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[ReynTheLord]

Dear Urist Mc Blacksmith. Cut your shit, and make artifacts which aren't a shitty waste of resources like this!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[bloop_bleep]

Dear Urist McDorf,
    We have received your complaints about "not leading an interesting life recently."
    To satisfy your request, we have situated your new bedroom in the underground cavern.
    We are confident that the multiple resident Giant Cave Spiders will make your life quite interesting indeed.
Sincerely,
Management

[Derro]

Dear migrants,

Don't keep bringing grazing animals with you. You may have failed to notice, but this fortress is in an evil, reanimating desert. There's nothing to eat for the mules and llamas and whatnots, and once they die of starvation they're just going to rise as undead. I'm sure as hell not risking the fortress's collapse by butchering them.

[EldritchVoid]

Dear militia commander,

Recently we lost about half of the fortress to a forgotten beast, which proved to be quite fragile when it was struck down by an untrained civilian's fist. Your job is to ensure that such tragedies do not happen, and you would have succeeded if you had made sure the marksdwarves under your command had put some of the many bolts available to them in their quivers and that you had some in yours. Because you have served me well in the past and will have to bear the knowledge that your idiocy caused the death of almost 50 dwarves I will refrain from leaving you in that cage to starve or locking you in the temporary storage for the year it will take to construct and fill the coffins. Next time your services are required you will  either redeem yourself or die in battle should you wish to avoid my wrath.

Sincerely,
Fort Overseer

[Kyubee]

NOTICE FROM MANAGEMENT

Taverns are for good little workers who do their job; a kind of rewarf for a day of progress. They are NOT for people who havent worked a day since they arrived. If you continue to, go from being a new arrival straight to getting hammered in the tavern, you will be tossed into the snake pit to help the snakes fight any invaders or  starve waiting.

Also, if the corners of a build would be inaccessible after the adjacent peices fall into place, have some initiative and do that corner first. Workers whom do that will be given better rooms, and spared from the impending draft once the temple is completed.

Once again, going outside is off limits unless you are a woodcutter.we have a section of the river inside our walls, DO NOT go outside our walls to fish in front of the impending wave of lava spitting troglodytes. Those who do not heed this life advice will be buried in our great wall as a grim reminder of what stupidity does.

Civilians, if our army fails, do not try to block enemy swords with your bodies! lock yourselves in the bunker like everyone with a brain. The vault door is to be closed as soon as most dwarves are in the vault. There's a reason I set up a dormitory and all the noble quarters in there!

To those chosen for the draft, A lack of training is not an excuse to take that artifact adamantine hammer to battle. Have some common sense and pick up any other weapon, even the imported iron longswords, or that pitchfork over there.

REMEMBER: Socks are cheap, let the slaves get them. If you must get an object from a war zone, at least make it something lightweight but valuable. Might I suggest the various dropped goblinite weapons from the still-warm corpses?

Cheesemakers... Youre fine, we have plenty of milk producing creatures. Just... Do other jobs too, please. We don't need you lazing around because "No milk is around" or whatever. Go grab a pick and make yourself less useless; Help to excavate the cavern im gonna build that temple in or something.

[muldrake]

Dear Urist Mc Blacksmith. Cut your shit, and make artifacts which aren't a shitty waste of resources like this!

I'm always at least moderately okay with any artifact that is actually useful for something.  That could be a nice possession for some gimp dwarf.

[Derro]

Dear migrants,

I can tolerate your lack of valuable skills, your inability to bring along extra picks or axes, or even the doomed livestock you keep importing. However, if you enter the map, don't do so next to the undead murderous mule. It's a desert, there's no way you'd be unable to see that thing, so don't get close to it. The next time this happens, I'm leaving you all to your fates.

Your overseer

[Screamy]

Dear colonists of my first colony ever.

Sorry in advance for you horrible deaths.

Much love.

/Screamy; Newly appointed god of wine, carrion and confusion.

[Squirrelloid]

Dear moody weaponsmith dwarves,

We had a good thing going.  The queen likes battleaxes, and you gave her artifact battleaxes.  But this spate of adamantine maces has got to stop.  If you must, the platinum is over there.

[Ironfang]

Dear Millers,

I would like to inform you of the fortress's recent addition of several safe, reactor powered millstones. Since the new grinders are near a stock pile, and less likely to be destroyed by every passing beast, I see little reason for you not to use them.

Please, grind some of that stuff! We are running low on tallow right now and need that oil. We have more than enough cottonseed and kenaf. Will any of you learn that every 8 units of oil saves another Puppy. Seeing as most of you do not need to make soap when you lack oil or tallow, you should be perfectly able to use the millstones.

It was a lot of work to make that reactor.

Love- Your soap demanding overseer.

[Screamy]

Dear Mr. Braids.

You´re a hardworking lad, I respect that, between cooking and boozecrafting I think it´s fair to say that your brothers and sisters would be far skinnier and angrier without your tireless labor!

Now if you need a nap to keep your tempo up, trust me, no one´s more pleased than me, but why the doorway to the grand stockpile?
 Arguably the busiest tile on the entire map!
  I was more than relieved to see that you did not in fact force the entire fort to take a detour around your narcoleptic self, but it now means that you´ve got a neverending stream of dwarves walking over and around you as you sleep, if indeed sleep is even the word for it!
 I think Dr. Twitchy just ran you over with a wheelbarrow!

