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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1492729 times)

escondida

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7095 on: December 20, 2017, 03:37:55 pm »

But more of the bolts would hit...

Oh, has that changed? It used to be that skilled effected only firing speed, so more skill was worse for fort-mode dwarves.

Well, I mean, firing speed is tied to damage, so even if accuracy was not increased there would be more one-hit kills and thus it would in fact be better.

What you're saying is that "yes, that has changed." (-:

It used to be that dorfs could fire off loads of bolts against a single enemy, and would ultimately end up wasting bolts because the enemy had no chance to bleed out before they fired again. I haven't messed with archery much since the days of 1-tile trees, because it's so fiddly in fort mode; I guess I missed that change.
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Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7096 on: December 21, 2017, 05:54:46 am »

Well, it's not !!SCIEN!!tific, but I've always felt like skilled marksman were more accurate.
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Quote from: KillerClowns
Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7097 on: December 21, 2017, 03:38:03 pm »

I know for sure that adventurers skilled at throwing are more accurate at throwing. I just assumed it worked the same way for archers.
Don't know for sure, though.

Also,

Dear citizens,
If you let those keas escape outside the cave, no more booze for you.
I will not let the miner's death go unavenged.
Signed, your overseer.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2017, 03:40:24 pm by pikachu17 »
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☼Another☼

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7098 on: December 22, 2017, 02:57:52 pm »

Dear Urists (Yes, all 18 of you),

Your services would be very much appreciated now, being the only military this small fort has. Had you not all  dehydrated to death punching a giant panda, instead of actually following your orders to kill the zombie siege right now, we'd probably be in a much better situation now.

-Your angry overseer
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Paralyzoid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7099 on: December 24, 2017, 12:07:10 am »

Dear military dwarves,

We're in the middle of a f**king siege.
You're outside.

Please stop falling asleep. Seriously, I assign you all great bedrooms and let you have a week to sleep in them before sending you outside the gates, and you still can't help falling asleep on your way to the station point?
Especially you, Urist McHammerLord. I expect better of you.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not complain about being irritated you're sleeping in the dirt. It's your loss.

Sincerely,
Your frustrated overseer.
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He felt aroused after seeing the goblin Ramkal Drunkensiege's dead body.

Paralyzoid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7100 on: December 24, 2017, 12:14:28 am »

Follow-up:

The hammerlord died in his sleep.

Wow. Thanks.
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He felt aroused after seeing the goblin Ramkal Drunkensiege's dead body.

Gigabytebob

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7101 on: December 29, 2017, 07:13:23 pm »

Dear Kobold citizens of *unintelligible kobold speak*
please stop trying to fight the natural hazardous creatures in the area and just hide in your cave homes like good bolds and wait out the threat or send the AMAZING AWESOME INCREDIBLE KOBOLD MILITIA of 2 copper spearbolds and 1 lock bowbold     
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adamantine, the only material that can be honed to an edge so fine it can cut light, cleave steel like butter, and sever heads with the enthusiasm of a deranged bloodthirsty child.

Turn those goblinoid uglybolds into adorable cutebolds

MachTwelve

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7102 on: January 01, 2018, 01:28:12 am »

To the Alcoholic Useless Wastes of Oxygen that happen I happen to Oversee:

If you slackers refuse to pull the *ONLY* lever in the civilian alert room a second time when a goblin raiding party is making its way down the main staircase, I won't be sending the military to save your sorry hides again.

You daft idiots cost us the lives of three good marksdwarves because they were out of position, when the previous three sieges had no losses at all. No, burial is denied at this time, the ghosts can haunt you ingrates to death for all I care.
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Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7103 on: January 10, 2018, 01:56:18 am »

To all the non-military dwarves of Matchedceiling:

I set the alarm, restricted you all to the indoor burrow, and lifted the drawbridges. After making sure you were on the fortress side.
How in Armok's name did no less than 80% all of you end up outside the dry moat with the goblins, and most of you dodge off at the same corner to a 5-level drop onto stone.?
« Last Edit: January 10, 2018, 03:15:43 am by Deus Machina »
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Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

Rockeater

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7104 on: January 10, 2018, 12:59:43 pm »

Dear militia
Please note that the fact that the river is frozen now dosn't mean he will be the hole time when you go from one side of it to the other

Dear malitia captain
After you picked up your equipment for the mission is not the time to sleep

from Annoyed oversear
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Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
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Monomstodir

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7105 on: February 02, 2018, 07:38:06 am »

Memo to: all soldiers

You have all been issued with steel helms. Some of you have even been gifted with adamantine armor pieces. It is not a matter of argument that steel offers more protection than frayed silk. If you wear the *#*&$¥@% helms, you won’t get your skulls caved in by a bestial chinchilla that time forgot.

Sincerely,

Refilling your squad with goblin poets and elven dancers
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TheFlame52

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7106 on: February 02, 2018, 05:21:35 pm »

Memo to: all soldiers

You have all been issued with steel helms. Some of you have even been gifted with adamantine armor pieces. It is not a matter of argument that steel offers more protection than frayed silk. If you wear the *#*&$¥@% helms, you won’t get your skulls caved in by a bestial chinchilla that time forgot.

Sincerely,

Refilling your squad with goblin poets and elven dancers
Memo to: Overseer

But our clothes are so comfy! Anyway, you never said we couldn't wear our silk.

((Did you remember to set their uniforms to replace clothing?))

Iapetus

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7107 on: February 08, 2018, 04:49:22 pm »

Oh, hello Cerol Elisgeshud.  So, you've made a figurine, have you?  A "mussel shell figurine of a mussel", eh?  "The item is an image of a mussel in mussel shell", eh?  With no quality modifier.  You know what I think, Cerol?  I don't think that's a figurine at all.  I think that's just a mussel shell.   
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Engraved on the floor is a well-designed image of a kobold and a carp.  The kobold is making a plaintive gesture.  The carp is laughing.

feelotraveller

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7108 on: February 08, 2018, 07:38:13 pm »

Dear Thikut jr.,

I recently spent some considerable time drafting a detailed letter to the Mountainhomes expressing our beguilement with the inability of our dwarfs to produce any other toy than boats.  It was an arduous undertaking and not one that I expected to be well recieved.  Fortunately my own tardiness was a virtue in this case since just yesterday Urist produced a magnificent platinum mini-forge.

On investigation it turns out that every single crafter in our fortress has been repeatedly pestered, to the point of distraction, by your incessant demands for toy boats.  So while I find it admirable that you have such a keen interest at a young age I am only held back by the protestations of your parents from putting you on a raft and letting you drift downstream to the human settlement on the inland sea, waterfalls notwithstanding, where they might find a fit use for you.  As it is you are hereby banned from all crafting workshops until further notice. 

If toy boats are again produced in any number before we have a good range of other toys available for use I may have cause to review this decision.

Yours, in all frustration,
Dodok Idenrab, expedition leader Sterncraft
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7109 on: February 10, 2018, 01:34:11 pm »

To Urist McFarmer

So look, I know that we just built a bunny pasture, and that you have a list of creatures that are ostensibly bunnies that are meant to live there.  Sarvesh Glazedays is on that list. However, Sarvesh Glazedays is an angry giant. This was clearly a typo, as frumious giants are not meant to live with bunnies as per our usual operating procedures.

Please take Sarvesh back to its cage.

Thank you
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