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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1473261 times)

Spinning Fly

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6615 on: February 16, 2016, 07:21:15 am »

Have you checked her preferences/personality/etc? She might be more temperamentally disposed to farming than to mining.

I hadn't checked, did so now:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

She seems to value or respect pretty much everything, except that she finds nature somewhat disturbing. All of nature except radishes, I guess.

Are they the first person on the units list? They're the first person to get a job. And if you have everyone harvesting, then there you go.

Yep she's the first on the list. That's it then.

Damn. I was sorta hoping there would be a more interesting explanation for it.
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khearn

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6616 on: February 17, 2016, 11:39:03 pm »

Dear Shim Bindeg, Millitia Commander,

 Your actions this afternoon in defense of the fortress were commendable. After a marksdwarf shot the approaching bobcat woman, you ran down from your patrol location on the wall and engaged in hand to hand combat, striking her repeatedly with your ≡pear wood shield≡. Even after she gave in to pain, you continued to beat on her with your shield. In fact, the log entries cover over 4 pages of you hitting her unconscious head with your shield. While your enthusiasm is commendable, the next time something like this happens, you might just want to think about using your ≡silver war hammer≡. You know, the one that was strapped to your upper body the entire time you were beating on that bobcat woman with your shield? It might help make things go a bit quicker.

  Sincerely,

     Your overseer.
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Admiral Obvious

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6617 on: February 17, 2016, 11:44:31 pm »

Note to every Wood Cutting Urist in the fortress.

Why is it that ALL of you would rather be socializing in the bar instead of doing the job I assigned you?

UristMcBarKeep died of alcohol poisoning, IN THE SAME ROOM AS ALL OF YOU, and thanks to you we don't have any wood to give him a proper casket, nor are you willing to gather any more.

I am removing the bar, and forbidding all of the contents within until you guys get sober enough to do your jobs...

Sincerely,
Your malevolent overseer.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2016, 11:48:15 pm by Admiral Obvious »
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Redman the Communist

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6618 on: February 18, 2016, 06:43:17 pm »

Dear, Urist McMiner,

It has come to my attention that you have been slacking lately, and there are no excuses for this, you sleep on the job, refuse to do work when the job I have specified for you is very high priority, and eat and drink everything. I tried taking away your other activities you for some reason enjoy to do, such as hauling and standing around in the meeting area, yet you refuse to do your job, I've recently begun employing other miners who seem to be much more productive at their new job. If I don't see improvement I'm afraid I'm going to have to "fire" you.

Sincerely, Your Dark Overlord Overseer.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2016, 05:38:54 pm by Redman the Communist »
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Williham

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6619 on: February 19, 2016, 01:51:53 pm »

To: All Youths of Winterhold

Operation Summer Camp exists for the good of the fortress. Participation is mandatory. Further reticence in adhering to the ideals of Operation Summer Camp will result in consequences.

Signed, your glorious leader, Duchess Clinchwonder of Winterhold
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khearn

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6620 on: February 19, 2016, 02:15:57 pm »

To all long term resident "entertainers":

I've been keeping an eye on you lot for a while now. Every time I check, you all seem to be eating, drinking, or socializing. I almost never see you reciting poetry or playing music, or whatever it is you signed on to do. I'm not paying you to eat, drink, or socialize. I'm paying you to... well, actually, I guess I'm not actually paying you at all, but I'm not providing you with free room and board so you can sit around eating and drinking and socializing. My citizens are quite capable of doing that without you, thank you very much. I'd better start seeing a little more entertaining out of you, or I'm going to have to turn up the heat a bit, if you take my meaning.

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cochramd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6621 on: February 22, 2016, 04:30:48 pm »

Dear Urist McGeldedAWildMuskoxInCombatBareHanded,

What the fuck Urist, how am I supposed to stud him now? Capturing, taming and BREEDING the local wildlife is an key part of our tundra/mountain survival strategy, you know! I've got half a mind to try to bridgeapult you into the volcano, but lucky for you the other half thinks I should keep your around to fight the goblins.