Now, I wouldn´t dream of telling you where to sleep or not, but might I suggest your room? Remember it? Decent size? Contains a soft bed, well crafted furniture and a statue of a... Blood gnat..? Ok, sorry about the statue, I´ll talk to Ms. Irons afterwards, but surely better than literally having the entire fort walking over you!

And I know, I know, after waking up, your neck turned 90 degrees to the side, with boot and wheelprints all over your bruised body, that it´ll be very tempting to go and tell me aaaall about how angry you are, maybe even throw a little hissy fit.

But I swear to Armok, if you do I will.... ... ...Post a very passive aggresive letter to your door! Seeing as how we´re quite few, and I´m yet to technically inept for deathtraps.
 But still!

/Passive aggressive hugs and kisses.
/Dave. God of Wine, Carrion and Confusion.

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McWeaver,

As I'm sure you're aware, we have several vampires in our fortress. They come in to the tavern to drink our booze and eat our food and contribute absolutely nothing, but what can you do? Anyway, I realize that doors are at a bit of a premium right now, but your room was one of those lucky enough to have a door. I am also well aware that our doors are lockable, as I have done it myself. With that in mind, perhaps you should consider locking yourself in when you go to sleep at night. If you had done so, you would still be alive right now, and not have given all your blood to some vampire or other. I am truly sorry for your lots.

R/OS

[scourge728]

Dear Urist McWeaver,

As I'm sure you're aware, we have several vampires in our fortress. They come in to the tavern to drink our booze and eat our food and contribute absolutely nothing, but what can you do? Anyway, I realize that doors are at a bit of a premium right now, but your room was one of those lucky enough to have a door. I am also well aware that our doors are lockable, as I have done it myself. With that in mind, perhaps you should consider locking yourself in when you go to sleep at night. If you had done so, you would still be alive right now, and not have given all your blood to some vampire or other. I am truly sorry for your lots.

R/OS

but vampires don't eat or drink other than blood

[TV4Fun]

Dear Urist McWeaver,

As I'm sure you're aware, we have several vampires in our fortress. They come in to the tavern to drink our booze and eat our food and contribute absolutely nothing, but what can you do? Anyway, I realize that doors are at a bit of a premium right now, but your room was one of those lucky enough to have a door. I am also well aware that our doors are lockable, as I have done it myself. With that in mind, perhaps you should consider locking yourself in when you go to sleep at night. If you had done so, you would still be alive right now, and not have given all your blood to some vampire or other. I am truly sorry for your lots.

R/OS

but vampires don't eat or drink other than blood

Well I really mean they are visitors, and the other visitors eat all our food and drink all our booze. The vampires drink all our blood, which I'm fine with as long as they stick to other visitors, and indeed one such vampire was kind enough to kill a dragon after it had completely slaughtered the rest of my army, but when they kill citizens, that's going too far.

[wierd]

Dear Mr. Braids.

You´re a hardworking lad, I respect that, between cooking and boozecrafting I think it´s fair to say that your brothers and sisters would be far skinnier and angrier without your tireless labor!

Now if you need a nap to keep your tempo up, trust me, no one´s more pleased than me, but why the doorway to the grand stockpile?
 Arguably the busiest tile on the entire map!
  I was more than relieved to see that you did not in fact force the entire fort to take a detour around your narcoleptic self, but it now means that you´ve got a neverending stream of dwarves walking over and around you as you sleep, if indeed sleep is even the word for it!
 I think Dr. Twitchy just ran you over with a wheelbarrow!

Now, I wouldn´t dream of telling you where to sleep or not, but might I suggest your room? Remember it? Decent size? Contains a soft bed, well crafted furniture and a statue of a... Blood gnat..? Ok, sorry about the statue, I´ll talk to Ms. Irons afterwards, but surely better than literally having the entire fort walking over you!

And I know, I know, after waking up, your neck turned 90 degrees to the side, with boot and wheelprints all over your bruised body, that it´ll be very tempting to go and tell me aaaall about how angry you are, maybe even throw a little hissy fit.

But I swear to Armok, if you do I will.... ... ...Post a very passive aggresive letter to your door! Seeing as how we´re quite few, and I´m yet to technically inept for deathtraps.
 But still!

/Passive aggressive hugs and kisses.
/Dave. God of Wine, Carrion and Confusion.

Dearest overseer,

While I am sure that from your lofty perch, it is often difficult to determine the difference between normal sleeping, and complete catatonia, one of the diagnostic criteria of the latter is failure to respond to external stimuli, such as being driven over with said wheelbarrow.

The grueling work schedule required to keep this place stocked on food and drink requires a level of effort that often results in the complete and total depletion of all my reserves of stamina, resulting in complete, work-induced coma. I tried the best I could to make it to my bed, I just collapsed before I could get there. While I understand how difficult the logistics of proper fortress planning can be, and how this results in certain, shall we say, inefficiencies, I must ask: why is the hallway only one tile wide, such that people have to drive over the top of a catatonic dwarf who just fails to properly judge how tired they really are? Did they not teach you in overseer academy that 2-tile wide hallways for major areas are the best compromise of pathing efficiency to map use? I am quite certain that much dwarven science has been conducted on this matter--

What I am tactfully trying to say, beloved overseer, is that my collapsed form should not have been a major impediment, even in a major traffic artery, had the fortress been properly designed. By no means do I intend to impugn your ability to administrate this fine facility, just that perhaps there might be some outstanding inefficiencies in the layout that contribute to my exhaustion overtaking me before I can reach my destination, which I can assure you, was indeed my nice soft bed.

Yours truly, Mr Braids.