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[Blucher]

Dear Merchant,

I don't want your -pig tail rope-, or your 1230 urist <<+tower-crap barrel+>> (i.e. gold-plated turd).  Nor do I want your nasty donkey "sweetbread", your pathetic <<schist bracelet>>, your +copper harp+, or your cushion tanzinite cabochons.  I've never even heard of a fucking cabochon, much less a cushion cabochon.  I asked for steel, booze, cloth, and wood.  That's all I want. Capisce?

Overseer.

P.S. I go through great pains to keep your sorry asses safe.  Please at least try to have some modicum of self-preservation and use the safe passages I've provided for you.  Don't go traipsing across the wilderness or use the obviously goblin-only passage or you deserve that ballista bolt up your arse.

[BlueMagic]

Dear Migrants,
Listen, I love you guys and all. But even with Dwarf Therapist it's a pain to manage you all and the fact that one of your recent waves brought with you thirty dwarves sometime within my second year is not working out for me.
I'm tempted to throw half of you useless pieces of shit into the military and be done with you already. Christ.

[Smashness]

Dear UristMcMiner,

I do enjoy you trying to complete your jobs in any way possible, but please, the next time fresh magma comes gushing at you, don't decide to cook yourself.

Sincerely,
The Guy Who Stops Playing Dwarf Fortress For A While And Comes Back To Your Suicidal Self.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Migrants,
Listen, I love you guys and all. But even with Dwarf Therapist it's a pain to manage you all and the fact that one of your recent waves brought with you thirty dwarves sometime within my second year is not working out for me.
I'm tempted to throw half of you useless pieces of shit into the military and be done with you already. Christ.

Go ahead, there's no potential loss!

[Objective]

My policy is throwing all migrants to the military and then draw workers from there if I need them.

Dear the Elf who just shot my goddamn hand off,
AHAHAHAHAHA HOW DO YOU LIKE THE FIRES NOW YOU ARE DYING HUGGING A TREE- oh wait you're already a corpse.

Dammit,
Adventurer

[Findulidas]

Dear insane glassmaker

If you so desperately need crystal glass for your artifact, dont grab the last rock crystals and add them into it first. Just when I thought this game had shown me everything, new levels of idiocy creeps up.

Sincerely your God and Master the Player

[Berossus]

Dear Urist McMiner

Really, theres warm stone here?
Right next to the lava?
Amazing.

I really didnt notice the last 327 times you told me and deleted my carefully placed designations.

We are looking for the last vein of candy we havent mined dry, and trying to breach the circus to give our mighty fortress something to do at last, now go and fucking dig where i tell you you freaking pussy.

[crazysheep]

Dear insane glassmaker

If you so desperately need crystal glass for your artifact, dont grab the last rock crystals and add them into it first. Just when I thought this game had shown me everything, new levels of idiocy creeps up.

Sincerely your God and Master the Player

Just forbid the rock crystals he collected using q-f, he'll go and collect other raw gems for his artifact.

[Objective]

Dear insane glassmaker

If you so desperately need crystal glass for your artifact, dont grab the last rock crystals and add them into it first. Just when I thought this game had shown me everything, new levels of idiocy creeps up.

Sincerely your God and Master the Player

Just forbid the rock crystals he collected using q-f, he'll go and collect other raw gems for his artifact.

Last I checked dwarves with moods don't obey forbidding.

[crazysheep]

Last time I checked they did..

[darkgloomie]

Dear insane glassmaker

If you so desperately need crystal glass for your artifact, dont grab the last rock crystals and add them into it first. Just when I thought this game had shown me everything, new levels of idiocy creeps up.

Sincerely your God and Master the Player

Just forbid the rock crystals he collected using q-f, he'll go and collect other raw gems for his artifact.

Last I checked dwarves with moods don't obey forbidding.

if he's already claimed the crystal, forbidding the item in the building (t-f) will drop it from the list. After that you can use it as you need.

[Lolfail0009]

Dear Ucsugospa* McFlamewielder,

Please don't launch fireballs at a kobold thief and a unowheba thief almost simultaneously, for two reasons:

• You are not a youkai. Only the youkai can launch multiple fireballs at the same time, and
• It just stopped raining. Hint hint.

Signed,
Lolfail0009, Sound Of The Night.


Dear Ucsugospa McWeaver,

Are you made of magic? No, you can't be, that's another youkai trick. How in the hell did you manage to turn a Deathcaster's venom into thread? Were you sprayed and immediately got a 'Collect Web' job? Sweet Adun Adun, you're good.

Signed,
Lolfail0009, Sound Of The Night

(The Deathcaster caste has a [CAN_DO_INTERACTION:MATERIAL_EMISSION] for web, but instead of silk, it's [CDI:MATERIAL:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:VENOM:WEB_SPRAY]
Contact syndrome causing paralysis and eventual necrosis. Also, syndromes aren't working for me. Help?)

*Translates into dagger, then to Urist

[ElenaRoan]

Dear beseiging "vile force of darkness"

Thank you for being considerate enough to constantly beseige me in the sealed off L2 and L3 caverns.


Dear Ambushing Warlocks,

While I'm glad there has apparently been a scism in your ranks, could you not have the 'discussion' in my entrance corridore?


- Bemused watcher

I'm guessing some Masterwork oddities causing these but still amusing.  Got seige after seige in the caverns, which I had only opened briefly, high in the air, to get spores then resealed.  And the latest round of ambushes has resulted in 3 lots of warlocks, all battling it out amongst themselves in the entrance corridore, which I wish was fully trapped as they haven't wandered into the traps that have been done so far.

[tahujdt]

Sieges in the caverns are intentional.

[Zaffre]

Dear Urist,

Get over the fact that your cats have been slaughtered for nourishment. Yes, we know you liked them, but they're gone now. You'll find another pet, I'm sure.

Me