wish me luck, guys.

Spoiler: Edit: (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 17, 2010, 06:24:03 pm by SethCreiyd »
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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #451 on: July 17, 2010, 08:42:09 pm »

Seth Frenzygorge, Temporary Overseer
Fortress Log, 1st Granite, 511

   -----

Mayor Cog Racksects has been killed.  In the absence of a formal leader (save that self-proclaimed "new mayor") I have assumed command of the outpost.


Battlefailed is in ruins.  During the past year we have been assaulted not just by goblins but by what appear to be no less than the denizens of hell itself.  A colossal mound of shit that killed half my comrades-in-arms, followed by a vast toad with a terrible fiery breath, that devoured the crippled survivors left in the shit demon's wake.  Most of the official records have been destroyed, either in the attacks or in the following riots.  I've been checking everyone out to see who's still sane enough to work.


Perhaps sane is the wrong word.  Anyone able to smile when the the place is covered in this much gore deserves to have it fixed in place.  Still, happy is better than trying to kill me, and judging by the sizable body heap outside my office, I need to take what I can get at this point.

Battlefailed is on emergency lockdown.  All work orders have been cancelled.  Once the last-minute tasks are completed, the evacuation to Lower Lower Battlefailed will commence.  We'll need to forget about anyone too far gone to heed the summons.
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Robocorn

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #452 on: July 17, 2010, 09:17:30 pm »

I think Matuin may be the longest surviving member of Battlefailed.
The original Matuin was around in the first turn and I think everyone that far back died.

Oh, watch out for the bridges, a lot of bridges were taken out by tantrumming dwarves and it cut off the outside world and a number of other things, watch out for levers too.

SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #453 on: July 18, 2010, 12:23:18 am »

The floating miners are in suspended animation, they don't seem to require food or water, nor can they be selected or viewed with the 'v' key.  I think their souls are trapped between worlds.  Unless we rig some way to drop the one with the strange mood, I don't know if Battlefailed will be getting any more artifacts.


"This striking image perfectly captures the essence of all dwarfanity."

Fortress Log, Supplemental

We will endure.  I don't know how long the tribulations will last, but Battlefailed will succeed.  By the gods, we'll become an outpost of bandits if we must.


Before the emergency meeting was called, I stationed our new fortress guard inside the meeting hall and kitchens, just in case violence should ruin what I hope will be a productive evening.  Unfortunately, some of the soldiers were waylaid when they found an enraged child savaging a popular Woodworker in Upper Battlefailed.  I was told the situation is under control.


I hope they don't hurt the lass.  She's just feisty is all.


A murder was committed in the meeting hall before the discussions even began.  We are now without our Chief Medical Dwarf.  I've assigned a lowly animal dissector to act as a triage nurse until I can find a better replacement.


Meanwhile, only a few yards away, the military put down another one of the crazies.


My god... this was a terrible idea.  The meeting has adjourned into chaos.






...

Two weeks later...


"Hey guys, check out these white oxen!"

=-=-=-=-=-=

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Robocorn

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #454 on: July 18, 2010, 01:12:35 am »

You could probably just assign the migrants to upper battlefailed and let the dwarves they don't know brawl in the underground until only one is left standing. (or most likely, the entirety of the earthen gloves).

Battlefailed could be the first succession game to survive two tantrum spirals. 

Eric Blank

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #455 on: July 18, 2010, 01:27:24 am »

This is most certainly on-par with boatmurdered, both in the entertainment and insanity departments. Everyone murdered in a single brawl? hilarious. shit beast attack? equally hilarious. Endless puns of doom, irony, and things one knows should not be? Astoundingly hilarious. And there are still dead people being F$%#&$^ ECSTATIC, just like in any good fortress. Bravo.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2010, 01:29:07 am by Eric Blank »
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"THEN CAME TOBNOM, ASS-GOD".
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Zathel

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #456 on: July 18, 2010, 07:38:37 am »

If Battlefailed ever suffers a critical existence failure, we've got to try reclaiming it.

Because that's just what true dwarves would do.
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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #457 on: July 18, 2010, 09:11:14 am »

Sethrist Oraclefortress, Expedition Leader's Log, Granite 21, 511
   -----
After our long journey, we finally arrived at the place Her Majesty the Bitch told us about.  The Blueness of Malodors.  It's the ugliest place I have ever been.  The shoreline is just a barren rocky slope dipping into a murky sea that smells of turpentine and rotting old sweet pods.  Malodors indeed.  That confounded liaison will be hearing from me when he gets here.

