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[Clover Magic]

Dear genome engravers,

The future magmaworks pipes are not the ideal place to nap.  Stop having sleepover parties down there.

Sincerely,
your overseer.

[zehive]

Dear Urist McMechanic

Congratulations, your work is over. All Athelurosh technologies remain operational up to 4,000 Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Athelurosh computer aided trap building activity. Goodbye.

With Love,
The Overseer

[darklord92]

dear uristmcsergalspretendingtobedwarfs

Please stop having children, 4 is enough per family one of our mothers has 14 kids I think the fortress population is content.

- Sincerely rawmancer overseer

[tahujdt]

Dear Urists McUselesskids
Stop tantrumming because you have no clothes! We cannot produce any cloth at this point. Your parents are wearing like twenty items each, steal some from them.

P.S. Stop killing everyone you meet. I'm keeping an eye on you. If you start building an altar to He Who Walks Behind The Rows, I will turn on the Happy Fun Surprises machine.

[pisskop]

Dear Urists McUselesskids
Stop tantrumming because you have no clothes! We cannot produce any cloth at this point. Your parents are wearing like twenty items each, steal some from them.

P.S. Stop killing everyone you meet. I'm keeping an eye on you. If you start building an altar to He Who Walks Behind The Rows, I will turn on the Happy Fun Surprises machine.

I would rejoice to see the world's first badass child's pagan fort.  Blood and corn for the Blood God!

[Zaffre]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

There is no reason for you to leave the barrels of wine out that are from the wagon. You're the only one not doing something important already. Your turnips can wait for a little while.

Sincerely,
Urist McBrokerBookkeeperLeaderManager

[Splint]

Dear secretive miner,

The fact you knew I was thinking of building a mill when you made that millstone disturbs me. But thanks for the millstone.

Signed,
The Overseer.

[zhrike]

Dear Urist McLegendaryWoodCrafterPoorNappingDecisionDwarf:

Thank you for deciding to take a snooze in an obstructed corner of a dingy wood stockpile instead of your meager quarters. Perhaps you were protesting the "meager." What do you want from me? I was busy. In any event, you chose that particular moment when the suspicious Urist McVampire  fish dissector/planter/fisherdwarf/macedwarf/swordsdwarf/outgoing social butterfly with a list of past associations that would make Methuselah blush, and this all at the tender age of FORTY, decided to go on break. I was watching, oh yes I was, but what oh what could I do when he happened upon you in your poorly chosen nap site? And yes, you were drained of blood right before my very eyes. So thanks for that.

And this just a month after one of my Urista McLegendaryMiners was found dead in her quarters; the victim of another vampire that I discovered just moments after the crime. Now I have two vampires penned up in rooms behind locked doors just waiting for the chance to go on break and have that drink that they haven't had in far, far too long.

p.s. Dear Urist McVampires: thank you both for choosing my fortress as your buffet immigration target. You can rest assured that I was quite shocked that I got two such illustrious additions in successive migrant waves taking my population to 48, and 57 (now 55), respectively. You can also rest assured that you will be on cavern expedition duty once I figure out how to get you down there without losing another legendary napper. Either that or atom smasher fodder.

Love, your overseer.

[Voyd211]

Urist McMiner

I have a very special task for you. It involves tracing a neat outline of channel around the entirety of the fortress, then carving out a cavern filling in that outline below the fortress. The reclamation party will fill the crater with inflammable objects an magma.

Sincerely, your pyromaniac Overseer who can't figure out how to burn anything and needs some other devastation to compensate

[Splint]

Dear rhesus macaques,

Trying to storm my depot, which is directly within eyesight of my swordbold muster field, is a good way to become coats, loincloths and soup. Please continue your incessant attacks, as you're a good source of bones and meat in large numbers.

Thank you,
Overmind of this kobold camp.

[Corai]

Dear humans,

You have armed guards. With metal weapons. I have less than six soldiers, who only have copper clubs or choppers. Are you just trying to be nice by allowing me to steal all your stuff, or are you really that scared of us?

Love, the overseer of this kobold camp. Corai.

[BlueMagic]

Dear Stupid Pony,

I sent you to kill a Diamond Dog that tried to steal a cinnabar scepter. You instead decided to go fight a rhinoceros after you failed to kill the Dog. I can understand the need to prove you still have balls but really?

Oh well, you paid for it with your life. You were good carpenter, too.

[Babylon]

Dear Urist McLegendaryFoundingCarpenter-

Look man, I'm sorry you got stuck in that hole in the roof with the broker. I'm sure two seasons of isolation up there with him in that one tile gave you plenty of time to get to know one another.

still, that doesn't give you an excuse to die of thirst.  Drink your piss or something, I need every dwarf that arrives here!

Yours, That Omniprescent Prick in the Sky

Dear OPitS,

My name was Urist McLegendaryFoundingCarpenter, not Urist McBearGrylls

Signed,

the now-named Urist McDead


Dear Dorfs of Firegears,

All things considered (back to back siege, ambush, bigger siege of 40 goblins and their buddies and Lawgiver), you're doing okay.  We've lost additional people due to stupid bugs (uninjured dwarves getting stuck on nothing at all and dying of thirst), insanity, and incompetence (on my part, admittedly).  But for the love of magma, ENGRAVE THOSE ARMOK-DAMNED SLABS!  Appropriate labors are enabled.  I turned off hauling etc, there's plenty of slabs, things are accessible, and you craftsdwarves just stand around with your beards up your asses.

Okay, fine.  You'd rather haul (as evidenced by your bursting into activity when I turned hauling back on) than prevent this from turning into a haunted fort.  Enjoy your ghostly friends.

Annoyed,

Me

You know slab engraving is done with engraving, not stonecarving right?

[Cassandra]

Dear Corai.

D'aaaaawwww....Look at the adorable 'bolds stealing our noble's junk.... Maybe they'll steal the noble next.

Those Human Guards

[hops]

Dear Corai.

D'aaaaawwww....Look at the adorable 'bolds stealing our noble's junk.... Maybe they'll steal the noble next.

Those Human Guards

☼Prepared Human King☼