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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 965662 times)

RedMageCole

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4425 on: October 06, 2012, 12:28:36 pm »

DEAR YOU FUCKING DWARVES
STOP FUCKING GOING OUT AND JACKING OFF TO THE ZOMBIES AND GETTING KILLED
YOU SUICIDAL ASSHOLES

-COLE

P.S. ALSO LEARN HOW TO MINE FASTER AND PICK UP A PICK
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Eric Blank

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4426 on: October 06, 2012, 03:09:10 pm »

Dear Urists
Keep up the good work, but do it faster. Freaking FPS is down to ~15 and there's jack-shit-all going on

Your moderately abusive overseer.

P.S; Why is there a cat swimming around at the bottom of the waterfall?
« Last Edit: October 06, 2012, 03:12:23 pm by Eric Blank »
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"THEN CAME TOBNOM, ASS-GOD".
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

darkgloomie

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4427 on: October 07, 2012, 01:24:47 pm »

P.S; Why is there a cat swimming around at the bottom of the waterfall?
Why not? It ain't doing any harm there, at least. Maybe it'll drown, and save you the trouble!

Dear Urist McUSelessFarmer

You got a possessed mood, and made a useless artifact. On top of being yet another useless migrant who came with FISHING SKILLS when my river has no fishes.

I'm seriously debating building a deathtrap just for you.

Sincerely, your Overseer.
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TheDarkStar

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4428 on: October 07, 2012, 01:52:55 pm »

Dear UristMcGhostMiner,
     WHY did you feel the urge to dig the channel to breach the magma layer WHILE ON THE SPOT? The only reason you got any memorial at all was to stop you from haunting the fort.
     Signed, the overseer
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Don't die; it's bad for your health!

it happened it happened it happen im so hyped to actually get attacked now

birdy51

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4429 on: October 07, 2012, 05:55:24 pm »

Dear UristMcCitizen,

You are doing just fine, considering that the world you live in is a perpetual hell-hole of death and disease. Despite being constantly preyed upon by rodents, goblins, dragons, and the occasional wild kea, I know that I can occasionally trust you to pull that vital lever to protect the fortress from imminent death. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Birdy51

((Someone has to be nice to the dwarves!))
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BIRDS.

Also started a Let's Play, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses

Tsuchigumo550

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4430 on: October 07, 2012, 06:17:53 pm »

Dear UristMcFisheryWorker

Stop drinking the mod energy drinks. They're a little hard to get and give [NOSLEEP] for just long enough to get shit done. You don't have anything useful to do. Stop drinking the good stuff.

---

Also, what mod are you using Lolfail? It sounds interesting.
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There are words that make the booze plant possible. Just not those words.
Alright you two. Attempt to murder each other. Last one standing gets to participate in the next test.
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Lolfail0009

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4431 on: October 07, 2012, 06:25:56 pm »

It's a homebrewed mod of mine. I might release it once I get tilesets done.

Facekillz058

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4432 on: October 07, 2012, 06:36:19 pm »

Dear Urist McMason,

You got trapped outside during a goblin invasion and a colossus attack at the same time.
I was impressed when every goblin that got you was punched the the face until it died.
I was depressed that a lung got torn apart in your valiant fighting against the little green shits, as I thought for sure you were finished.
You were launched 15 tiles into a tree, and I knew it was the end, I was expecting gibblets.
But you weren't done. No, you went into a martial trance and charged back into the fight. You dodged every single hit it threw at you, despite being horribly crippled at this point.
You punched and dodged and you killed the bloody thing.
You didn't even die to that lung that doesn't work anymore.
You will be receiving all the artifact socks.
The statue the colossus left is being moved into your new throne room as we speak.
A hero like you has not been seen among the suicidal masses in a long time.
You must be blessed by Armok.

Your utterly baffled god,
Facekillz.

Oh, by the way, you'll never walk again.
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darkgloomie

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4433 on: October 07, 2012, 06:48:03 pm »

Dear Momuz McChild

The barrel of booze you've been lugging around has space to be put into a stockpile. So why are you saying it doesn't?

Just admit it, you want the booze for yourself. i won't be angry. It's not like i was already planning to send you to daycare, so it wouldn't change anything.

