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[Deus Machina]

Dear Urists,
We have plenty of free beds in the hospital. Very few tables and traction benches, but there are a couple and we're getting the rest set up.
There's really no reason to dump injured dorfs on the floor in the corner.

[HMD Majesty]

To Our Mayor:

We do not have Iron.  We do not have Steel.  We do not have Iron Ore.  We do not have enough spare Iron Objects to smelt.  It is only due to Our Magic that We know there is any Iron Ore here at all, and it is twenty Levels below Our Fortress.

We have better Things to be digging at this Time then Mineshafts, such as your Quarters.  We will not mine for Iron Ore until these other Projects are complete.  We will attempt to trade for Iron, Steel, or Iron Ore from the yearly Caravan when it comes.

If We have Reason to believe that the Anvils will not be made in time, We will be forced to take Drastic Action.

[Firebird766]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

Fancy yourself a noble, do you? Don’t think I can’t see that shiny little “Lord” title you’ve been trotting out recently. Don’t think I also can’t see that you’ve decided to turn off all labors for yourself. And that really isn’t acceptable at all.

Take a look at our first noble. He’s the Baron, and guess what? The Baron mines. The Baron hauls. The Baron doesn’t consider himself too good for manual labor like you seem to. The Baron is even smart enough to mandate orders for things we were going to make anyway. So while he is welcome in this fortress, you are not. Go join those elven fellows up north who randomly decided we’re awesome. Don’t come back unless you’re ready to start moving stone.

Cheers,
-Your most generous Overseer


Dear Urist McRanger,

I took off all your ranger labors and canceled the “gather silk” request at the loom for a reason. This reason was to keep you out of the caverns, because there was a troll and a cave crocodile down there and I hadn’t yet attached the drawbridge to a lever. Why did you not only go down there, but bring your baby with you? It’s your own fault the poor thing was bitten to death, and I will send you and your husband to go live up north with the self-appointed Lord if you let the downward stress spiral end in a tantrum.

At least the crocodile got itself stuck in a cage trap while chasing you. Now I can see about finding a male for the Kickass Crocodile Breeding Program.

Also stop using all the metal bolts. Those are for the military. Rangers get bone bolts.

Cheers,
-A facepalming Overseer

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom It May Concern:

Do not walk through Water Reactors.  The Tile the Pump draws from is only dry most of the Time.

Furthermore, We do not approve of cancelling your Task because of the Dangerous Terrain you chose to walk through.

You are all fortunate that We found your Antics amusing this once.

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist mcbrewer

Complaining you're too sober and fed up of water to brew alcohol is completely unacceptable. Its your own fault you're on break and unhappy when you decided to go socialising instead of brewing when I gave you that urgent order last month!

Your's drunkenly off his private stash
Overseer

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McPartTimeMiner,
You somehow keep injuring yourself mining. Every method I've tried has failed, and this is the third time you broke something.
Do it again, and I'm going to give you one of our nice steel picks and send you out to play with one of the FBs running around in the cavern.

[HMD Majesty]

To All Cooks:

We are aware that some of your Masterpieces have gone missing, most memorably a Mussel Roast.

We are certain that it, and all the other missing Masterpieces, were indeed wonderful Meals that should have been eaten.  However, every one of them was spewing Purple Clouds of Rot before their Disappearance.

Because of this, We refuse to look into the Matter any further.

[Urist McShire]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter

You had one job. In fact, you had the very first job ever designated in this fort. So please, explain to me how it was that you allowed those falling cherry logs to explode your right hand into a fountain of gore?

Your frustrated overlord (who now has to abandon everything to set up the hospital for your incompetent ass)

[Firebird766]

Dear Urist McHerbalists,

We have a civilian alert named “GET INSIDE.” What it means is “get inside”. As in, march your merry little drunken ass behind the hall o’ cage traps along with everyone else non-military. Would you kindly explain why the two of you continued to pick pears instead? Explain quickly, though, since as soon as you’re on your feet again I’ll be putting you in a drowning chamber quarantine room and locking the door. I saw the logs. That were-elk bit you. You’re a danger to the fortress now.

-Your very annoyed overseer.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

Not exactly a "frustrated with dwarf X" post, but perhaps designation or zone jobs (gathering plants can be both) override civilian alerts. Therefore, next time a dwarf happens to be outside, see if you can cancel the job they're currently doing in some way to get them to go inside per your civilian alert. If the job in question was caused by a designation or zone:
1. Remove/deactivate any garbage dump zones, plant gathering zones, pit/pond zones, pen zones, etc. that are generating the job. ("Pen/Pasture X₁ (X₂)" means you need to deactivate a pasture zone, if the job has a dwarf doing it. The j - Jobs - menu is helpful here. X₁ is name of animal, if it has one; X₂ is taming status, ranging from Semi-Wild to ☼Trained☼ if not domesticated by your civ; Tame is reserved for domesticated animals pretty much)
2. If the job is question isn't caused by a zone, hit x when selected on either the job (if in jobs menu) or the dwarf doing it (if in unit list menu); either way, the worker doing the job will be set to "Inactive", meaning none. If x is unavailable (meaning you can't remove a worker from the job; designation jobs often have this, as do "jobs" that fulfill basic needs, I.E. eating/drinking/sleeping) you can try to cancel it, but if that fails too (non-workshop-task jobs usually can't be cancelled), you may not be able to save your dwarf. Activities are a different thing entirely, and can't be cancelled by you or have workers removed from them. (Text in green or in magenta with "!"? You have yourself an activity. Some examples below.)

[juicebox]

Dear dwarves of Daggerwound,

When I figure out which one of you idiots left our only wheelbarrow in the (now flooded) tunnel between the brook and the cistern, I'm having them thrown in after it.

Sincerely,
Your Overseer

[uncool]

Dear Urist McChild,

I realize that your grown desert lime puzzlebox may seem amazing to you, but would you kindly vacate the obsidian farm by the end of the month? You've been playing for an Armok-damned season already! I'm behind on all my construction plans! I didn't have your parents dig out plumbing for a year to provide you a playpen - that's upstairs next to the semi-wild polar bear. I'm strongly considering releasing the magma on you even if your mother's the legendary armorer for the fortress!
Overseer

Dear Urist McChildren,
That's not a damn invitation to play in the second obsidian farm. Not kidding about releasing the magma.
Overseer

[Bumber]

@uncool
Consider using a Civilian Alert.

[Naturegirl1999]

@uncool
Consider using a Civilian Alert.

I hear about civilian alerts, but have no idea what they are or what they do or how to activate them

[Bumber]

@uncool
Consider using a Civilian Alert.

I hear about civilian alerts, but have no idea what they are or what they do or how to activate them

https://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2014:Civilian_alert