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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1133055 times)

recon1o6

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7425 on: October 08, 2020, 07:10:01 am »

Dear Urist Mcjailer

Why did you lock away Urist McTantrum in a cage when there are some perfectly adequate cells for justice for him to grieve over the death of his daughter?
The cages aren't even for justice! They are for the zoo!

From
The overseer
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Urist McRecon cancels make exploding booze: Interrupted by bad idea
Urist McRecon cancels bad idea: missing raw files
Urist McRecon cancels add raw files: Interrupted by fortress mode
Urist McRecon cancels play fortress mode: Needs exploding booze
Urist McRecon cancels acquire exploding booze: No materials

muldrake

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7426 on: October 13, 2020, 11:53:09 am »

Urist McSilkGuy #563 or so.

You are a clothier.  Or you were anyway.  I'm not sure why you guys think it's a good idea to go into the caverns alone to try to personally steal stuff from giant cave spiders but seriously, quit doing this.  They don't like it and you won't like the results when you do it.
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wierd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7427 on: October 20, 2020, 11:31:54 pm »

Dearest Overseer,

While it may seem that products appear from nowhere out of thin ether, I can assure you that in order to make clothing, we require raw materials. The personnel that collect those raw materials are spinners and weavers, which I am sure (or at least hopeful in the prospect of such knowledge) you know falls under the umbrella of the clothing industry.

While I am amused by the idea, we cannot fashion clothing from beard hair.  Clothing does not magically appear from thin air simply because you file a requisition with the management office.

Due to the nature of dwarven bureaucracy, there is not a direct means of filing a petition to have armed detachments accompany our workers into the caverns to collect webs, despite the dangers involved in that job.  (and, I am fairly certain that if there was, you would simply complain that we filed such requisitions.)

If you would prefer to have us use only animal hair, or plant based fibers for clothing, please set up appropriate workshop designations with appropriate source stockpiles, and enable appropriate labors and job operations on either pen/pastures or farming operations, so that we have raw materials to utilize.  By default, we will use whatever is available, and will seek out all available raw materials to maximize product availability.

While I am sure you will remind me about how difficult and onerous it is to manage a fortress economy, I would remind you that it takes only a few moments to link the raw materials stockpiles with our workshops, to give us instructions of this kind.


Busy as always--
    Clothier #563
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asialsky

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7428 on: October 21, 2020, 07:51:37 am »

Dear Urist McFarmer(s),

I am writing this to inform you that while I will be approving your request to form a union, your guild hall is a very low priority. As you may have noticed, we only just got the pump stack working, and have been steadily working out why the expedition leader's ribs went missing during a performance. We will assign the space for excavation, but make no promises.

Yours bemused,
Overseer
« Last Edit: October 21, 2020, 11:01:45 am by asialsky »
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betaking

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7429 on: October 21, 2020, 09:43:29 am »

QUIT DROWNING, THERE WAS A RAMP RIGHT BEHIND YOU... I should not need to babysit every woodcutter or pump operator
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HMD Majesty

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7430 on: October 24, 2020, 11:53:16 pm »

To 'Ranger' Melbilud,

The Answers to your Questions are, in order,

Because you do not have the relevant Labors enabled.

Because you spend too much Time hunting.

Because you have never had the relevant Labors enabled.

Because We said so.

By Our Hand,

Her Most Dread Majesty.
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orius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7431 on: November 25, 2020, 04:26:23 pm »

Dear Urist McMigrants

Pay attention to which side of the river the fortress is on when immigrating.  It does no one any good for you to embark on the far side of the river  before a bridge has been built, especially when the far side of the river has Untamed Wilds and Terrifying surroundings. 

Your Overseer.
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Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7432 on: December 08, 2020, 09:19:34 pm »

Dear mayor,

First of all, blue jays do not have teeth. They are birds, they have beaks. You have seen a bluejay before, right? Secondly, we cannot build a door out of bones. That's not possible. This demand will never be met, because it is impossible to accomplish.

