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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 897310 times)

doublestrafe

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarve
« Reply #7215 on: January 20, 2019, 07:50:00 pm »

Dear Urist McClothier,

Let me first extend my most heartfelt condolences in this trying time. I do understand; art desecration is a terrible thing, and it is my understanding that a number of your greatest works were recently destroyed. Take all the time you need until the emotional shock passes.

That said, it would be of some personal comfort to me if you gave some indication of grief or even acknowledgement, however small, for the half dozen dwarves who were wearing them when the collapsing scaffolding cast them screaming into the magma moat.

Regards,
The Overseer
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Hans Lemurson

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarve
« Reply #7216 on: January 21, 2019, 06:31:07 am »

Dear Urist McClothier,

Let me first extend my most heartfelt condolences in this trying time. I do understand; art desecration is a terrible thing, and it is my understanding that a number of your greatest works were recently destroyed. Take all the time you need until the emotional shock passes.

That said, it would be of some personal comfort to me if you gave some indication of grief or even acknowledgement, however small, for the half dozen dwarves who were wearing them when the collapsing scaffolding cast them screaming into the magma moat.

Regards,
The Overseer
"Don't know 'em, didn't see the bodies, don't have to care.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to mourn the loss of fine socks and trousers whose fate I never saw."
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Foolprooof way to penetrate aquifers of unlimited depth.  (Make sure to import at least 10 stones for mechanisms)
Toughen Dwarves by dropping stuff on them.  (Nothing too heavy though, and make sure to wear armor.)
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"Urist had a little lamb
whose feet tracked blighted soot.
And into every face he saw
his sooty foot he put."

Indricotherium

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7217 on: January 25, 2019, 12:04:54 pm »

Dear Hammer Dwarf,

Yes, you are weak and slow to heal and are terrified. However, your compatriot in arms was just on the other side of the door to the caverns battling a troll all by themselves. One by one, you could hear their arms break, their left hip crushed, their eye gouged out. And yet they fought on, kicking with their last leg and managing, of all things, to bite the troll right in the face and twist its head around savagely. Their desperate shouts for help rang in your ears while you piddled your pants, knuckles white around your weapon and shield.

It was not until two other monster hunters showed up that the three of you attacked and made short work of the troll.

For Luc the Marksman however, it was too late. Shortly thereafter, Luc bled out as the three of you stood by.

I cannot decide yet whether to expel you for cowardice or keep you around to see if this event will change you for the better.
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That is a wasteful idea that recklessly endangers life. I applaud your genius!
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Cydonian Monk

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7218 on: January 25, 2019, 05:14:49 pm »

Dear Urist McGuardWhoWouldBeKing,

I understand your confusion, really, I do. The fort you have been tasked to guard is, in fact, named SunThrone. Throne is part of its name. We do have aspirations of one day becoming a metropolis, challenging the MountainHome, and welcoming the King and his court to live here in our glorious new project.

This does not mean SunThrone is actually a Throne, or in anyway ready to support a monarch. We are a small force of 20 brave souls, and have yet to finish our first winter. The Polar Bears still growl outside our gates. We possess a well, a farm, and five or six sheep. We have brewed a few kegs of our own wine. This, however, is the extent of our wealth. SunThrone is not yet a home fit for a Baron, let alone a King.

And so, despite the conclusion of your recent "polite discussion with your local rivals", we must unfortunately deny your claim to the Kingship of The Metal of Infamy. You are not yet ready to lead your own militia squad, let alone an entire civilization.

Please return to your guard post, which has been moved underneath the atom smasher bridge.

Regards,
Your Expedition Leader.
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Bumber

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7219 on: January 26, 2019, 02:03:59 am »

I cannot decide yet whether to expel you for cowardice or keep you around to see if this event will change you for the better.
Dear Expedition Leader,

In some forts I've visited, they solve cowardice by throwing the coward in a room with weak creatures and forcing them to fight. Sure, you can train discipline through combat drills, but real fights seem much more appropriate (and entertaining) in this case.

