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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 965676 times)

Garath

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3465 on: May 02, 2012, 07:10:11 am »

Dear Engravers,
I think there was a science thread on engraving that showed that more experienced engravers more often engrave historical events. You probably have too many amateurs who can't engrave more than simple objects
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Quote from: Urist Imiknorris
Jam a door with its corpse and let all the goblins in. Hey, nobody said it had to be a weapon against your enemies.
Quote from: Frogwarrior
And then everyone melted.

Baradrim

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3466 on: May 02, 2012, 12:47:32 pm »

Dear Urist McFisheryWorker and UristMcMiner
Please make walls to block lava from the side which has no lava.
If not our speedy emergency miners and if not the meeting-zone, you guys would be fried already.
PS. Congratulations on getting in a romance.

Love,
Mysterious forces which rule the fortress
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Pirate Bob

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3467 on: May 02, 2012, 01:09:05 pm »

Dear Kobolds,

It appears that, if a lever is positioned correctly, and so is a drawbridge, you are a self-solving problem. Your stupidity and mischief has shown me that my dreams of a suicide booth for you guys, gremlins, and other cheeky creatures can be a reality. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

-A proud new inventor, off to sell this to the Mountainhome.

I can't believe you would do such a thing to poor Deebus and his friends?!?  ;D

Blizzlord

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3468 on: May 02, 2012, 01:12:25 pm »

Dear UristMcScientist;

Could you write an essay on the complete nature of Armok's worlds and how their physics function? The inhabitants of Bay12 have a difficult time trying to destroy something which they do not completely understand.

-The Bay12 Insanity Hivemind
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WillowLuman

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3469 on: May 02, 2012, 07:56:24 pm »

Dear Kobolds,

It appears that, if a lever is positioned correctly, and so is a drawbridge, you are a self-solving problem. Your stupidity and mischief has shown me that my dreams of a suicide booth for you guys, gremlins, and other cheeky creatures can be a reality. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

-A proud new inventor, off to sell this to the Mountainhome.

I can't believe you would do such a thing to poor Deebus and his friends?!?  ;D
They did it to themselves. It was supposed to be for executing dwarves, but if they want to sneak in and pull random levers, they should learn to expect some consequences.
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StLeibowitz

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3470 on: May 02, 2012, 09:10:03 pm »

Dear Urist McPumpSlave,

You see that second part of your name? The bit that says "slave"? That means your job is to operate that Armok-damned pump until you keel over from exhaustion and drown in the river you were supposed to drain, allowing Urist McBackup to replace you. This is your sole purpose in life. Every moment of your existence should be focused on operating your pump, to drain the river so the masons can plug the thing up and suffocate the Giant Sponge nest downstream. Your sole purpose.

This means you are not allowed to attend, much less organize, parties during dam-building hours.

Because of you, Urist McBackup had to go in first, and keeled over before the others did, causing the resultant flood to sweep away poor Urist McUseful-Mason to your southeast. I hope you enjoy your Prohibition-era, alcohol-free well water party, and know that you have led to the death of one of Shedimdodok's founders.

With loathing,
        The Office of the Immortal God-King of Dwarfkind, Mankind, Gobbokind, Slayer of elves, eater of giant sponges, Savior of Troglodytes, etcetera.
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Generally, when one is conducting an experiment, it is worth noting that the observers went insane, killed each other, and then rose from the dead.
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3471 on: May 03, 2012, 03:48:19 am »

To the Dwarves of InchCanyon;

I don't know why you're all going mad one-by-one.  You have food, booze and plenty of clothes.  If you really must go insane, please complete the megaproject first.  After that, I don't really care.

Sincerely; The Overlordseer

CandyOreVein

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3472 on: May 03, 2012, 05:48:56 am »

To the dwarves of Mastro Finkle,

I don't understand why you all die in a fireball while just walking down the halls. Might be the lava I tryed to place in the halls wit DF hack.
Please don't go into these instant fire areas.

Your goddamn overloard.
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Urist McNeedsToPullLever cancles pull lever. Enemy we where trying to keep out scared him.

Garath

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3473 on: May 03, 2012, 11:41:42 am »

so either you're killing dwarf on purpose or you're hacking the game and didn't think it might react oddly (it's called dfhack for a reason). In any case it's not a case of a note to urist, but a note to player
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Quote from: Urist Imiknorris
Jam a door with its corpse and let all the goblins in. Hey, nobody said it had to be a weapon against your enemies.
Quote from: Frogwarrior
And then everyone melted.

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3474 on: May 03, 2012, 11:47:26 am »

Dear Urist McLeverpuller;

As much as I appreciate you speedily testing the magma weaponry, did you have to raise that bridge right as one of the fort's few medical dwarves was crossing it?  Thankfully he survived the 7z-level fall, save for his back teeth flying out, but now we're down a diagnostician.  Try it again when the horde of cats crosses next time.


Sincerely, The Overlordseer

Greiger

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3475 on: May 03, 2012, 04:34:41 pm »

To Goblins and Orcs.

Those cage traps are not for you, they are for basilisks and any other interesting wildlife that wanders into them.  You are neither interesting, nor wildlife.  Stay the fuck out.

----------------------------------------------

To basilisks over yonder.

Please come step on this green carat symbol.  If you do you'll get cookies prickle berries meat tasty rocks whatever the hell you guys like to eat.

The administration of Greenbeach.
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Disclaimer: Not responsible for dwarven deaths from the use or misuse of this post.
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tahujdt

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3476 on: May 03, 2012, 08:49:50 pm »

To Goblins and Orcs.

Those cage traps are not for you, they are for basilisks and any other interesting wildlife that wanders into them.  You are neither interesting, nor wildlife.  Stay the fuck out.

----------------------------------------------

To basilisks over yonder.

Please come step on this green carat symbol.  If you do you'll get cookies prickle berries meat tasty rocks whatever the hell you guys like to eat.

The administration of Greenbeach.

Dear Urist McGreiger,

We like to eat dwarves. Or lizard things. Whatever your civ is.

Sincerely, Urists McBasilisk.
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Reudh

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3477 on: May 03, 2012, 08:52:26 pm »

To Urist McEveryone:

STOP BREEDING.

Out of our population of 102, FIFTY are children or babies.

Corai

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3478 on: May 03, 2012, 08:53:42 pm »

Dear kobold,


Look, I am your boss. You rob other forts, but not mine. Your lucky I called-off my army, but if I see your treacherous arse around here again, then its the torture-room for you.

Love, Corai. Kiss Kiss.


Edit,


I assume my letter obviously upset you, but did you HAVE to stand on the river the second it unthawed? Now I must resort to foraging to survive cause of my measly sized plot of sand.

Love, Corai. No kisses.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2012, 09:01:04 pm by Corai »
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Garath

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3479 on: May 03, 2012, 08:54:11 pm »

To Urist McEveryone:

STOP BREEDING.

Out of our population of 102, FIFTY are children or babies.

to Reudh:

use the fucking child cap in d_init and stop complaining! That goes for all of you lousy overseers!
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Quote from: Urist Imiknorris
Jam a door with its corpse and let all the goblins in. Hey, nobody said it had to be a weapon against your enemies.
Quote from: Frogwarrior
And then everyone melted.
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