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[krg]

To the spirits that insist on inhabiting a dwarf and making them run through the halls screaming the name of an artifact:

First off, thanks for the fey mood, but don't inhabit the glassmaker. I don't have the means to give him what he needs.

dfhack: die.

Second off, the armorer? Really? I mean great that its a fey mood and all, but I haven't even gotten close to that industry.

dfhack: die. again.

Third times the charm? Right.
Well, you finally learned to go for a dwarf that does more than haul things. Great job on choosing the carpenter/mason/mechanic/architect, but did you have to possess her? It couldn't be another fey, or even a secretive? Sigh.
Well, at least I can actually do something with this one.


I hope.

krg

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Dear Ustuth Ushrirkekath,

While I accept individuality, especially in children, I do not appreciate your repeated dismissal of Kadol Letmoslogem's masterwork doors.  They make people very happy.  It's fine if you don't like them, but Kadol really doesn't like you saying "Masterwork?  Why should I care?" and "I see the pursuit of good craftsdwarfship as a total waste."  Since you value introspection, I suggest you do some of that.  Since you are open to changing your mind, why don't you change your mind about this?  You aren't as important as you think you are.  Start caring about other people.

Yours sincerely,

James Woodward, Overseer of Teachcities

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Dear Nil Tostamost, Miner:

Congratulations on your successful fey mood and artifact.  I have noticed that you are very satisfied, and just said, "I shall name you the Dance of Secrets.  That was very satisfying!"  However, I wish I knew what the Dance of Secrets is.  Perhaps I shall know once I inspect the artifact closer.

In addition, you seem to have created a bed.  Out of mudstone.  You shall get to sleep on it, for two reasons.  One, you deserve it, and two, I'm not sure how comfortable that thing it.  I certainly won't be sleeping on it.  If you don't like how it feels, you can contemplate that while you sleep.

I just looked at it.  It's definitely a legendary bed.  However, it has spikes around the outside, made of mudstone and fox bone.  At least they're not on the top; however, that may be very painful if you get out of bed without jumping a small distance.

It has on it an image of a book in sheep wool.  The book has the words "The Town: Before and After", and I think that it may have been written by a necromancer.  That is, it describes the condition of a town before and after a horde of zombies ransacks it and kills all its inhabitants.  I wonder why you put that there.

Also in sheep wool, there is an image of a sand pear tree.  There!  See!  That's... related to something.  We have a lot of sand pear trees, and their logs fill the stockpile that feeds to your workshop.

I have noticed that our broker seems twice as excited to see the "Dance of Secrets" as the "Closed Stop."  No offense, Udil, but this is much better and much more useful than your kakapo bone piccolo with spikes of almond wood.  We don't play instruments yet.  Couldn't you have waited for the update, or something?

In addition, you seem to have become a legendary miner.  I have no problems with this, except HOW?  How under earth did you become a legendary miner by FIDDLING IN A WORKSHOP, MAKING A BED???

Carry on...

James Woodward, Overseer with a Headache

P.S. You are free to attend the party going on and shout "I've done it!", but could you please get to work mining out the new mayor's rooms?  It shouldn't take too long, what with you being legendary and all.  After that, could you mine out more rooms for the other migrants?  Thanks.

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Dear Mosus Melbilkiddir, New Mayor,

You just recently became mayor, about seventeen days ago.  You were elected mayor two days after you arrived.  That is fine; we need a mayor.  I didn't even complain about how you had just arrived, as you were family to most of the fortress.

So why on earth would you ban the export of rings?  Well, at least you told me this before I started making crafts.  I think I'll make mugs and toys instead.  You're not completely ruined in my eyes, but one more step...

Yours suspiciously,

James Woodward, Overseer of Teachcities

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Dear Zasit Alathmomuz,

Thank you for singlehandedly smoothing out the new mayor's quarters while Kadol made the doors, chairs, and tables for the migrants.  I recently asked you to engrave Mosus's bedroom.  You filled it with:

Images of the Dance of Secrets, the mudstone bed that Nil made.  This is fine; however, I do not think that two images of the same bed needed to be engraved.  That's fine, though; that is a good bed.  You called them the "Vines of Mystery" (Mystery's right) and the "Nightmares of Dredging" (Why did you engrave something called a nightmare of dredging in Mosus's bedroom?  Maybe you think Nil would have to dredge his nightmares to figure out why he named it the Dance of Secrets?).