Signed, The Overseer
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Imic

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6622 on: February 23, 2016, 09:17:34 am »

Dear general citizens of the capital city of the dwarves, the name of which i forgot long ago cuz it was riddikilus.

GET FOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! Fish! Farm! I don't care! JUST FARM THE FOOOOOOOD!!! There's plenty of it, just stop eating it so that i can brew it! FOOOOOOOHOOOOOHOOOoOooOooooo...
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noirscape

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6623 on: February 24, 2016, 02:35:57 pm »

Dear Urist McIsNowDead,
You're lucky you're getting buried. It was your own fault you died, and I'm honestly suprised as to how you pulled it off. You went on to chop down a tree (as a Proficient Woodcutter no less!) and after you chopped it down, you got conked in the head by the logs and bled out immediatley. For now I've assigned two new Woodcuttters. You're not getting a nice burial in the catacombs but instead in the soil wall near my embark. And I walled it off. So there.
Greetings,
ev1l0rd


Dear Urist McNewWoodcutters,

Hello! Welcome to your new job! Exciting is it not? I just enabled the labour on you, and guess what? We've even got the wooden training axes you need to start chopping trees right away. Before you do so though, make sure to read the pamphlet Urist McIsNowDead didn't read. It details how to dodge the logs that you chop down. Also, Urist McWoodcutter #1, your training axe is not in the stockpile where the others are. It has been... dislocated to Urist McIsNowDeads not yet buried body. Don't worry, since we're in a Peaceful biome without any towers nearby he won't reanimate. Just take the axe of his body.

Greetings,
ev1l0rd
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don't take the above seriously. This is actually a pretty helpful group of people. Welcome to the insane asylum.

*Urist McEnlightened has been found dead, Enlightenment aneurysm.*

mirrizin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6624 on: February 24, 2016, 08:19:43 pm »

You guys really need to learn to deconstruct the stairs more carefully, so that you don't end up removing the final block while you are standing on it.

Just step off the block, then start the removal process. Is it so hard?

Apparently.  ::)
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MobRules

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6625 on: February 29, 2016, 05:20:54 pm »

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer,

I decided to check up on your skill level, and was surprised to see that it was not only merely at "adequate", but that it was rusty. How can this be, when you have a dozen war-dogs, a dozen puppies (that will become war dogs) and a Roc(!) assigned to you personally? Animal training has been your primary duty for the past twelve years, with other responsibilities minimized to leave time for your important work.

What gives?

Sincerely,

your ever-frustrated overseer.
« Last Edit: February 29, 2016, 05:26:13 pm by MobRules »
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Bumber

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6626 on: March 01, 2016, 07:30:49 am »

In related news:

Dear Urist McAnimalTrainer,
Why do you continuously let our trained animals slip all the way back to wild before retraining? There's no way I'm ever letting them out of their cages if you can't get your act together.

-Overseer of Fort Strangelove
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MobRules

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6627 on: March 01, 2016, 10:01:14 am »

Yeah, that too. (The continual "Roc has reverted to wild!" messages are why I checked the skill level in the first place :/
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Is this biome reanimating? I really don't want to know what happens when "absurd numbers of megabeasts" is combined with "reanimating biomes".

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6628 on: March 01, 2016, 11:37:05 am »

dear military commander
why? why??? WHY?!?!?!? WHY COULDN'T YOU GO WITH THE INEXPERIENCED RECRUIT?
BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM, HE WAS KILLED BY A GIANT MOLE! YOUR MISJUDGEMENT COST HIM HIS LIFE!ONE MORE DEATH ON YOUR HANDS AND YOU WILL GO TO THE "trash compacter of death". DO NOT BELIEVE THAT I WILL NOT DO IT!
 
                                  SIGNED
                               your angry overlord
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khearn

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6629 on: March 01, 2016, 12:13:48 pm »

Dear angry overlord,

Did you ever come down to the barracks and watch that kid spar? That meat was so stupid, He couldn't figure out which end of the spear goes towards the enemy. There's no way I was going into combat next to him, I'd have been in more danger from him than from the enemy. I told you he should have been assigned to the library instead of the military. But did you listen to me?

Your military commander, who prefers not to die from wounds inflicted by his own troops.
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