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What should Zathel do on his turn?

Hook up FAILCANNON to magma sea (powered by a huge dwarven reactor).
- 11 (28.2%)
Build a castle over the fortress entrance.
- 11 (28.2%)
Flush all the grime from Battlefailed with carefully arranged sewage system.
- 7 (17.9%)
Construct opulent quarters for every dwarf in Battlefailed.
- 3 (7.7%)
Get rid of every Forgotten Beast using huge cave-in traps
- 7 (17.9%)

Total Members Voted: 39

Voting closed: July 31, 2010, 02:35:48 pm


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Author Topic: Battlefailed (Succession) Legendary Clusterf**k, free for all reclaim  (Read 278401 times)

melkorp

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #480 on: July 19, 2010, 09:25:43 pm »


Melkorp Goldthunder has been ecstatic lately.  He admired a masterful engraving recently.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...It should be pretty fun though.

Twobeard

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #481 on: July 19, 2010, 10:01:29 pm »

Nooooo Matuin!! Damn matuin was the most useful dwarf you guys had left :P
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A leg of ham, a jug of beer and thou besides me, whistling in the darkness.

SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #482 on: July 19, 2010, 10:20:14 pm »

I think a lot of the engravers we had were history buffs as opposed to creative types. So instead of getting pictures of hugging cows or two unicorns, we got pictures of ╠ddor Deerlies the Moist Grotto traveling because it was the only event that occurred in the region before we got here.

Of course, this means that there are dozens of engravings that look like this


How much do you think Led would let the dwarves learn about her favorite deathtrap for them?  "Oh, not much ever happened there.  Just a big blob of salt that used to wander around before time."

They're covering the fortress in the image of that lie as a statement of defiance.
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TurkeyXIII

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #483 on: July 20, 2010, 12:50:18 am »

If i wasnt so intimidated/retarded, i would totally love to be a part of this.
Don't let that stop you, nobody else has!
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A medium-sized bird with a distinctive fleshy wattle that hangs from the underside of the beak, and a fleshy protuberance that hangs from the top of its beak called a snood.

Robocorn

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #484 on: July 20, 2010, 01:54:33 am »

If i wasnt so intimidated/retarded, i would totally love to be a part of this.
Don't let that stop you, nobody else has!

Zathel's a pretty good manager if I remember correctly. You'll probably just wind up on bone duty unless you're incredibly incompetent (like me).

Speaking of which, you know how most large forts have a problem with rocks? We have a bone problem, we may have more bones than rocks. Oh gods do we ever have bones. I was trying to turn them into gauntlets and totems and helms but there just wasn't enough dwarfpower to get it done and I was afraid to work on magma dumping. FYI, the yellow diamond slug is still alive in the magma sea, however it is on fire, so if you forget this it will be awesome.

Zathel

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #485 on: July 20, 2010, 02:40:13 am »

Zathel's a pretty good manager if I remember correctly. You'll probably just wind up on bone duty unless you're incredibly incompetent (like me).

My track record involves moving Battlefailed underground which started all this freaking insanity in the first place :D . Oh well. I just had luck that when my term started, things were peaceful and stagnant, food plentiful and there were no goblins nearby. Actually, goblins started attacking during my turn.

I just wonder if we can recover. I'd like to get Battlefailed to full strength, with strong, trained militia and bustling trade, and then dig hard and deep into Adamantite (we have located a vein, iirc).
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Robocorn

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #486 on: July 20, 2010, 03:05:31 am »

My track record involves almost getting everyone killed twice in a fenzy of rage. In order for this to be a good story somebody has to be successful. Even boatmurdered had that guy who caught all the mandrills and built a defensive system. Pre-riot Battlefailed had your turn which built the underground that the dwarves currently dwellin as opposed to the bone riddled necropolis above.

I think we'll be able to continue as long as there are dwarves in Swordboot, maybe they'll send us humans when they run out.

Zathel

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #487 on: July 20, 2010, 06:50:52 am »

Hahaha, yeah, you are right. Things can't go downhill too much, or they'll ground to a halt and it won't be fun anymore.

Anyway, either me or Pisano will have a chance to get this den of entropy back in order. Hopefully.

So we can dig into adamantite, as I said earlier. Heh.
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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #488 on: July 20, 2010, 07:10:09 am »

I'd like to apologize in advance for what will seem like extreme incompetence.
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Andreus

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #489 on: July 20, 2010, 07:31:53 am »

I have nominated Battlefailed for the Hall of Legends.

It is a bleak legend, a cautionary tale as to the heights of dwarven hubris and the depths to which it will bring all dwarfkind.
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SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #490 on: July 20, 2010, 09:36:27 am »

Journal of Overseer Creiydrek Yearrings, Excerpts

Hematite



It's so hot and sticky that all the other dwarves have begun to copy my recent uptake of nudism.


Correction, almost all of them.  The soldiers refuse to be defenseless, even though they're off-duty.


I'm not normally one for immodesty but my definition of normal has been so far stretched that it's cracked and splintered beneath the weight of this horrible fetid ocean we can't even swim in because we'd rather be hot and sticky and naked than wade in that filth, not that any of us are good swimmers anyway and I think I'm starting to ramble so I'm going to lay down for a while before I totally lose myself.

Spoiler: Author's Note: (click to show/hide)

2nd Hematite

Feeling a bit better today.  I still dread waking, but at least I'm thirsty for booze again.



Right before lunch I saw a fight break out in the dining hall.  I didn't even know Tulon was still alive.


Yes, it seems that two years old is old enough to both comprehend the deaths of your parents and identify the nearest defenseless psychotic to take it out on.  Bravo, little Edzul.  She'll make a fine warrior if she lives long enough to grow up.  Incidentally, her father happens to be the late baby-puncher.


