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[weiserthanyou]

Dear Urist McEliteSoldiers
We conquered the civ 5 years ago. I recalled you 5 years ago. Half your comrades returned over the first 6 months.

WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And if you're dawdling, I'm going to go adventurer just to kill everyone who doesn't join me on my way to back the fort.

[SQman]

Dear Urist,

There is a stockpile full of masterful mussel roasts by the dining hall, yet you choose to eat exclusively raw alfalfa. I wouldn't have a problem with your decision if you weren't constantly whining about the imaginary lack of decent meals.

I remain,
SQman

[pikachu17]

Dear Urist,

There is a stockpile full of masterful mussel roasts by the dining hall, yet you choose to eat exclusively raw alfalfa. I wouldn't have a problem with your decision if you weren't constantly whining about the imaginary lack of decent meals.

I remain,
SQman

Try storing the non-prepared food behind the prepared food.

[HMD Majesty]

To: Urist McEngraver.

Subject: Night Troll Engravings.

I understand that not much has happened, but did you really need to make about half your engravings be about the wanderings of the local night troll?

For future reference, I like the ones about strange moods and the one about the making of a masterwork glass pot.

[Dwarf_Fever]

Dear Urist McPrisonerHauler,

We are well aware that the caged prisoners need to be executed, which is why we are having you drop them into a deep pit with a weapon trap at the bottom. While your enthusiasm in disposing of them is appreciated, there is no need to jump down the hole after them in an attempt to engage them in combat. You have found yourself clinging by your fingertips to the edge of the pit several times now, and yet the lethality of the drop seems to have still escaped your notice. Please, for your safety and the dwindling sanity of your loved ones, just drop the prisoners down the hole and leave.

Sincerely,
The management

Dear Urist McManagement, please consider removing the walls directly underneath the pit as well as installing safety hatches to prevent said prisoners from gaining traction and attempting to drag us down with them.

Regards,
Your needlessly endangered workers

[《monty》]

Dear Urist in Command Block 2,

Pull the lever. PULL THE LEVER. YOUR ONLY JOB IS PULLING THE LEVER.

[Galap]

Dear Urist McSoldier,

We are glad that you appreciate lovely training tower we have made for the army, and that the outdoor training regimens have proven quite effective in combating cave sickness.

While your vigor in training is admirable, please refrain from jumping over the two-storey tall parapet during dodging training. There is no way to climb down from the trees, and though your armor is of the highest quality, you can be seriously injured or killed when we cut them down to free you.



Thank you,
-Galap

[asialsky]

Dear Colonists of Angelbridges:

Please stop cutting trees from the top. I realize that your prayers to the almighty RAWs have transformed you into winged creatures (dragonborn variant, private D&D mod), but you apparently do not understand how flying works. While I admire your tenacity, flying several stories into the air, I would appreciate not having to build a staircase to get you back down.

For those of you who DO come down on your own, carry on.

[DET439]

Dear Dorfs,

I don't  want to hear ONE FREAKIN WORD about the miasma that kobold is generating. You're the ones letting him rot away merrily on the steps.  There's plenty of room in the refuse heap, all of you have hauling turned on...go to it! Or maybe you secretly like the stinky?

Confused,

Me

I had the same problem. Make a "Garbage Dump" zone in addition to your refuse stockpile. Then use K to look at the body and D to dump it.

[LaChouette]

Dear Urist McFisherman and Urist McFisherman,

You came into my fort as migrants skilled in fishing and with that job enabled. Please stop complaining about the rain or you'll be assigned to fishing labour in the caverns with your giant cave spider friends where you'll want the rain back.

Sincerely,

the Stumpland manager trying to make everyone happy but failing because of you two idiots.

[asialsky]

Dear Urist McFisherman and Urist McFisherman,

You came into my fort as migrants skilled in fishing and with that job enabled. Please stop complaining about the rain or you'll be assigned to fishing labour in the caverns with your giant cave spider friends where you'll want the rain back.

Sincerely,

the Stumpland manager trying to make everyone happy but failing because of you two idiots.

Dear Overseer,

We have more than enough wood, yet you refuse to build us a fishing shack. We shall continue to complain until such time as we are accomadated.

[Deus Machina]

Okay, fine, maybe it was foolish of me to think that a garbage chute down the central staircase was a good idea.
On the other hand, when one of you catches a chunk of marble in the head, I'm laying some real blame on the one that immediately tantrumed and destroyed the trapdoor that was there to catch it, and the rest of you that started the traditional run for socks and got hit with the rest of the excavation's castoff.
All 32 or you.
(Yes, dumping boulders cut me from 120 dorfs to 88 so far.)

[KittyTac]

Dear UristMcWoodcutter,

Why did you stand under the elf caravan flyswatter? That corpse is unsightly, you know.

Sincerely,
The Overseer of Faceplant

[LaChouette]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

I built you a fishing shack to protect you from the rain, I made your favourite alcohol, I put a statue in your bedroom, I even let you do some leatherworking, forbidding my master leatherworker from doing his job, so you could get some crafting done and be happy. Even with that, you started punching your fellow dwarves, strangling your pet duck and you toppled the tanner's workshop. This is the last straw. Go get that legendary artifact instrument from that fort very far away and don't come back until you've calmed down.

[TubaDragoness]

Dear Urists,

Please stop suplexing goblins from the top of the pasture walls. My militia is not properly prepared to take on a siege of that size, but we have sealed our fort so we can continue operations as normal. If you leave this protected zone, there is nothing we can do except sigh as you are torn apart by beak dogs and lashers.

Sincerely,
Overseer (Dabbling Architect)

Also re: rotting corpses - you have an accessible corpse (y) stockpile in addition to the refuse (r) stockpile, yes? Sapient creatures and pets don't count as normal refuse.