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[Naturegirl1999]

Thanks

[ulf]

Dear inhabitants of Helpfultombs*
Swimming across the moat is highly dangerous, and lethal in all cases. None of you guys have any skill swimming, and that is not exactly calm waters... Yes, I am aware that there are no other paths to get in and out. But, by alterting management, we could have opened the back door. It was installed for just this type of scenario.

Expedition leader Urist.

[itisnotlogical]

Dear Urist McRandomDwarf,

When I told you to drop everything except burial and furniture hauling, I was hoping you'd get the hint and pick up your dead fellow citizen, who is now little more than a pile of pudding and bones. Even the blood has disappeared, he's been laying out there so long. I wanted you to place a coffin in the poor corpse storage economy tomb; I did not need one more person collecting beds and cabinets from the carpenter's shops.

[gdog1102]

Dear Urist McAnyDwarf,

When you are thirsty and have a bucket next to you, get water and drink. Please don't sit around and die like our mayor did.

The local dwarven government.

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist mcfortress guard

Look, I get it: doling out punishment is part of your job. Its what you get your leather armour for in case somebody tries resisting arrest.

However I was extremely angry when I discovered that the 2 weeks of jail time allocated to urist MclegendarySwordsmanandsmith had been altered to a beating and then you beat him so hard his lungs collapsed and he died in agonising suffocation.

What in Armok's name possessed you to do this??

Urist's crimes consisted of toppling a single low quality chair and punching an elven bard that was visiting on the 26th of slate, hardly crimes warranting any sort of punishment. Let us examine this in detail

Urist was for all intents and purposes deserving of leniency. He had just left the military on compassionate leave as he had just had to suffer his wife murdered just before he could save her, and then raised by the invading necromancer which then attacked him and he had to put her body down.
He went to the tavern for a well deserved drink only for that elf to start the fight by insulting him and make vile comments about desercrating the corpse further. The elf threw the first punch for Armok's sake when Urist stood up for himself!
Urist was for all intents and purposes holding himself far back when all he did was break a couple of bones in the elf and smash his instrument (which was on the chair)

2 weeks of jail time in the cell with the diamond encrusted masterwork furniture would have done Urist a world of good, giving him time to grieve and shiny craftsdwarfship to admire. In fact, had you done as I initially thought you were in giving him mercy and downgrading his punishment, I would not be writing this letter.
Hell, beating an elf is not grounds for punishment if its retaliation. Just ask those hippies that we executed last week when they ambushed us. He should have had a week in the cells instead of 2 for furniture destruction after we took his circumstances into account.

Instead you beat him. You beat him until he stopped moving then beat him some more. Then had the gall to complain that there were no prison cells available.

How dare you.

There were 3 cells available all for justice (I checked) and on top of that you saw fit to sneak his body outside and throw it on the goblin corpse stockpile instead of burying him in the masterwork tomb heroes like Urist deserved. You even reported him missing during that time.

As I write this, I am realising this is sounding less like a punishment and more like a straight up murder under the cover of duty...


Urist. Please report to the Baroness' chambers at once. I hear she's mandating a wooden carving the damn traitor for that new hot water bath I had installed for her before she uses it for the first time and I need specifics. I'd send Urist Mcpeasant but I just assigned him a lever order and he's taking his sweet time.

Yours

The Overseer

[itisnotlogical]

Urist McFisherdwarves,

PLEASE STOP. There's a weresomething literally RIGHT THERE. STOP GODDAMN FISHING. None of you even have the fishing labor anymore, you should have stopped fishing hours ago and gone inside to haul cheese or something. Now you're dead, and those of you that aren't dead are going to either be expelled or have a nice, relaxing swim in a locked room near the well.

[UristMcUsername]

Dear UristMcCarpenter

When I tell you to craft some things you are supposed to craft the things! not sit around socializing for around three months before remembering you have responsibilities.

[Malmensa]

Dear Urist McStrangemood.

Great that you are feeling inspired to create something wonderful, but how about you make it something useful? An artifact large rat leather floor grate is pretty, but not much use.

[scourge728]

I mean it can't burn or be destroyed at all due to being artifact

[itisnotlogical]

Urist McMountainhome,

Really, I'm good on the whole "cheese makers" thing. The first guy you sent was great! No need to send 2-5 more cheese makers with every migrant wave. I could see where you're confused, given how I keep importing iron bars and metal goods due to a lack of skilled labor, but nope the problem is definitely our lack of cheese.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McMountainhome,
I, on the other hand, will take all the cheesemakers you can spare.
I can always use new cannon fodder recruits.

[juicebox]

Dear Urist McMetalcrafter

I was initially disappointed when I saw you were possessed, as opposed to one of the strange moods, but I figured at least you could make a decent artifact weapon or piece of armor. Instead, you make a low boot. A single low boot. What is anyone supposed to do with just one boot? Our last dwarf who mooded made a shield. Why couldn't you have followed his example? Please just do better.

Sincerely, your overseer

[Crabs]

Dear Marksdwarves and Slingers,

when I station you behind the fortifications behind the moat (i.e. a 15 tile deep abyss) and order you to kill the roaming zombies you are NOT supposed to open the door, jump/climb(?) over the 3 tile abyss and then die like a bitch in melee against the zombies. And don't say you didn't have any ammo. Your quiver was almost full.

[nezclaw]

(continuing the theme)
Dear Urist McMountainhome,

I asked specifically for lignite and bituminous coal. Would you care to explain why you only sent three pieces, and instead loaded the caravan with an excess of rope? And other such objects that are entirely unnecessary? I have plenty of ability to craft weapons and armor and clothing. You do not need to send more. I promise.

[Superdorf]

The mountainhome tends not to send all that much of a given thing. You'd be better off ordering some of every kind of wood, and converting the lot into charcoal.