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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1473182 times)

Uthimienure

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7440 on: January 17, 2021, 12:04:41 pm »

Dear Urist McItemHauler,

Please store the bar of soap lying in the east castle wall's doorway in the nearby soap stockpile. It has been there for months after all the other bars of soap dropped by frightened Urists during the last siege have been carefully placed in the stockpile.  Are you ignoring the soap because it was made from a black bear's tallow?  Or because you like the view of the outdoors from that entrance?

Due to your negligence, your fellow McUrists are in danger.  Your task has been handed over to the more responsible Urist McRefuseHauler and the bar of soap will be likely thrown away soon.

Love,
Your faithful guiding hand.
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"I've never really had issues with the old DF interface (I mean, I loved even 'umkh'!)" ... brewer bob
As we say in France: "ah, l'amour toujours l'amour"... François D.

recon1o6

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7441 on: January 18, 2021, 05:18:01 am »

Dear Urist McBoozehaulier

Your order was to move the mead to the designated stockpile for flammability testing, not drink the entire barrel dry then haul the empty keg there!

You've just set my explosive alcohol research back by a year thanks to your idiocy. As punishment you are being demoted from haulier to military scout. Please dump your clothing and belongings in the relevant stockpiles and report to the barracks for further orders.

The Overseer
Logged
Urist McRecon cancels make exploding booze: Interrupted by bad idea
Urist McRecon cancels bad idea: missing raw files
Urist McRecon cancels add raw files: Interrupted by fortress mode
Urist McRecon cancels play fortress mode: Needs exploding booze
Urist McRecon cancels acquire exploding booze: No materials

towerator

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7442 on: January 18, 2021, 08:11:20 am »

Dear UristMcFortressguard

When I tell you "Punish this guy who tantrumed", I mean "Put him in jail", not "Bash his head until it caves in". It's the third one you kill, and this one was a decent furnace operator...

Sincerely, UristMcOverseer.
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orius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7443 on: January 21, 2021, 02:25:06 pm »

Dear Urist McFailsBiology:

Why on earth did you drag the boar you were pasturing in the pigpens over a nest box in the turkey coops first?  He's not a female, and he's not a bird.  Nor was there anything or anyone blocking your path. 

Your overseer.
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Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
That is an insane and dangerous plan.  I approve wholeheartedly. 


Fortressdeath

Staalo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7444 on: January 22, 2021, 01:18:17 am »

Dear militia members of Divemountain,

please stop randomly murdering tavern visitors and traders. I mean, what the hell? Every time another squad is doing something on the map you guys at home will pick out an innocent poet or whatever and slaughter them in the middle of the tavern.

Why do you keep doing that? They have done nothing wrong. Even the poetry isn't that bad.

regards,
The Management
« Last Edit: January 22, 2021, 05:50:25 am by Staalo »
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Uhhh... welcome?

orius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7445 on: January 28, 2021, 02:02:06 pm »

Dear Urist McChickenliver:

Stop freaking out about that vulture circling 40 z levels overhead and annoying me with your job cancellation spams.  It's not interested in you, you're not dead -- YET.  Think positive -- maybe it spotted an elf corpse.

Your overseer.
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Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
That is an insane and dangerous plan.  I approve wholeheartedly. 


Fortressdeath

Stadfradt

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7446 on: January 29, 2021, 03:31:43 pm »

"WAH! WAH! WAH! You've got a temple to every god in the pantheon and all the time in the world! Quit whining and go to your damned church!"
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HMD Majesty

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7447 on: February 02, 2021, 09:12:18 pm »

By Order of Her Most Dread Majesty,

When this Fortress is under Attack, you are to stay in the Pit.  The Enemy will descend to you.

Further Deviation can and will be punished via Entombment.

A_Curious_Cat

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7448 on: February 02, 2021, 11:49:42 pm »

By Order of Her Most Dread Majesty,

When this Fortress is under Attack, you are to stay in the Pit.  The Enemy will descend to you.

Further Deviation can and will be punished via Entombment.

To:  her moldy undead tragedy.
Re:  Military strategy.

What?  You provided us w’a path!  Surely, if ye ha’ant intended us to engage th’enemy, ye would ha’ ensured that we cou’nt get t’em!  A wars a war, lass,  those go’lins aren’t gonna kill themselves.

Signed:  Urist McCrossbow Dwarf.
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orius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7449 on: February 03, 2021, 02:43:26 pm »

Dear Urist McAirGuitarist:

Why in the name of Armok are you simulating instruments that are already stored in the tavern in your drunken revelry?

Your Overseer.
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Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
That is an insane and dangerous plan.  I approve wholeheartedly. 


Fortressdeath

anewaname

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7450 on: February 04, 2021, 04:27:51 am »

Urist,

We rang the bells to call you inside the tower. It is true the doorway you chose to snore in is within your burrow and that by getting to the doorway, you are on the safer side of the drawbridge. But, if that gate does not raise in time, you will be a plaything for that ettin.

Your luck is now your own, we are locking the next set of doors and getting the blocks to build a wall.

The overseer
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gunpowdertea

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7451 on: February 10, 2021, 03:20:20 am »

Dear Urist McAirGuitarist:

Why in the name of Armok are you simulating instruments that are already stored in the tavern in your drunken revelry?

Your Overseer.

Deer Overseer!
Cause it's fun - an bein' a bit pishhd we cannae play the Athel noo (nae t'we can when sober).
Ye have ne'er played air guitar?
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I don't care. I have discovered that if you spawn elves this way, cats will chase them down and eat them.

javascripter

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7452 on: February 19, 2021, 07:08:38 am »

Dear UristMcWholeFort

Why is hauling rocks from the other side of the map more important to you than emptying milk buckets into barrels/pots so that you can use the buckets to get water. You will all die of dehydration carrying rocks. (note: I've modded it so my fort is carnivorious and can produce alcohol only from milk; but brewers refuse to use milk in a bucket, it must be emptied into a barrel/pot first, and the helpful milker just stores buckets full of milk in the stockpile and then cancels milking jobs because no free bucket)

the overseer
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orius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7453 on: February 19, 2021, 01:18:37 pm »

Turn off the stone hauling on some of the dorfs so they'll do other needed menial tasks.  Or put some wheelbarrows in the stone stockpiles to limit the number of stone hauling tasks taken.
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Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
That is an insane and dangerous plan.  I approve wholeheartedly. 


Fortressdeath

Thisfox

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #7454 on: February 19, 2021, 04:19:49 pm »

Dear Overseer Javascripter:

Why not just make more buckets? And no one knows where the barrels and pots are, so we're leaving the milk in the buckets for now. How about you make some more barrels too?

If you didn't want us to haul rocks, you could have told someone they aren't a stone hauler.

We're doing the best we can, but we heard in other forts have booze made from honey. Any chance we can get in on that action?

--The Urists.
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Mules gotta spleen. Dwarfs gotta eat.
Thisfox likes aquifers, olivine, Forgotten Beasts for their imagination, & dorfs for their stupidity. She prefers to consume gin & tonic. She absolutely detests Facebook.
"Urist McMason died out of pure spite to make you wonder why he was suddenly dead"
Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes!
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