This place has a horrible reputation.  The fortress of Battlefailed (if it even still exists) is supposed to be nearby, but there's no other settlement for miles, so unless we make contact, we're on our own until Autumn.  We have a lot of work to do.  I've been surveying the land while some of the wrestlers break down the wagon.  My cat's run off somewhere, I'm a little worried about her, but to be honest I don't yet see what all the fuss is about.  It's just a smelly old beach with a moldy old keep in the distance to the west, and a few roaming white musk oxen near to the south.  What in the sunny hells are those things?!


A great skeletal monster charged across the beach toward us, goring Deduk the blacksmith before anyone could react.  Several more of the creatures came into view surrounding us as Deduk screamed like an elfwench.  While the warriors among us rushed to defend our camp, the rest of us ran for safety to the northern shore.


 The smith bled to death during the fighting.


Once the undead muskoxen were finally driven off, another herd of skeletal beasts ambushed our beleaguered guards.  The battle was horrible.  They make a sound like that of a cave lobster boiling alive, if a thousand times louder and marked by the rattling of bones.  They stomped our able-bodied dwarves into whimpering paste before they turned their wrath on the wagon and smashed up all our supplies.


Two kittens bravely stood their ground against a skorse before teaching it what kittens taste like.


Enraged, the peasant woman Adil bore down on one of the brutes without assistance.


That ended predictably.


I'm not sure how we have survived.  Eleven of us were here an hour ago; now four remain:  Myself, the Glassmaker, the other Peasant and the Tanner.  What the hell was the Queen thinking?  A dwarven paradise?  Not that I had believed her, but one would think she'd maybe mention the local HORDE OF EVIL before sending us off on our way.

Actually, now that I really think about it, I know exactly what she was thinking.  "I hate dwarves and I want them to die."

I've been digging down into the dry cliff away from the evil surface as fast as I can.  I wanted to explore the land and find Battlefailed, but that will have to wait.  We daren't leave the relative safety of our hideaway and risk drawing the skorses' attentions.

There's no good food or water above ground, so we've got to reach the caverns below, and its fresh water and mushrooms, before we end up looking like our friends outside.

-=-=-=-=-

   Meanwhile, deep within Battlefailed...

-=-=-=-=-

Journal of Creiydrek Yearrings, Overseer and Talented Siege Operator, Excerpts

   -----

When the dust finally settled after the Great Berserking, there were only forty-nine of us left.  Forty-nine Dwarves, when last year there lived and worked over a hundred.  And more than half of 'em killed, not by misfortune or in the defense of our home, but at the hands of their own friends and neighbors. I ask you, journal, what is the point of all our walls and defenses if our greatest enemies are already among us?


The once proud City of Battlefailed has withered into a zoo of horrors soaked with the tears and cruelty of mad dwarves.  The shrieking of the tormented throughout can be heard at all hours of day, bouncing through the halls of stone to threaten every ear still lucid enough to be troubled by hearing it.  Wherever one goes, one may expect to find old stains of blood or bones whose owners have long been forgotten.


It's glorious.

It's perfect, in fact.  Where else could a fella like me become Overseer of the entire stinking Fortress?  It isn't the spiffiest place, I'll admit that cleanly.  In fact, not a single other dwarf wanted the damn job, and who can blame them?  Someone's gonna be held responsible for this mess.  Any dwarf'll do for now, and I did.  I can live like a king while all these screw-ups waste each other.  There aren't too many dwarves left to manage, who haven't completely lost their marbles, anyway.  I just need to figure out who to keep happy with what excuses and let the good times roll.


Good news, everyone!  Monom's gone apeshit!


Our Captain of the Guard rammed her mace into the metalsmith with such gusto that in the end there was little left of him but some bloody rags and a smear on the floor.  Sigun is one dwarf I intend to keep happy.


Instead of updating our stockpile records like I asked him to, our Hoardmaster had been spending his time lying in the entrance hall, throwing silver arrows at passers-by.  This did not amuse the guards on patrol duty.

Compared to the carnage of the previous weeks, the first days of my term have been wonderful.  If things stay this marvelous I may just have to retire early.

Nearby elsewhere...

« Last Edit: July 18, 2010, 09:21:18 pm by SethCreiyd »
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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #458 on: July 18, 2010, 09:49:01 am »

"Aaaaaaaaah!!!"
"Aiiieeeee!!!"