An image of a human striking down an elf named "Nelo Shellsgods."  You named it the "Oaken Lunch."  Did the elf eat the oak?  Did the human, mimicking the elves, eat the elf and pronounce him as "oaky?"  That makes sense, though.  Why did you engrave that in Mosus's bedroom?  Oh, I get it.  Elves are stupid, and even if it was a human killing it, elves' deaths are GOOD!  That was in the early summer of 115 during Asesgencesh, the "Dangerous Onslaught," in Pointyleaf (Definitely an elven settlement) in the Jungles of Jail.

"The Gilded Razors," a fine Zasit Alathmomuz rendition of an image of a hazel tree.  What?  Oh, yeah, that's our image now.  But wouldn't it be a rendition of a hazel tree?  Did you draw a paper with a hazel tree on it?

"The Burns of Bridging," a superior rendition of a finely-designed image of a peach tree.  How did you make it superior and finely designed?

"The Crest of Rust," an exceptionally designed image of Cerol Lensreveres, our militia commander, surrounded by dwarves.  Could you engrave that in Cerol's room, too?  Also, there's no rust: they wear leather!

"The Fish of Scribing," a finely-designed image of YOU settling in Teachcities nine months after its foundation.  That's fine.

"The Silent Woman," a finely-designed image of the Closed Stop, the kakapo bone piccolo that Udil made.  Yes, he was silent as he made it, but he's not a woman.  By the way, he says he just doesn't appreciate art.  Huh.  He made a legendary piccolo - Oh!  That's why he didn't decorate it!  Now I understand!

Lastly, you engraved "The Trustworthy Rhythm," which is a superiorly designed image of Uzo Chantline and a grizzly bear.  The grizzly bear is striking down Uzo Chantlined.  The artwork relates to the killing of the human Uzo Chantlined by a grizzly bear in Spattertaupe in the Jungles of Jail in the midwinter of 115 during Okgush Othral, the "Assault of Conflagration."  Or so he says.  Wow, these dwarves know their recent events and history!  By the way, it's 126 now

Thanks, Zasit!  Your choice of stuff to engrave may be... odd, but the mayor'll be happy now!  And I've learned some history!

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Dear Mosus Melbilkiddir, mayor:

Please be content with your bedroom.  It is the only engraved one.  Why do you say it's not decent?

According to you, you're interested near a fine statue, table, another table, seat, yet another table, door, another door, your door, another table, another seat, your bed, yet another seat, and another seat.  How are you seeing so many...  Oh, you must be inspecting the common people's quarters.  The statue is your own, you know.

Wow, you're helping build your own statue garden!  Wow, you really are good!  I think I like you.

Congratulations on your re-election!  You seem eager to "get to it."  Apparently, that means eating.

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Dear Olon Kacothast:

Welcome to Teachcities!  It's safer here.  No, really, pun aside, it's safe here.  Look what happened to that were-monitor...  Oh, dear, please don't be terrified.  It's dead.  Or horrified at its death.  It would have killed us all if the hunters hadn't shot it full of bolts.

Oh, what's that you're saying?  You encountered a fascinating conundrum lately?  I think we'll get along fine.  Come down to my office and we can talk about it!  I love conundrums!

Oh, you prefer ideas and abstract concepts over specific practical issues?  Me too!  You act with a narrow focus on the current activity?  Me too!  You don't care much about friendship?  Me too!  You don't particularly value loyalty?  You try to keep things orderly?  You're stubborn and rarely discouraged?  You could be considered rude, sometimes?  You're not inherently proud of your talents and accomplishments?  You're curious and eager to learn?  He get distracted during conversations when you're exasperated?  Me too!  You need alcohol to get through the working day?

Umm...  Could I get back to you on that?

I think we'll be great friends!

You like diorite?  That's my favorite rock, too!  You like silver?  Me too!  It's good for weapons AND pretty stuff!  You like red grossular?  I have no idea what that is...  Oh, it's a gem?  Okay.  You like bolts?  Gauntlets?  Dwarven milk?  Me too!  I also hate purring maggots.  I guess you just forget about them when you drink milk.  Wow, you like the beer AND the flour from single-grain wheat?  Better get some of that.  I think I'd probably like that too!

Wow, I've found a great friend!  Right here in Teachcities!

Sigh...  If only...  I wish I could go there.

