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[Akura]

Dear Udib Windsword, Mechanic:

Why would you decide to take your break under the dump area, particularly during a rock relocation project? Be glad all you got was a bruised lung.

Sincerely,
Overseer.

[BumbleMead]

Dear Dwarves,
 Congratulations on finishing the tower base with a minimum of stranded dwarves. There will be nice bedrooms for all. I'd just like to know if in the future you might consider not stranding the mayor on a remote decorative ledge. In all honesty, I'm not even sure how you managed that, since I didn't find him until the liason needed him. Please try not to strand nobles until they're redundant, thanks. -Overseer.

Dear Inexplicably Levitating Lungfish (lungfishes?),
 Stop that. It's creepy watching you swim around three z-levels in the air. How are you guys even getting up there, anyhow?
 -Overseer

[Sanctume]

To: Urist

I know you're amazingly slow to tire, so whenever you are done with your "individual drill" in that non-functioning danger room here's your fortress to do list:

Take in the 3 Giant Badgers trapped in cages outside.
Mop up the blood smear trails that ended on the bridge entrance.

All our steel weapons are accounted for to be put away on the armory. Apparently Obok, Olon, Kib, Fath, Mebzuth, and Catten decided to wrestle with the Giant badger Sow on that bridge.
There's no sign of them, so I deduce they all rolled off the edge into our magma pit.

You'll need to pick up engraving for the 6 slabs I left at the mason's workshop.

Hope to be back with a new migrants soon.

[Ianflow]

Dear Inexplicably Levitating Lungfish (lungfishes?),
 Stop that. It's creepy watching you swim around three z-levels in the air. How are you guys even getting up there, anyhow?
 -Overseer

Dear Overseer,
I DO WHAT I WANT
-Inexplicably Levitating Lungfish #1

Dear Overseer,
Its creepy how you amphibi-lessians are unable to breath water, fly in the air, walk on the ground, and swim in lava.
Oh yeah, did we forget to mention we enjoy lava baths?
-Inexplicably Levitating Lungfish #2

Dear Overseer,
Lungfishes actually have an innate gland inside our bodies that allows us to survive impossible conditions, along with flying, walking on land, and even living in lava.
It is also found in a rare but so totally real creature called Wizards. That is likely why it is called a Wizard Gland, and not a Lungfish gland, sadly.
-Inexplicably Levitating Lungfish #42

(You get the point. Not joking though, its often something new players notice, and those who know biology become confused about. I've seen on the wiki and forums tales of them not just walking on land, but flying in the air. When I tried to damn the river, and made a reservoir, I noticed Lungfish somehow scaling the building I made, jumping off the top, and then flying for as long as they desire. The strangest I've heard is that when able to, and given access, they've entered lava, swam, and survived.)

[Eric Blank]

The reason is that vermin simply don't obey the laws of physics. Or pathing algorithms and environmental interactions. The only thing that threatens Tweety McLungfish is the dreaded puddy tat.

[☼!!Troll Fur Sock!!☼]

Dear Urist Mcsiegeoperator.

Ballista was ordered to fire. 2 years ago. At goblins. And I forgot about it. Why did you decide it was a good decision to shoot it 2 years later, when your daughter was standing in front of it?

Sincerely
The guy who will soon pull a lever

[BumbleMead]

The reason is that vermin simply don't obey the laws of physics. Or pathing algorithms and environmental interactions. The only thing that threatens Tweety McLungfish is the dreaded puddy tat.

Or possible the dreaded flying puddy tat. Hmm... will falcons hunting them result in floating remains? Or do physics kick back in once the lungfish are dead?

[pisskop]

IDK, but the floating blood splatters from giant keas I shot stayed there floating forever and became visible when I built a tower years later.

[Urist MacNoob]

Urist to Urist MacMason.

I understand that you needed stone for your strange mood.

I also understand that you had ample supply of both platinum and rock salt for said mood, along with some of the leather you needed for whatever you were making.

...And yet you never went to get them and subsequently went melancholy insane.

Would you care to explain to me why that is?

[WillowLuman]

Dear Broker,

I know you're just trying to be helpful, but in all the time you spent bringing items to the Depot, even though I told you not to haul anything, the traders have in fact left.

[Larix]

Dear Overseer,

'Bring to Depot' is an 'all hands on deck' order. _Nobody_ can shirk this duty, labour settings don't matter. If you wanted _me_ to trade, you should have constrained me to a depot burrow or unchecked all 'pending' items from the depot-stocking screen when time was running short. And if i'd been too busy throwing a party afterwards, you could also have set the depot to 'anybody may trade' - they'd still have enjoyed the precise value ratings afforded by my appraisal skill, and obviously, a trade performed by a random rookie trader with shoddy skills still tends to be more useful than no trade at all performed by a legendary broker.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McBroker.

[pisskop]

Dear Overseer,

'Bring to Depot' is an 'all hands on deck' order. _Nobody_ can shirk this duty, labour settings don't matter. If you wanted _me_ to trade, you should have constrained me to a depot burrow or unchecked all 'pending' items from the depot-stocking screen when time was running short. And if i'd been too busy throwing a party afterwards, you could also have set the depot to 'anybody may trade' - they'd still have enjoyed the precise value ratings afforded by my appraisal skill, and obviously, a trade performed by a random rookie trader with shoddy skills still tends to be more useful than no trade at all performed by a legendary broker.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McBroker.

PS.  Why didn't you have secondary trader, one you could have used instead of me?  I like to eat, drink, and sleep when caravans arrive.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Overseer,

'Bring to Depot' is an 'all hands on deck' order. _Nobody_ can shirk this duty, labour settings don't matter. If you wanted _me_ to trade, you should have constrained me to a depot burrow or unchecked all 'pending' items from the depot-stocking screen when time was running short. And if i'd been too busy throwing a party afterwards, you could also have set the depot to 'anybody may trade' - they'd still have enjoyed the precise value ratings afforded by my appraisal skill, and obviously, a trade performed by a random rookie trader with shoddy skills still tends to be more useful than no trade at all performed by a legendary broker.

Yours sincerely,
Urist McBroker.

You WERE confined to a burrow.

Sincerely, Overseer.

[Loctavus]

Dear Madam Urist

I must ask that you stop making a fuss and shouting at our good mayor and get on with planting the food we need to survive. We know that flies health and safety concern, and rats are a dire and unimaginable threat.

In accordance with your wishes, Bridgechanneled and her six kittens have been put on the case.

However your other complaints are groundless. The missing chairs and well were built months ago, and the fact you had to sleep in the dirt is down to the fact you refused to build the bed before you slept. Also, your husband should know better than to go cleaning the traps when the threat of goblin incursion is ever present and his tomb will serve as a reminder to those who place cleanliness over personal safety.

I must also point out that you don't even know the meaning of dire and unimaginable threat. One supposedly exists even know beneath our feet. In the deep deep caverns. They say it is a giant skeletal elephant that breathes fire. If the scenes in the meeting area persist and you bruse the fat of anyone else I will personally appoint you to investigate the truth of this matter.

Yours, the overseer.

[Swonnrr]

Note to all carpenters:
The 4 Zombies Elephants WILL be released in the pit.
At that time, it will be surrounded by walls, or it will not.
Whatever option, it is your choice.
You have until my patience run out to finish that armok' damned wall.