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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1076459 times)

Nova Solarius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7395 on: June 24, 2020, 06:04:07 pm »

Dear dwarves (meaning you, Inod "Bridgewalker" Vabōkurol),

No walking on the drawbridge as it retracts, please. Particularly not after you've pulled the lever yourself. Any further violations will be punished via exposure to the Atom Smasher.

Thank you,

Nova "too tired for this shit" Solarius
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nezclaw

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7396 on: June 25, 2020, 02:30:29 pm »

Dear urist mcmigrants goose.
While I understand that the giantess started it, in the future could you please let the military get a few hits in before you crack its skull open and send it into a coma. The military do like to think of themselves as useful and you've made them feel quite pathetic now. Like honestly, how did you even do that.

Your slightly confused/amused deity

honk
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Dawnthunder: It menaces with spikes of tetanus
After the fire had burned down all of the wooden next boxes on the surface, Mottled Petrel was reluctant to replace them with more wooden nest boxes. Instead, he placed the remaining store of wooden nest boxes in the dormitory for any aspiring koopa mothers.

The nest boxes were immediately overrun by helmet snakes.

gcus

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7397 on: July 03, 2020, 09:25:52 am »

Dear Urist McStrangeMood:

No, we do not have shells.
No, we cannot get them right now.
Please don't get your crazy all over my fortress.

Nervously yours,

God.
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Đis and đis are đe letter eđ. It makes đe hard th sound.Ž and ž are đe letter žorn. It makes đe soft th sound, like žink and mož.

muldrake

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7398 on: July 05, 2020, 05:38:46 am »

Dear Urist McStrangeMood:

No, we do not have shells.
No, we cannot get them right now.
Please don't get your crazy all over my fortress.

Nervously yours,

God.

I detest shells so much.  Any time I see a dwarf with a preference for shells I just want to kick them the hell out for that alone.  We do not have shells, we will never have shells, kill yourself.
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Acipenser

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7399 on: July 07, 2020, 01:33:21 pm »

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7400 on: July 07, 2020, 01:36:36 pm »

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss
so you’re mad at the dwarf for hauling the material that you gave him the only job to haul?
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Acipenser

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7401 on: July 07, 2020, 02:32:14 pm »

Dear Urist McHauler

WHY ARE YOU STILL HAULING SPHALERITE?!
2.2 tons of sphalerite have been sitting in the snow for nine months.
You have no other jobs enabled.
What the f*ck are you doing?

With much pain and anguish,

Your Boss
so you’re mad at the dwarf for hauling the material that you gave him the only job to haul?
I am not mad that they are hauling sphalerite. . . but I am having a conniption that they are only moving one piece of ore every two months. It's like they're trolling me.
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Uthimienure

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7402 on: July 07, 2020, 02:54:48 pm »

Maybe this is a reasonable and natural behavior. Dwarfs don't like snow and they need variety in life.
Maybe Urist McHauler has unmet needs?  What does he/she do when not hauling? 
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Acipenser

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7403 on: July 07, 2020, 02:59:45 pm »

Maybe this is a reasonable and natural behavior. Dwarfs don't like snow and they need variety in life.
Maybe Urist McHauler has unmet needs?  What does he/she do when not hauling?
The only reasonable thing a dwarf can do: drink heavily and hide from the walruses.
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muldrake

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7404 on: July 08, 2020, 03:41:09 am »

I am not mad that they are hauling sphalerite. . . but I am having a conniption that they are only moving one piece of ore every two months. It's like they're trolling me.

Unless you have some reason you're specifically stockpiling the ore itself, just smelt it.  It will be automatically hauled.  It's a little annoying it won't use wheelbarrows but if they're not hauling it to stockpiles anyway it won't be any slower.  Your furnace operators may begin to hate you.
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recon1o6

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7405 on: July 08, 2020, 05:23:39 am »

Dear Urist McWrestlinginstructor

While I appreciate joint locks are an important part of disabling the enemy, executing one during training on Urist McTrainee's upper spine is a step too far.
Do not anger me again, Urist McTrainee had a lot of potential, and was in fact tipped to be physically one of the best soldiers we at the vault of creation have had for a while. Until you killed him