Fortunately for her, Sigun is too busy hauling monkey bones to kill children.

3rd Hematite

This evening we found Matuin dead and withered about forty feet away from the booze stockpile.  Where is the justice?


6th Hematite

I worry that I'm losing my mind.  My thoughts keep turning to very dark corners, especially those for the doctor Meng.  I catch myself dreaming up ways to torment him.  I decided to take a walk through Upper Battlefailed to clear my head.  What was I thinking?


I noticed, during my trip, that an outrageously ornate tomb had been built for our late child prodigy.  While such waste of space may have been permissible during Battlefailed's better days (oh gods how I miss them), recent events have forced on us a more practical approach.  I have no qualms about the child keeping his burial chamber, but it needs to be designated for more coffins.




After being caught in a rainstorm, Edzul threw a tantrum and started battering another one of the mindless dwarves.  She's quite strong for a toddler, but I really hope she calms down.  I can't protect her from Sigun if she starts beating down on the sane ones.


Her entire family is dead except for her comatose brother, the poor dear.  I think I'll take her under my wing.  The lass needs guidance, maybe a puppy, and perhaps a new bedroom with some groundhog cages.  What little 'un doesn't like groundhogs?



I went to the mayor to discuss the adoption procedures, but she was incensed about her 'numbness' (that's all she would say) and was hurrying off to the hospital to get checked at.  Yes, Mayor, I'm certain the good doctor will be able to assist you.



Just let me know when you're ready to punch him and I'll hold him down for you.

9th Hematite

I have discovered the source of the smell coming from the northern room in the main hall.


Someone has placed several undead animals in this otherwise empty room for some purpose I cannot imagine.  If they were trying to set a trap for the caravans, they chose a rather oblong approach.

Our butcher has assumed a colorful new title and identity.  He can call himself whatever he likes, but he's still just a butcher.




In the meantime, our horrified mayor's condition worsens.  To my astonishment, the doctor has not had a chance to check in with her.  I'm unsure why I keep calling him a doctor.

13th Hematite


I fear the miners in the Arena are truly beyond our reach, temporally speaking.  The one higher in the air is occupying the same space as a solid pillar in a clear violation of all known physics.  Perhaps they are ghosts, trapped between worlds, or something worse.  Whatever the case, I've gone back to the drawing board.


Regarding the arena, there are six levers by the front door and nobody knows what they do.  I've resisted the temptation to determine their function as I'm convinced one of them opens the monster cages I mentioned earlier.

Tulon the former Battle Mayor has starved to death.  He's the first person to die from something other than thirst in recent memory so I've decided to throw a party in the dining room tomorrow.  Otik knows we need the morale boost.

14th Hematite

Oh, come on, guys...


Really?  The Elf corpses were never removed from the Depot?  They were just shoved under the loading platform and now the entire hall smells worse than the Blueness itself?  When I find that peasant I'm going to throttle him.

You know what?  I don't care.  The party's on.

16th Hematite



Turns out I won't have to make that quiver I was never going to make.  In an upset victory, Twobeard has been elected mayor of the fort.  I guess that change of identity served him well.  Understandably, it's so hard to stand out when you share a first name with the badaxe Captain of the Guard:


Oh my good gods



I strictly forbade Cerol from playing in the corpse pile ever again.

19 Hematite

I have personally determined the cause of the mysterious outbreak of numbness.


I suppose we deserve it for walking around barefoot everywhere, but who in their right mind leaves a pile of numbing dust* in a pathway for someone else in their right mind to step in?  Who indeed.  I got better, no thanks to the redoubtable doctor.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

20th Hematite



One of the lookouts saw Erib drop dead outside our gate, so we opened it to retrieve his body and Kubuk added another monster to his kill record.


23rd Hematite

All but two of the wounded and all of the mad dwarves have perished.  We are down to twenty-nine, and the halls are quieter than ever.  Okit knows if we don't have something to be happy about there soon won't be anyone left with their senses so my plan for the coming month is to address everyone's personal requests and see if we can't hold out until help arrives.  Either that, or we'll have our final days as pleasant as possible.


« Last Edit: July 20, 2010, 10:00:27 am by SethCreiyd »
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Daetrin

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #491 on: July 20, 2010, 09:57:07 am »

This is amazing and hilarious and fully epic. Since the player list is somehow not a mile long, I'd like to add my name to it. I just have one question - which version of .31 is being used at the moment?
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All you need to know about Ardentdikes
It is really, really easy to flood this place with magma fwiw.

Doors stop fire, right?

SethCreiyd

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #492 on: July 20, 2010, 10:02:28 am »

Welcome!  I'm running 31.10 at the moment.  Do you want to select a dwarf from our eminent group of survivors?
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Daetrin

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #493 on: July 20, 2010, 10:11:53 am »

Given that this is Battlefailed, there's a strong possibility that any dwarf I selected would be dead, insane, or lost to the void by the time my turn rolled around.


Sounds great! If there's anyone with masonry, engraving, or architecture free I'll take that one. 
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All you need to know about Ardentdikes
It is really, really easy to flood this place with magma fwiw.

Doors stop fire, right?

Zathel

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Re: Battlefailed (Succession) Coastal Zombie Hellscape. [turns open!]
« Reply #494 on: July 20, 2010, 10:24:06 am »

This is amazing and hilarious and fully epic. Since the player list is somehow not a mile long, I'd like to add my name to it. I just have one question - which version of .31 is being used at the moment?

Welcome! We need more people to join in this tale of insanity, blood, vomit, grime, crazy megaprojects, bureaucratic madness, rampaging undead wildlife, bloodthirsty goblins and civilian killing sprees.
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