Your overseer.
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7433 on: December 19, 2020, 10:53:09 am »

Your mayor needs to be introduced to birds and also why does he want bone doors?
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Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7434 on: December 19, 2020, 08:06:18 pm »

Well, the bone door is actually a tooth door. He wanted a bluejay tooth door, which would fall under the purview of the bone carvers. Who can't make doors.

He's dead, though. The demons took him, along with everyone else.
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I make Spellcrafts!
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Jack_Smythe

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7435 on: December 20, 2020, 06:53:10 pm »

Dear Urist McHaulerson,
                                    All I asked was for you to bury Urist Gemcutter's body. We had a coffin and everything. Instead, three years later, his rotting corpse is still sitting there. No-one wants to use the workshop because of it. You keep complaining about having to see his body each time you go to the crafts stockpile. His ghost is actively haunting us. I know you hauled something, because only half his skeleton is there. What did you do with it? Actually, don't tell me. Just bury the bloody thing.

                                   Love and Kisses,
                                                            Your Overseer
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Thisfox

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7436 on: December 21, 2020, 01:37:48 am »

Dear Overseer Jack Smythe -- 
I'll move his corpse when you take out his scary ghost with a stone slab, and not a moment earlier. What's a dorf got to do to get memorialised around here?
  --  Urist McHaulerson.



P.S.:
Also, unforbid anything he has in his jewellers workshop, and then deconstruct and unforbid the workshop itself. No one wants to work in there anyway, you can construct a new one in a few days or a few steps away, when everything has been cleaned out. Should encourage the dorfs to move stuff. Give it a try. --fox.
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Staalo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7437 on: January 03, 2021, 09:32:36 pm »

To: Dwarven Bureau of Colonial Affairs
Re: Migrant group of Spring 281

We hereby confirm the arrival of the latest group of eighteen migrant workers to our fledgling outpost of Divemountain and... seriously guys, what the flux? Whose idea of a practical joke was this? Was it you, Doren? I know I left without paying those gambling debts but this is a really schisty way of getting back at me.

Did you have to round up every single Animal Caretaker in the whole kingdom to get this many of them in one wave? Nearly half of our population are now Animal Caretakers; those fluxers just walked in and immediately started TWO new trade guilds even before they were through the door. We don't have resources to build any guild halls at the moment. What are they even going to take care of, exactly? Our three surviving turkeys and Ast's pet sow maybe? They're going to have to take turns, between all fifteen of them.

Seriously, Doren, I'll pay those debts. Just take back at least some of these useless schist Animal Caretakers.

Sincerely,
Cilob Joinroughness
Expedition leader
The Respectful Sabres
Divemountain
« Last Edit: January 04, 2021, 03:16:26 am by Staalo »
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LilyInTheWater

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7438 on: January 09, 2021, 03:07:36 am »

Dear dwarves,

No, dwarves, your beloved friends have not gone missing. They are in the hospital after an unfortunate run-in with a giant olm. No one is dead, merely injured.

The reason you have not seen them is because I give patients their own rooms for privacy and to keep the miasma in if anyone dies. You know what privacy is, correct? I sure hope you do.

You can visit your friends at any time.

Now stop scaring me for no reason and go back to work.

-Overseer Lily
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JAL28

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7439 on: January 14, 2021, 04:39:36 am »

Dear Mountainhome,

WHERE ARE OUR MIGRANTS? It has been several years and I have not seen a new face around this fortress since the birth of that baby months ago. And donít give me schist about population, we are running on 20 dwarves against vicious cave creatures and a (formerly) vicious forgotten beast, who only died because it spent too much time slaughtering the cavern fauna. Please, PLEASE send something! I fixed the civil war with dark magic already and my fortress is perfectly accessible! Even dissectors and caretakers are appreciated, I need fodder to actually get a military made here!

PS. Bring the caravan too. I would like to see caravans which arenít elves.

Signed,

An exasperated Overseer

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