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[Trabber Shir]

Okay, so the attacker and hand changed.
The pages I pulled up didn't even have any kicking.

Try to get cheap wood or bone crossbows to your dwarves early. Similar results in the combat logs but they come out of it as skilled or better hammerdwarves. Draltha also survive while unconscious very well and work for this sort of training I recently learned.

[Sver]

Okay, so the attacker and hand changed.
The pages I pulled up didn't even have any kicking.

Another way to deal with this is to disable your miners, wait for them to drop their picks, enlist them and assign their picks as weapons. Then send them to slay the troll.

[Deus Machina]

Another way to deal with this is to disable your miners, wait for them to drop their picks, enlist them and assign their picks as weapons. Then send them to slay the troll.

I eventually did, but I think I didn't wait long enough. And they wouldn't leave it alone after they caught sight of it.
Weapons are priority. And wouldn't be an issue if the traders hadn't seen a buzzard and freaked out, which is another thing altogether.

[recon1o6]

Dear Urist McTantrum

Well done, now we have a civil war with the mountain homes because you attacked the liason and slew most of the merchants in rage.
Next time if you have to throw a tantrum against visitors, do it against the spies I had locked in the aqueduct overflow chamber while Urist McSheriff files the paperwork or the elven caravan

Now our plans for the greatest mueseum of all things dwarven will have to put on hold

from
The Overseer of The Vault of Creation

[Garrie]

Urists one and all,
when collecting items from the stockpile to add to the minecart,

Please add it to the minecart. Don't dump it in a pile just next to the minecart.

[Do I need to create a stop 1 square away for the loading to take place on?]

[Eric Blank]

Dear Militia

Why are all of you only wearing one boot each? What the hell do you think I mean when I order you to wear boots? How did boots become boot in your equipment lists? I realize in dwarven the plural of cog is still cog but should context not clue you in? Do I have to order you all to wear two pairs of boots in order to get you to wear one pair of boots? You can figure out how to wear two socks but have no idea how to put on two boots. Wonderful.

And you, Asmel, why the fuck are you only wearing one sock and one boot, and wearing them both on the same foot? And you're going to get all ashamed of not having proper footwear?

God damn you're all so fucking stupid.

Sincerely, Overseer of Lizardcaves


[edit]
Apparently the answer was "yes." I literally had to assign a second pair of boots and socks to the uniforms and update their uniform assignments in order to get them to wear both boots. On a related note, they all successfully figured out how to wear both gauntlets and both gloves. They just don't like wearing boots for some reason.

[Quantum Drop]

Dear Urist McMeltedAndChopped,

Why, in the name of Armok's hairy tits, did you think it was a good idea to charge a fucking Slayer?

Funny as it was to watch a six-armed, six-tentacled iron-fleshed killing machine brutally kill you and your entire squad, it was decidedly less funny when that basalt-spewing beast and its mates got into the fort itself due to your incomptence.

We're still cleaning up the scorched meat and boiled blood, at least half a dozen Dwarves are tantruming, and pretty much the entire military is gone. Several tunnels are full of the molten basalt it was breathing, the main walls are broken down, and I'm now missing a non-negotiable part of my anatomy. Topping it all off, your morons managed to turn it into a statue of fucking carp, of all things.

Be glad you died in the initial attack, for I would've personally drowned you in the Mountain's Blood! As it stands, I have bigger issues to deal wi--

[Overseer of Earthscorched cancels Write: Interrupted by Slayer].
[Overseer of Earthscorched has been struck down].

Spoiler: Context (click to show/hide)

 The Slayer is a modded creature - basically, imagine a six-armed, six-tentacled human, made entirely out of super-temperature-resistant iron and able to spit liquid basalt. Damn thing tore through most of the military and landed a gelding strike on the Overseer, before getting brought down by a few lucky hits. A second one promptly snuck in, and finished the job.

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom It May Concern,

All gathered Plants belong in the Kitchen Stockpile, not the Farmer's Workshop.

Thank you,

HMD Majesty


Sigun Adobok, of Not Here, We have noticed that you are in possession of some decorated Bags.  Said Bags have been encircled with Bands of Horn, Adorned with Spikes, and even encrusted with Gems.  We have but one Question.