From the Overseer


Dear Urist McTrainee

My apologies I thought you were dead when in fact Urist merely destroyed your back and neck. If the chief medical dwarf has cleared you fit for service after a week of bone repair then I suppose there's nothing to be done but put you back onto training, this time with Urist McNewWrestlinginstructor while Urist McWrestlinginstructor takes an indefinate leave of absence down in the caverns

From the Overseer
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Urist McRecon cancels make exploding booze: Interrupted by bad idea
Urist McRecon cancels bad idea: missing raw files
Urist McRecon cancels add raw files: Interrupted by fortress mode
Urist McRecon cancels play fortress mode: Needs exploding booze
Urist McRecon cancels acquire exploding booze: No materials

Leonidas

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7406 on: July 08, 2020, 09:11:28 am »

Dear Urist McWrestlinginstructor

While I appreciate joint locks are an important part of disabling the enemy, executing one during training on Urist McTrainee's upper spine is a step too far.
Do not anger me again, Urist McTrainee had a lot of potential, and was in fact tipped to be physically one of the best soldiers we at the vault of creation have had for a while. Until you killed him

From the Overseer


Dear Urist McTrainee

My apologies I thought you were dead when in fact Urist merely destroyed your back and neck. If the chief medical dwarf has cleared you fit for service after a week of bone repair then I suppose there's nothing to be done but put you back onto training, this time with Urist McNewWrestlinginstructor while Urist McWrestlinginstructor takes an indefinate leave of absence down in the caverns

From the Overseer
Did that happen in 47.04? I thought that dangerous training was only in past.
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recon1o6

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7407 on: July 09, 2020, 03:19:42 am »

It did indeed. /i have also seen in 47.02 a masterwork bismuth bronze helmet (no iron ><) get lightly tapped enough during training to break and make the armourer break down in tears.
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Urist McRecon cancels make exploding booze: Interrupted by bad idea
Urist McRecon cancels bad idea: missing raw files
Urist McRecon cancels add raw files: Interrupted by fortress mode
Urist McRecon cancels play fortress mode: Needs exploding booze
Urist McRecon cancels acquire exploding booze: No materials

Moeteru

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7408 on: July 12, 2020, 04:11:35 pm »

Dear tavern keepers,
I know it's fun to keep serving drinks to your friends until they collapse unconscious in a pool of vomit and stop breathing, but please remember that some of your friends still need the use of their lungs in order to remain alive. I'd rather not have to conduct any Dwarven CPR experiments today, thank you.
Your benevolent Overseer.

Dear uneducated mortals,
Go to the Armok-damned library and learn the secrets of life and death already. You get cool magic powers, you stop ageing, and, most importantly, you can drink as much booze as you want without any risk of death. The book is right there, it's only 24 pages long, and I can assure you it's much more interesting than whatever "Humans: Fact or Fiction?" is about.
Your benevolent Overseer.

EDIT: It was inevitable. A 13 year old drank himself to death. The good news is that Dwarven CPR was successful and he soon got resurrected as a faded corpse. He immediately applied for citizenship and is once again a productive member of the fortress. His father and some of his siblings got a couple of bad thoughts from his death, but his mother seems fine about the whole situation. Given how successful that experiment was, I think I should build a proper CPR chamber at the back of the hospital.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2020, 10:46:51 am by Moeteru »
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Quantum Drop

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7409 on: July 20, 2020, 03:26:25 am »

Dear UristMcLever,

Congratulations. We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by Necromancer Towers on three sides, and under attack by the living dead, and you decide to go batshit over us not getting you crystal glass. You beat my main Craftsman to pulp, single-handedly killed a fortress by pulling the main bridge lever during a Necromancer Siege, and got me stuck in some mouldering old tower as a animated corpse enslaved to some doddering old fool that smells of death and mildew.

Armok help you if we meet again.

- Ex-Overseer Avuz Dorenadil
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Smithsoldier, Succession Game - Year 11

This is a masterwork image of signature demons and a character limit. The signature demons are doing unspeakable things to the character limit. The signature demons are laughing. The character limit is in a fetal position. The character limit is screaming. This relates to the creation of the Grand Signature of Idiocy by QuantumDrop in the early winter of 2020.
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