"It's Squirtedfork the Crewed Martyr!"
                                                         "Kill it!"





"No, Kadol!  NOOOO!"


Sethrist Oraclefortress, Expedition Leader's Log, Supplemental

I am now the last living dwarf here.  Kadol and the others were slaughtered by a skorse early this morning, while finishing up the doors for the shaft entrance.  They'll never be placed now.  Since there is nothing left on the surface for me, I am plunging down as deep as I can, in hopes of finding some food and shelter in the caverns below.

Right now I'm trying not to think about anything but digging.  I'll keep digging 'til I find something.

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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #459 on: July 18, 2010, 10:59:29 am »

Journal of Overseer Creiydrek Yearrings, Excerpts

The first week of Slate has passed without a single death.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to thank the gods just yet, but I've taken my hand off my sword hilt for now.


A legendary miner by the name of Matuin has informed me of her decision to carve out a new section of the fort for those of us still aware of reality.  I'm not pleased with the autonomy of this plan, but I've made it a rule to give the dwarves with weapons what they want, and I'm not about to tell such an illustrious dwarf what she can't do.  As such, she's the only dwarf in the fort beside myself who has sneaked out of corpse removal duties.

Picture this, if you will:  I'm walking over to the hospital to visit the wounded when I hear a bloodcurdling howl coming from up the central stair.


This anus of a dwarf Lokum has complained so often about having to "drag those miserable sacks to the hospital so they can die there instead of the floor," that I've contemplated throwing him into the Lake of Slime.  Generously, I cut his alcohol rations in half instead.  I also doubled his work shifts.  For some reason, his demeanor failed to improve.


Anyways, Tulon, our resident broker-by-day-warrior-by-night, trudges up the stairs carrying the corpse of one of his closest friends slung over his shoulder.  With tears in his eyes, he marches purposefully toward the outside world to lay his comrade to rest in the most dignified (undignified) manner possible.  Lokum takes one look at him, his expression softening, and he moves toward Tulon, as if to give him a hand...


...and beats the living daylights out of him.


His outburst leaving his lust for violence unsatisfied, he sprinted to the hospital, where he found a two-month old baby on the floor.  He then did what any sensible person does after finding a baby on the hospital floor, and punched it in the face.  He punched it in the face.  THE FUCKER PUNCHED A BABY IN THE FACE.


Now that I have seen the depths to which the dwarven soul may plummet, I don't think any barbarousness will surprise me again.  Thank the gods that Fisherdwarf what's-her-name was there.  Thanks to her, the child lives and there's one less psychopath in the world.  I didn't think any dwarf was capable of such an act.  By sheer dumb luck the infant managed to come out of the encounter unscathed, but she was covered in so much of her assailant's blood that I believe she'll be traumatized all the same.


Have I mentioned we have nearly a hundred caged goblins and skeletons at our disposal?  What to do with them, I wonder.

Aside from the assault and baby-punching incident, the month is going by very smoothly.  I may actually be alive this time next year.  It's a remarkable feeling.

Five minutes later...

« Last Edit: July 18, 2010, 09:19:45 pm by SethCreiyd »
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Pisano

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #460 on: July 18, 2010, 11:08:04 am »

Oh my, it doesn't sound like there are many sane dwarfs left.  Still I'm quite looking forward to my turn!
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Robocorn

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #461 on: July 18, 2010, 11:25:16 am »

I'm really enjoying this read, you sure know how to add flavor to what will be a hilarious display of carnage.

Quote
I know exactly what she was thinking.  "I hate dwarves and I want them to die."
You've said about Led what this fortress has been implying for years. She's  over ninety years old so if we ever do get her over she'll probably be dead on arrival.

Samthere

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #462 on: July 18, 2010, 05:49:31 pm »

Is Samrist still alive? Last I knew he was leading the Earthen Gloves.

NightmareBros

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #463 on: July 18, 2010, 06:16:09 pm »

I think you've just found a use for all those caged goblins.
Put them between you and that forgotten beast.
With luck, the goblins will wear the beast down enough for an easy kill. If your luckier, The goblins will kill it, leaving easy goblin kills for whatever dwarf crosses their path.
If your unlucky the forgotten beast will mearly be slowed down enough for you to wall it off from your sane dorfs.
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melkorp

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape.
« Reply #464 on: July 18, 2010, 06:30:21 pm »

(Mouth hanging slackly open)
What ... happened here?
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...It should be pretty fun though.
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