Wishing I could be here,

James Woodward, Overseer of Teachcities

[TheHossofMoss]

Dear Urist McSplatteredminer,

Did your mother ever tell you not to walk on minecart tracks? I guess not. I'll notify your lover.

Warmest regards,

The Overseer

[NESgamer190]

To the homelands:

Enough with the fish dissectors to the rocky wastelands!  The nigh-absence of water is not a foundation for a fishing industry!  You lot are better off sending cheese makers to my fort than fish dissectors!

From the somewhat baffled and miffed overseer,

NESgamer190

[Wondabarrapa]

Dear Urist McChild

please stop wandering around in the wild 5 miles away from the fortress you're just asking to be kidnapped
p.s. i wont miss you if you do get kidnapped i have about 96 other children ready to replace you

me

[Dozebôm Lolumzalìs]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf:

Please do not wander through the river just because it's at a decreased level due to filling of the cistern.  In case you didn't know, it's winter.  The river might freeze at any -

Your baby that you walked back and forth through the river to find is now motherless, and will likely die.

Dammit.  Die, Dwarf Fortress!  It's not my stupidity, so I think it's not cheating.

[NESgamer190]

To the (now deceased) ranged corps:

You are not to jump out of your murder tower to engage the enemy with thy crossbows by using them as bludgeons!  Stupidity like that gets casualties on us, not them!  The new ranged regiment will be trained to not make such a primitive decision like that, ya subpar squad!

Your overly irked overlord:

NESgamer190

[endlessblaze]

to the dwarf necromancer "gal rorkemete"
from fortress overseer "endlessblaze"

you are one of the to necromancers we have captured.  I have always wanted one.

there are corpses behind you. turn around a raise them so I can have my zombie death pit.

---------

to my fellow overseers at bay12
from overseer "endlessblaze"

I have a necromance in a 1x1 room, with a fortification to see the pit.

she wont raise anything and best I can tell is facing the wrong way.
I don't want to just toss a hunter down there. sure she might turn around if shot but I don't want her hurt.

advice?

[TheFlame52]

Drop a useless animal in the pit, maybe?

[endlessblaze]

did that, its not dead yet but its starving. if she wont raise it that will probably confirm she is facing the wrong way.

[Spehss _]

Dear founders of Ringscarred:

We need more migrants. As it is summer of the first year, migrants have arrived. Because there are undead corpses regularly crawling around outside, we have sealed the fort off. Because the fort is sealed off, the migrants can't get in and are trapped outside with the undead corpses.

Why would you all go on break right when I need someone to pull the lever to let the migrants in? If the migrants die and reanimate I may just let them in. Get off your lazy beards and let them in while they're still breathing.

Yours, your glorious overseer voice in your heads.

[xana55]

To the military of ironspear,

Why exactly did you all right into the fire that the forgotten beast set on all those webs left over from the previous one? Your lucky only three of you died, absurdly lucky, frankly I'm beginning to wonder if the queen isn't ordering you to do this to get revenge for all flasks and hatch covers I refuse to produce.  If that centuries old creep tells you to do anything else foolish ignore her and remember that even a queen night beast is still a night beast, the only reason we don't depose her vampiric ass is because she's personally wiped out three civilizations.

From, The overseer

[NESgamer190]

To my dwarves of the fortress I had to abandon due to a grizzly bear forcing my entire fort to starve due to punchabearitis:

Fighting a grizzly bear with your bare hands is not absolute top priority if the bear's unconscious!  Starving yourselves to punch a bear is not worth it!

Due to all of your incompetence, you all hereby are to evacuate the fortress so a new batch o' dwarves can hopefully not screw up as badly as you dimwits did.

Your infuriated overseer,

NESgamer190

[Corona688]

Domis, Inod, and Likot:

I realize you're on break because you're meeting area is small and sucks.

Do you know why it's small and sucks?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ON BREAK.

Everyone else:
Don't just stare at the trees, CLIMB THEM IF YOU WANT TO EAT THIS SEASON!  !$^!  That's FREE FOOD you're staring at!  Why are -- ..  are you SLEEPING?  Are you LOST IN THE TREE?  Don't go on break, DON'T GO ON --

...Mosus and As, it's down to you.  You're the only dwarves still working, may Armok have mercy on your soul.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Dear Urist McHauler and company,

Why do you only unload half the wagon then sit around wondering where everything else is while you continue to not do your only job? The important stuff is still right THERE! Go! Get! It! NOW!
That is all.

-Overseer