Just a suggestion,
Monster Hunter
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. Was this inevitable (Y/y)?

methylatedspirit

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7220 on: January 31, 2019, 07:36:49 am »

Dear Dwarves of Craftright,

What's wrong with you? Why do you declare that there is no "non-economic stone", even when I designated an entire z-level for mining? I could see the microcline, the gabbro, both non-economic stones. Really, why? I even checked that I hadn't restricted them by accident. I had forbidden every single thing in Craftright, then reclaimed everything, thinking that this was related to the brewing incident, in which all of you declared that there was no food to brew alcohol out from.

You're all lucky I couldn't drown you all, since the river was frozen all year round and I don't know how to use pumps. I was rooting for all of you, because there was hematite that just so happened to be in the walls of your bedrooms. Sure, the caravans provided the fortress with 99% of its weapons and armor, but I was hoping that, combined with the marble in the second cavern layer, you'd all be able to make steel weapons, armor and bolts on your own, just in case the elven civilization decided to invade or something.

Regards,
Your (former) overseer.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2019, 10:32:15 am by methylatedspirit »
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Indricotherium

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7221 on: January 31, 2019, 09:33:57 am »

Dear Unknown Vampire,

Well played. That dormitory is like Grand Central Station and yet there were no witnesses to your foul deed!

Still, your overconfidence shall be your undoing. I have been saving that caged zombie elf for a reason you know...

Yours,
The Overseer of Raspedlances
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That is a wasteful idea that recklessly endangers life. I applaud your genius!
There are as many ways to play the game as there are socks on a battlefield.

Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7222 on: February 01, 2019, 05:31:22 pm »

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire
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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7223 on: February 02, 2019, 11:52:14 am »

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire

Sure, hang out with your buddy. Don't mind the fact that everyone else seems to be freaking out for some reason.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2019, 11:54:44 am by Bumber »
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. Was this inevitable (Y/y)?

Derro

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7224 on: February 04, 2019, 09:56:03 am »

Dear Urist McFarmer

Firstly, you took the expedition leader post that I had intended for someone else. Then, when I give you the simplest task possible - chain up a turkey outside so we can investigate the horrid murk - you don't simply waltz through the murk while moving the turkey, but even go take a nap in there. At least you helped me discover that it causes slow and painful death, so I guess justice got served.
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Indricotherium

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7225 on: February 06, 2019, 11:53:04 am »

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire

Sure, hang out with your buddy. Don't mind the fact that everyone else seems to be freaking out for some reason.

You get it. :) Too bad I released the zombie into the general population like a numbskull when I got distracted by a migrant wave and forgot to lock the airlock of the holding facility.  :o
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That is a wasteful idea that recklessly endangers life. I applaud your genius!
There are as many ways to play the game as there are socks on a battlefield.

that_eye

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7226 on: February 09, 2019, 06:24:54 pm »

Dear Wood Burner Nil uristlogem,

You have the craftsdwarfship labor enabled. If you're stressed out due to going too long without practicing creativity, just take a craftsdwarf station job! You're really good at burning wood, but that doesn't have to be ALL you ever do. Just chill on the throwing cups around, please.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7227 on: February 13, 2019, 03:12:37 pm »

Dear Wood Burner Nil uristlogem,

You have the craftsdwarfship labor enabled. If you're stressed out due to going too long without practicing creativity, just take a craftsdwarf station job! You're really good at burning wood, but that doesn't have to be ALL you ever do. Just chill on the throwing cups around, please.

Make some cups, then see if you want to throw them afterwards.
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7228 on: February 14, 2019, 05:58:17 am »

Sorry mum   :(
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PineMarten

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7229 on: February 15, 2019, 11:08:10 am »

Dear Soldiers of Shotconvent,
I am quite frankly perplexed by your recent actions. Why was it that only a recruit and our poorly trained marksdwarf summoned enough courage to engage the towering humanoid of flame, while all 18 of you other much more skilled soldiers stood back and peered into the deadly flaming vapors it was spraying? Perhaps if you had acted at all reasonably we might have killed it and prevented the destruction of our entire fortress.  I hope you enjoy choking on the smoke of burning corpses.

Sincerely, your !!Mayor!!.
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