Yours truly, Overseer.
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gbrngfol

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4434 on: October 07, 2012, 10:45:55 pm »

Dear Hydra Somthingorother The Swift Savior,

How the hell did you manage to not bleed when every single one of your bodyparts had at least three bolts in them? Seriously you must have the thickest skin known to Dwarfkind. I'm incredibly amazed that you survived as long as you did and your slab will go on the most noble position at the top of my tallest tower.

Yours truly,

A very amazed Random Homicidal Maniac.
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Sus

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4435 on: October 08, 2012, 01:53:57 am »

Members of The Obscure Band, citizens of Mortalgravel, lend me your ear:
Could you possibly somehow try and find tme in your sternuous explosive breeding regimen to actually do some labors? You know, that pesky stuff that's absolutely essential for keeping you and your vile spawn alive? Or is it really too much to ask? Seriously, 1/4 of our population is toddlers. Is it just me, or is that a problem right there?

Also, when the alert status is updated to "Intruders", it means there are some actual intruders out there, most likely looking for dorfs to kill. In other words, "Intruder Alert!" means "Get the fuck indoors, now!", not "Feel free to take your time, happily skip about in the meadows, smell the flowers and enjoy the sunshine and the occasional hail of arrows and/or a spear to the liver".

-Your Seriously Frustrated Overseer, Sus

P.S. While strange moods are generally appreciated, it wouldn't kill anybody to come down with a mood that actually yields a skill increase, now would it? (Well, technically, in case of a fell mood, it would, but that's a whole 'nother story and not really applicable here.)
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If you launch a wooden mine cart towards the ocean at a sufficient speed, you can have your entire dwarf sail away in an ark.

GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4436 on: October 08, 2012, 06:40:45 am »

Dear broker,
You know the alcohol shortage? Yeah, the caravan has alcohol. Go trade.
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.
P.S. Why did I you only go trade when I said anyone could?
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Sig
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[GreatWyrmGold] gets a little crown. May it forever be his mark of Cain; let no one argue pointless subjects with him lest they receive the same.

Kedly

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4437 on: October 08, 2012, 07:18:38 am »

Dear Urist McTantrum,
Thank you for always choosing the bridge you are standing on to take out your frustrations,
I LOVE rebuilding that bridge all the time
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Tamber

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4438 on: October 08, 2012, 11:09:05 am »

Dear Planters;

Why are you all saying it's not your job to farm the fields? My discovering this has led to me face-palming hard enough to dent my *iron helm*; because we currently have no food. That's right, we're currently living off the scrapings from the bottom of the pots. Thankfully, I have managed to persuade the kitchens that it's okay to use the booze to cook up stews of whatever we find; and we are *occasionally* shooting down the odd sparrow over our compound that can be used to add to the pot.

However, it would be nice if we weren't resorting to killing and eating the prisoners chained in the dining hall. I know, it means we've finally found a use for them, and it can train the military at the same time; but we have enough farm-fields that we shouldn't have to resort to this.

Please do your jobs, or I'll give it to someone else, and you will become ...useful. Or, at least, a tasty soup.

Grumpily yours,
Tamber.
Ovr'sr, Metropolis of SusnŻul.
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I see !!elves!! of green, and red !!magma!! too; I see them burn for me and you; and I think to myself, what a wonderful world...

Blucher

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #4439 on: October 08, 2012, 08:41:38 pm »

Dear Merchant,

I don't want your -pig tail rope-, or your 1230 urist <<+tower-crap barrel+>> (i.e. gold-plated turd).  Nor do I want your nasty donkey "sweetbread", your pathetic <<schist bracelet>>, your +copper harp+, or your cushion tanzinite cabochons.  I've never even heard of a fucking cabochon, much less a cushion cabochon.  I asked for steel, booze, cloth, and wood.  That's all I want. Capisce?

Overseer.

P.S. I go through great pains to keep your sorry asses safe.  Please at least try to have some modicum of self-preservation and use the safe passages I've provided for you.  Don't go traipsing across the wilderness or use the obviously goblin-only passage or you deserve that ballista bolt up your arse.
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