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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 444380 times)

UltraValican

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1815 on: June 25, 2011, 09:22:04 am »

Dear Miners,

You had two sets of up/down stair wells and ramps in an OPEN SPACE, i cant posibly see how it would be imposible for you to access the food above and the most ironic part about all of this is that you were digging out the food storage room..........

Hav fun starving to death as i rush to see how fast i can breach HFS with 7 5 dwarves
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jamesadelong

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1816 on: June 25, 2011, 11:47:22 am »

To: Militia Commander
From: Myself and pretty much all the dwarfs here at mission command

Just a few points I wish to make very clear.
  • I wish to commend your recent efforts defending the fledgling fortress against the three civilization siege, very impressive. Furthermore, the fact that one of those sieges was composed of ettin, cyclope and all sorts of other fun make it all the more impressive, especially as your the only one in the squad with any consderable arms or armarment.
  • Atop of this, the fact that you managed to seal the emergency civilian hollow in time and defend the sole miner coming out of the caverns is remarkably impressive, very little outside the basillica has been damaged and any damage is merely superficial. Indeed there has been talk of maintaining this light damage as a record of the sacrifice of the two dwarves that laid their lives defending it.
  • Finally, the sheer fact that you defended the miner from the siege and personally defended him from three troglodytes as he in turn was possessed by an underling of Armok himself proves your talent as a militia captain and as a soldier. The miner passes on his thanks for moving with him, ferrying him between the caverns and the foundry, working on the artifact his god had demanded he produce whilst still providing orders and fighting in the ensuing battle for the basillica.

As a reward for your valiant stand and the defence of one of your own, I am providing you with your own quarters and office and the artifact, a millwheel displaying the history of our fortress to date. Consider it the spoils of war.
Best Regards.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2011, 11:49:59 am by jamesadelong »
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1817 on: June 25, 2011, 07:21:01 pm »

Dear Urist McMiner,
Do not sleep in the aquifer.
Sincerely,
Savescumming.
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A-Dos

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1818 on: June 25, 2011, 09:55:13 pm »

To: Adol Coppercrow, Hunters Guild
From: Your Overseer, The Manager and the Hospital

We commend you on your bravery with taking up one of the limited positions as a Hunter, and also for your recent draft into the Marksdwarf Squad.

However, we must point out a few flaws that may cost you your job and even your life if you attempt to repeat this.

Point A) Please never attempt to hunt the wild Giant Badgers. We're all proud that you managed to kill one, but please don't draw the rest of them towards the fortress like you did last time, we've lost 3 Dwarves to your stupidity.

Point B) For the love of god- The manager and the other marksdwarves have threatened to throw you into the pits for this. Please refrain from using the Experimental Masterwork Adamantium Bolts. We created them for the Legendary Marksdwarves who know how to use them, not Adequate crossbow users such as yourself. Stick to the bone bolts, please.

Point C) If you feel the nerve to try and melee a Giant Badger again, please. Don't. You're wearing two splints (One of which is an artifact worth ☼20,000) and you're lucky you didn't loose your ability to use your legs.

Regards, A concerned Overseer

PS: Have you considered joining the Farming Guild? I hear they have *Cough* not enough members, and have *Hack* plenty of fun jobs available.
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Flaming Toadstool

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1819 on: June 25, 2011, 09:58:41 pm »

Dear Urist McMason

Get back to work, please? We all know you like eating, drinking, sleeping, and being on break, but really, enough is enough now. Get to making those tables and thrones so we can have an actual dining room instead of eating in the stockpile.

Yours truly,
The Administration.
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Dcutean

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1820 on: June 26, 2011, 01:29:30 am »

Dear UristMcKittenlover

I am very sorry every bone in your entire body from the neck down is broken. If you hadn't rushed to save the cat we used for bait, I wouldn't have had to pull the lever to drop you 4 stories into the refuse pile.

With love,
Your all seeing overlord
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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1821 on: June 26, 2011, 09:14:51 am »

Dear Urist McWhyamiacorpse,

Literacy is a requirement for membership in the militia.  Please note the sign in the room saying "No Sleeping in the Danger Room" and "Keep All Safety Equipment On in the Danger Room".  And the big label on the door that says "DANGER ROOM".

The insurance claim made by your widow has been denied.  She will be cared for since she is an asset to the community.  However, we do not pay off claims for fools removing their helmets, sleeping in the DR, and then getting a spear through their noggin. 

Though in your case the mayor thinks it is an improvement to your thinking processes - and that you have become the ideal voter.

- The Duke
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Greiger

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1822 on: June 26, 2011, 09:15:25 am »

To Civilians of EverCastle
RE: The queen's future throne room.

The gem studded platinum throne in the room that that takes up the top 2 floors of the keep, is not a dining room.  It is the Queen/Drunk's future Throne room.  Stop soiling the throne with bits of bacon and giraffe meat. 

And if you insist on doing that anyway stop complaining about the lack of a dining table when you do.  The dining room is on the bottom floor, enter the keep and hang a right, and you are in the dining room that has more than enough tables and chairs for everyone.

The Administration

P.S. Oh my Armok put some damn pants on before sitting in it at least!  You are going to leave a stain!
« Last Edit: June 26, 2011, 09:33:51 am by Greiger »
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Khris

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1823 on: June 26, 2011, 01:22:54 pm »

Dear Mister Mayor,
you have absoloutely no reason to be pissed just because we didn't make your stupid rose gold items.
Maybe you keep your noble head too high above reality already to be aware that WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANY GOLD AT ALL HERE!!
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Tcei

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1824 on: June 26, 2011, 01:53:39 pm »

Dear Skeletal Camels, both Named and Unnamed.

We at the prison fort of Abbypains would like to thankyou for your zeal in seeing to it that no prisoner can escape alive! However as we are a fort it would be greatly appreciated if you let us dig in first and then started killing runners. As it is, we regret to inform you that after 6 reclaims and the death of 49 brave dwarves (most of them armored) we are discontinuing the use of that site as our future prison.

 Best of luck with all the ghost!

Sincerely,
The Mountain Homes.
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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1825 on: June 26, 2011, 10:21:55 pm »

Dear Urist,

Why did you feel the need to go on break for almost an entire season when you were the only thing that could keep the fortress from dying of thirst?

Thanks,
Your Overseer
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Flaming Toadstool

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1826 on: June 26, 2011, 10:49:20 pm »

Dear Urist McHauler

When I say bring those beds to the hospital, I damn well mean it. Now our first victim to stupidity is lying in his own bed instead of the hospital beds, and it will probably get messy. Good going, moron.

Yours in seething anger,
The Administration.
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1827 on: June 26, 2011, 11:10:55 pm »

Dear Urist McCarpenter,
I know the "build site" is submerged. At least wait until you are almost done before canceling! At this rate we should be done piercing the aquifer in...three years.
Sincerely,
At least you don't fall asleep in the aquifer.
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Flaming Toadstool

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1828 on: June 27, 2011, 01:31:24 am »

Dear Urist McBroker

When the trade caravan comes, you GET YOUR ASS TO THE TRADE DEPOT instead of staying ON BREAK! Do you understand? Probably not. Idiot.

Yours most malevolently,
The Administration.
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shadenight123

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1829 on: June 27, 2011, 01:54:22 am »

To my worthy dogs.
Thank you for being there.
Since without you, our military wouldn't have enough time to prepare itself.
And especially to the NON-war dog.
Since they did more then the war dogs.
thanks for taking down the minotaur.
More meat for all of you.
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