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[Dwarf4Explosives]

Dear Over *smear as one of the undead's fingers has fallen off whilst writing*

We ~n't have any way to get in to your fort. We may be morticidal, but we like to have a chance at acquiring brains to eat. And none of this stereotypical moaning nonsense. None of our limbs rot off, so why should our vocal cords?

Undead #17

[JTTCOTE]

Dear Mayor,
Why do you mandate construction of large gems, then forbid exporting them? You're not even a jeweler, you're a weaponsmith..what?

[Boltgun]

Dear Mayor,
Why do you mandate construction of large gems, then forbid exporting them? You're not even a jeweler, you're a weaponsmith..what?

Dear Overseer,

I am merely trying to stimulate the economy. And before you answer, I do believe that the goblin believe that we still believe in economy. Many more has been approaching us since I started mandating all those gems. My stock of scrap iron has never been so large.

Also, I love gems.

Sincerely,
Urist McGemlover

[the1337doofus]

A note to Stallion Mcmetalsmith/fisherpony:

 For future reference, we do not fish here. Do you want to know WHY we don't fish here?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That's why. Because there's big green clouds of radioactive dust. That usually turns ponies into corpses. And you're useful. You can smith. So next time I catch you outside for a stupid reason, I'm leaving you out there to get eaten by a radscorpion.

[Mr.Mountain]

Dear Urist

Next time you see one of the militia captains bleeding out on a cavern floor, please feel free to take him to a designated hospital instead of running to get the other guy's socks of his corpse.

Sincerely, your Overseer.

P.S.
-to the hidden necromancer in my fort:
STOP. ANIMATING. MUSSEL. SHELLS.

[Urist_McGamer]

A note to Stallion Mcmetalsmith/fisherpony:

 For future reference, we do not fish here. Do you want to know WHY we don't fish here?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That's why. Because there's big green clouds of radioactive dust. That usually turns ponies into corpses. And you're useful. You can smith. So next time I catch you outside for a stupid reason, I'm leaving you out there to get eaten by a radscorpion.

Dear OverMare/OverStallion,

But its what my Cutie Mark is telling me!

Yours, StallionMcFisherPoni

Dear Urist

Next time you see one of the militia captains bleeding out on a cavern floor, please feel free to take him to a designated hospital instead of running to get the other guy's socks of his corpse.

Sincerely, your Overseer.

P.S.
-to the hidden necromancer in my fort:
STOP. ANIMATING. MUSSEL. SHELLS.

Dear Mr.Mountain,

Never, fool! Do you not know you deal with the master of hiding!
"Babmo Bibrundo!"
There, another shell for you to play with!

Yours, MAREasmus the Necromancer

[YvAd]

Dear mayor,
When you mandate that i make stupid crap, and it isn't made- don't blame the ACTIVE DUTY military. It's not the militia commander's job to make gauntlets. He kills the zombies to keep you safe. Sending the useless fortress guard to try to beat him up is not productive. Go beat one of the metalworkers if someone really needs beaten.

[MrsStick]

Dear Urist McLeverPuller,

After yelling and berating you in my frustration over your reluctance to pull the lever when the siege forces came, I later realized that your laziness allowed all of our citizens and pets to make it into the fortress while just barely keeping the goblins, blizzard men, and trolls out.

So, I am not apologizing, but I am also your overseer for a reason. I am willing to accept the risk that pulling the lever early might cause us to lose one or more dwarves or pets. It's why all of our children and legendary status dwarves are permanently assigned to a burrow that doesn't let them exit the drawbridge (after losing our legendary mechanic...sigh).

So please pull the lever when I ask you to. Or else I might put you outside before pulling it next time.

[Artinnio]

Dear Urist McChampionSwordsMaster

Yes I understand your stress, I agree it's painful to see your first son die and your second son to get drafted into cavern spelunking duty. I also remember the last werecreature debacle and how your wife is now in quarantine and how your last squad got slaughtered before your very eyes. I understand how you are in need of some long down time but this does not mean you are able to abandon your comrades in the heat of a violent siege to drown out your sorrows. You're depression cost us several soldiers and collateral from their families will cost us greatly.

Next time wait until AFTER battle, or I'll send you to the pits

-Management of Fort Defense

[MrsStick]

Dear Urist,

Stop standing in the spot where you're trying to build a wall. YOU'RE THE CREATURE BLOCKING THE SITE!

Regards,
Overlady

[pisskop]

Dear Maim Overlady;

  I Can't.  You see, I have to climb the wall to complete it, being of average height.  I bet though, if you told us to stop making it and then reassigned it right after somebody else would have more luck. 

    Urist

[Hetairos]

Dear kobolds of Starus,
Trying to sneak into the fort through the barracks of the most elite squad in the fortress really isn't a good idea.

Yours,
Overseer of Wirejade

[Lolfail0009]

Dear Sea Lamprey

Fuck you

~Flamentsuyo, Fisherdwarf of Trumpetone.

[Jake]

Dear Wizard Merchants,

*sigh* You silly, silly bastards. Do you not test these spells down the archery range before the Guild sends you out? I moved the trade depot some considerable distance from the front door after the second time you scattered fellow merchants, local residents and beasts of burden like ninepins to take out one kobold thief. Charitably, I put these accidents down to the fact that the original depot was in a narrow dead-end valley, and you might simply be inexperienced when it comes to what some of those spells can do up close.

I was going to build a guard tower around it and station some marksdwarves there to provide security, but I'm rethinking that in light of the fact you managed to kill three -oh fucksake- seven of yourselves killing two charging goblins while standing in a new depot in a completely empty field. I'm still trying to work out exactly how you did that, but clearly it would behoove me to stick to an open-plan trade depot, because I can do without blood splatters all over the walls and ceiling; it tends to make sales negotiations rather strained.

And how in the name of all that's holy and a great many things that aren't did you manage to start another forest fire with an inch of snow on the ground?

Credit where credit's due, though, turning that goblin squad leader into a scarecrow was pretty cool.

Yours,

The increasingly world-weary Avatar of Armok to the Barony of Zustarek

[WanderingKid]

Dear Bearded Drunks of FurnaceClans,

This is your Overfiend.  I appreciate the fine work you've put into our fort for the last 30 years, but by the Blood of Armok, you're losing your minds in the hole.  Look, I get that it's faster to just stuff the wheelbarrow into the minecart instead of taking the rock out of it and putting THAT in the minecart.  I'm actually okay with that.

However, something must have recently gotten into the liquor, because you're spamming me to death with the wheelbarrow now being unavailable.  Look, you midget retards, you just put it IN the minecart.  What the hell did you expect?!

If you make me completely reorganize the stone QSP because you're too damned drunk to fix your own mess, I'm going to send one of you down to the caverns as a distraction for the Green Glass whatever that thing was which I can't light on fire with magma.  Get your beards combed, already.

-Overfiend.