Why did you think People would buy such expensive Bags?


In Future, please announce the Absence of Food by cancelling Eating, not Give Food.  We were under the Misconception that you were trying to give Food to the Stray Dog, as there are no other Prisoners or Patients.

On a related Note, the Mason was sleeping, not injured.  Sleeping People do not need Food brought to them.


Stop leaving Food on the Floor to rot.  There is a Food Shortage within this Fortress, and We are not amused.


Lorbam Boardchamber, thou are a Fool.  When the Werezebra arrived, We particularly ordered thy Squad inside the Entrance to Our Fortress.  It was the Deified Halls that We sent to combat the Beast, since they were armored, and the other Squads were not.

But did thou obey Our Orders?  No, thou did not.

Instead of obeying Our very clear Orders, thou chose to charge the Beast Head-on.  We cannot imagine why thou chose to do this foolish Thing.  Was it Rage at the Werebeast daring to attack?  Was thou overcome by loyal Ferver?  Did thou perhaps seek the Glory of slaying the Beast?

We suppose that does not matter much.  Because thou did disobey Our Orders, thou hast been bitten deeply twice.  Our Magic has proven to Us that thou hast become a Werezebra thyself.  We will make no Attempt to recover thee.  If thou survives until the next Moon, We will send thee to Renowneddevils where thou may seek Redemption.

[Iapetus]

Dear Urist McVampire.  Stop getting so upset about remembering seeing Urist McDrainedofblood die.  This is Dwarf Fortress, not some crappy YA fantasy novel.  We don't need emo vampires here.

[Naturegirl1999]

Dear Urist McVampire.  Stop getting so upset about remembering seeing Urist McDrainedofblood die.  This is Dwarf Fortress, not some crappy YA fantasy novel.  We don't need emo vampires here.

what? Did the vampire forget that they drained him?

[DrCyano]

Dear (ghost of) Urist McConstructionworker,

During the construction of The Great Wall, you placed some stone blocks in the wrong order and wound up stuck upon the wall until you were on the verge of death to starvation and thirst, requiring your comrades to undo a great amount of good work to build a staircase for you to escape.

Imagine my surprise when, a year later, you and two of your friends spotted some undead animals through the fortifications of The Great Wall and the three of you effortlessly climbed over the wall faster than I could react to the situation (leaving a tell-tale pile of vomit on top of the wall to prove your athletic achievement) so you could run head-long into certain death at the hooves and claws of the walking dead!

Why, Urist, is it that you won't climb a wall to save your life, but possess spider-like climbing ability when your destination is guaranteed doom?

Sincerely,
- Overseer McStoneblock-Wall

[gnurro]

Dear Citizens;

I am glad and most delighted to see that after six long years, some of you finally made some aquaintances with each other. I will remember that grand parties and guild halls are serious business and not for forming bonds - but the communal embarassement of everyone changing their pants at roughly the same time leads to great fraternisation. Now the beginning of summer marks the date of the great communal pants-shedding festival that will bind our community together!

Sincerely,
your Entertainment Provider

(It's probably the 3x3 clothing stockpile room, I know, but everyone who made a friend did so with their lower body uncovered. My all-citizen militia now flips to un-uniformed at summer start and back in the autumn so everyone can get naked together.)

[Eschar]

Dear Urist McRecruit,
When I asked you to kill that giant lizard, I did not mean for you to suddenly stop as it ran away from you, allowing it to recover from its exhaustion. Three times.
Sincerely,
The Overseer

[ProbablyRed]

Dear Wien, Ael and Meade, Plump helmet folk of The Immoral Furnace:

While i know that you three were essentially kidnapped from the caverns and forcefully turned into citizens of my fort through DFhack, i'd really appreciate it if you would please do some work for my fort instead of just standing around and freeloading off of my resources, maybe you can shear the copperwyrms while my dwarves are busy hauling all the stone from the mining operation.

Sincerely, Red, your dearest overseer.

[Eric Blank]

Dear Roc

Please stop fleeing in terror, take the livestock-for-bait, and quit chasing wild ravens around the map. We are trying to host an epic battle here, and your lack of participation is quite disheartening. If all you're going to offer is an emotional threat, please kindly piss off.

Regards, the Overseer