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[krg]

Dear Urist McWeaponsmithturnedplanterturnedweaponsmith
(long name, I know)

I understand that when the desire and inspiration hit, you have to answer the call. Not a problem. I had a weaponsmith though and he was doing fine. Anyhoo, thank you very very much for the iron long sword, it shall hopefully be used to kill many goblins, (we are at war you know) but my question is this; did you have to name it Vathezestun? "Virginbind" in the low language of the humans. Is this an innuendo for something? Are you trying to hint that you would like a spouse? if you are, suffer. We work in this fort, not loll around and party all day. That is why you will never find a meeting hall anywhere here. You wish you get to know someone, fine. Do it on your time.
Also, the name "Virginbind," don't you think that it would be better suited to something else? Like, maybe rope?

Wonderingly,
Your overseer,
Krg

[BumbleMead]

Dear Reclaim Party,
 
Wow. Just wow. I already kind of suspected that you guys drop wagons from some kind of large bird or something, but this is nuts. How on earth were you able to even get the wagon into that room? It's barely big enough to fit, and yet you somehow managed to drive a three tile wide wagon through a one tile wide door. I know it's a bit cold here in spring, but that seems a little excessive, to jam a wagon into a hatching room. Kudos on breaking reality, now take the wagon apart. I want to set up egg production in here.
   -Baffled, Bumblemead

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[poisoned_salami]

Dear Reclaim Party,
 
Wow. Just wow. I already kind of suspected that you guys drop wagons from some kind of large bird or something, but this is nuts. How on earth were you able to even get the wagon into that room? It's barely big enough to fit, and yet you somehow managed to drive a three tile wide wagon through a one tile wide door. I know it's a bit cold here in spring, but that seems a little excessive, to jam a wagon into a hatching room. Kudos on breaking reality, now take the wagon apart. I want to set up egg production in here.
   -Baffled, Bumblemead

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

]

My friends, this is proof that the mountainhomes both HAVE knowledge of teleportation, and are withholding this knowledge from us. We cannot accept this transgression. We must rebel. Can you imagine what we could do with such power? We are dwarf fortress players. Think of the power we could harness. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!

Also, why is that image so huge?

On Topic:
Dear Urist McManager:
I have reviewed the wiki my records, it appears tin is not a safe material to build magma-proof screw pumps from.
Why did you not alert me of this? We could have saved lives. More importantly, we could have saved time.
Also, even if you didn't know that tin was not magma safe, or just didn't bother to add 2&2 together, you could have said "But, boss, we have no tin!" Instead of having the metalsmiths complain about "job item misplaced".
    I hate you,
       P.Sal. II,
Mortal embodiment of the overseer

EDIT:

Dear Mr. Mayor,
  No. We will not make more gauntlets for you. Especially an odd number of gauntlets. The smiths have more than enough work to do, already, what with the pump stack and all.
Besides, we still have plenty of other armor to try on, so why don't you try some of that? It's good to expand your horizons when it comes to armor types. But seriously, the fortress is overflowing with it. Besides, if you put it on, it MAY just help you, should you decide to order the construction of more gauntlets.

Your overlord,
   Poisoned Salami

P.S. What the heck do you need three gauntlets for anyways?

Beard

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seriously though, you got lucky. A noble who likes armour and weapons is much preferable to one who wants useless junk.

My favorite is one who likes bolts, that way I get reminders to make ammunition from time to time.

WOW, i guess i am lucky. The mayor likes gauntlets, and the baron likes maces.
I will only acknowledge the baron's requests though, as he's named after me.
You may now call me "Baron Von Salami"

[misko27]

Dear Urist McJewelers,
If I figure out which of you cut the last of our bituminous coal, I will drop you in with the FB and the crundles. Now we're mining like crazy to keep the metal industry alive. Thanks idiots.
Sincerely, The Overseer.


Dear Urist McMetalcrafters and FurnaceOperators,
Shut up. I know we have a problem. I will fix it. Be patient. Go enjoy the new well or something.
Sincerely, The Overseer

[Mrpoodle]

Dear Urist Mcsoldier, please do not leave your sword and armor laying discarded near the tiger-infested river.

                                                                                                                                                 Sincerely, your Overseer

[Sirbug]

Dear Urist McRecruit. When conscripted to help holding back against army of goblins, please report to stockpile for equipment. Your dead predecessor is not "fine too"

[Grey Goo]

You may now call me "Baron Von Salami"

Okay... *Pulls the lever...*

[KingBacon]

Dear Mayor Kadol,

I understand why you are angry that a mandate was ignored, but you really shouldn't be punishing veterans of the Deep War. They survived the worst event in our history. Why couldn't you just blame so random slag. Now one of our best sword dorfs is heavily injured, though it might be my fault for giving the guards slade war hammers. Probably should switch up the squads.

Also, I know you migrants are terrified of Tinfingers due to the massive piles of corpses, zombies, and yearly Goblin sieges. Well we still need you and your warm bodies. How else are we gonna fill the ranks.

Sincerely,
Your overseer.

 

[WoobMonkey]

Dear Urist McMechanic:

    I know that loading cage traps is an important part of your job.  I also am aware that there are a few outside of your current burrow, while the siege continues.

    What I'd like you to help me understand is why you continue to take, and cancel, the 5 'load cage trap' jobs on the surface, while ignoring/neglecting the 40-some-odd that need loading in cavern 2 - which, I remind you, is inside your assigned burrow.

     When the siege lifts, I'll let you know.  Until then, howabout not slacking off, taking a job that you aren't allowed to do, just to take breaks afterwards?

Cordially yours,

   a flummoxed overseer.

[nekoexmachina]

Dear Urist McMason! I understand that our beloved Militia Leader, Inod McMarksdwarf is your wife and you love her with your heart. But please, please stop creating statues exclusively of her becoming the militia commander! She did many good things in her life. You could embody her first enemy shot, or how she by herself destroyed the Urist McNecromancer, stoping the evil undead siege, or whatever.

P.s. Also, statues of other war heroes could be just as cool.


----

Dear Urist and Led McEngravers! I understand that Inod McMarksdwarf could be not so nice person and you have a grudge with her. But please don't engrave pictures of her, surrounded by trolls and her, being dispelled from the position of our military leader.


----

[orodoth]

dear fortress underlings

It has come to my attention that despite having 6 farmers, and 12 types of seeds, and 12 farm plots, the only thing we can manage to grow for booze is plump helmets.
Please un-@#!% yourselves.

signed,
The only thing between you and a command to open the draw bridge when the goblins come.

ps, really sick of hearing everyone else's belly aching about drinking nothing but dwarven wine.. grab some strawberries or something in the outside plots!!!

[BumbleMead]

Also, why is that image so huge?

Because I fail at editing images?

Dear Hunters,
Please quit hunting Firebirds. Seriously, every time you try you get set on fire, burn up the landscape, and start tantrum spirals as a result of your immolation. Anyway I can't gather sun berries for brewing if they're all ash.

[Larix]

ps, really sick of hearing everyone else's belly aching about drinking nothing but dwarven wine.. grab some strawberries or something in the outside plots!!!

Dwarfs take the nearest applicable item for a job, so if your still is completely surrounded by plump helmet storage...
... you'll have to go to the kitchen submenu and disable the brewing of plump helmets for a while.

[IronTomato]

Dear recruit,

You've been killed by a salmon. Welcome to the bottom of the food chain.


I am disappoint,

~IronTomato

[PDF urist master]

How did your recruit get killed by a vermin fish?