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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 978025 times)

Nidilap

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5385 on: October 21, 2013, 08:59:44 am »

Dear Urist McKing of Oakbutcher, Motherland of ElfShoots,

     It has come to my attention that you are planning to send a massive migrant wave consisting mostly of Nobles to our mountain home. I formally say, with every Dwarf's best interest at heart, that that wave should FUCK OFF!!!! Send a caravan instead!!

Signed,

Lord Urist McMayor, Mayor of ElfShoots
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Nidilap likes Adamantine, Bituminous Coal, Garnets, Cats for their aloofness, Dwarves for their stupidity, and Swords for their Spikes and edges. When possible, he prefers to eat pizza, ramen noodles, and sushi. He absolutely detests elves and spiders. He needs MTN DEW to get through the working day.

A medium- sized creature prone to great ambition, but only when he feels like it.

Nyxalinth

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5386 on: October 21, 2013, 09:38:15 pm »

Dear Dumac McDwemer (Nchardahrk Dwemer Mod),

I'm not hating, and nor am I judging.  I know food can be hard to come by.  But where the hell did you come from that your preferred meal is DAGOTH CULTIST?  Seriously, are you trying to Blight the whole fort?  You're not having any.

Disgustedly,

The Tonal Architect, aka Dwemer Overseer

Dear All of You,

What.  The Hell.  You named your fort Bowelmined?  All I can think of is that you must all be constipated or something.  Just...don't use Dwemer technology to fix it. 

Amused and disgusted,

The Tonal Architect
« Last Edit: October 21, 2013, 09:40:55 pm by Nyxalinth »
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Nyxalinth likes the color blue, gaming, writing, art, cats for their aloofness, DEVO for their ideas and Hannibal Lecter for his genius and sophistication. Whenever possible, she prefers to consume bacon cheeseburgers and pinot noir. She absolutely detests stupid people.

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5387 on: October 23, 2013, 06:35:56 am »

Dear Ponies of Bucklace;

Stop....err..... actually, you're doing good. Keep up the good work, and you shall be rewarded with nicer houses and little things that make life better for you simple little guys.

- Expedition leader Doof
IS THIS REALLY DWARF FORTRESS


Dear Urist McDumbmechanic

Waiting with conneting our gates to a lever for a year and then running away screaming when the zombies attacked was quite dwarfly. So dwarfly it was overly dwarfly. Therefore, I nominate you The Real Dwarf. With that position comes an axe and a boot outta the fortress. Have luck fending them off while other mechanics try to fix your shiet.

Your family and pets have been already assigned to Strike Force Z. You will see them soon.
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the1337doofus

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5388 on: October 23, 2013, 11:06:29 am »

Dear Ponies of Bucklace;

Stop....err..... actually, you're doing good. Keep up the good work, and you shall be rewarded with nicer houses and little things that make life better for you simple little guys.

- Expedition leader Doof
IS THIS REALLY DWARF FORTRESS

It's a pony mod, and I'm just at the very beginning. I suspect bad things will happen sooner or later.

Dear Ponies of Bucklace;

There is work to be done. Stop spending 2 weeks just feasting on dandelions and sunshine booze.
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burning dwarves is a sign of productivity

nightdagger

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5389 on: October 25, 2013, 01:53:57 pm »

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf,

I greatly appreciate the speed at which you responded to my orders to assist the human caravan in re-re-re-re dispatching the undead mangled louse corpse at our trade depot recently.  I would question the wisdom of engaging such a creature in close combat, considering that you are carrying a perfectly good crossbow, and a quiver full of just some of the more than one thousand bolts of ammunition available.   However, I must congratulate you on your results, if not your methods, as you proceeded to BITE ITS FRAPPING HEAD OFF.

Please stop by the hospital on your next break to speak with Urist McPsychiatrist.  And congratulations on your victory.

------

Dear Urist McButcherdwarf,

What in Armok's name possessed you to BUTCHER the six-times-slain giant louse that Urist McChompydwarf decapitated!?!  Do you think anyone would really want to eat that even if it hadn't been risen from th-

*urp*

...Carry on, I guess.

Signed,
Your thoroughly nauseated Overseer
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tahujdt

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5390 on: November 01, 2013, 03:18:24 pm »

Quote
Plus, who doesn't like a good dwarf lynching?
Granted, that's a valid point.
Siggy!
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gabrek

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5391 on: November 04, 2013, 01:49:56 pm »

Attention Military of Mountainhome Showerbolt,



That's right guys, the great ass of gas. We've officially dug too deep.
-Zafon McKing
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flame99

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5392 on: November 04, 2013, 05:55:11 pm »

Attention Military of Mountainhome Showerbolt,



That's right guys, the great ass of gas. We've officially dug too deep.
-Zafon McKing
This is by far the funniest thing I've seen all day.
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Greyhoundfd

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5393 on: November 04, 2013, 07:20:08 pm »

Dear Urist McFarmer,
I understand that you might get very hungry in the fields, but when the entire seasons crop comes in it would make my job a lot easier if you did not eat everything before it gets to the fort. It's great that you're happy, but I am tired of the other dwarves picking fights with the hunting dogs and getting their heads ripped off.
-
Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,
For Armok's sake, you're allowed to haul, and I have a storage zone for the fish you catch, so why do you just leave it next to the river for months while it rots!? Your fish are about half my food supply, and you can't just leave them on the ground!
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Colden

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5394 on: November 04, 2013, 07:27:56 pm »

Dear Everysingle Baby Dorf in my Fortress,

Fuck you.

Sincerely, The Fucker that has to watch you do jack shit all day.
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THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

MasterOfLazdumat

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5395 on: November 04, 2013, 08:12:50 pm »

Dear militia of Lazdumat;

This isn't a complaint, but an observation; your excellent record more than speaks for itself. However, why is it that when you decapitate a goblin, the head always goes flying somewhere but the headgear stays with the body? It's amazing!

Dear metalsmiths of Lazdumat:

Another artifact adamantine war hammer? What am I supposed to do, start a croquet club?
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PDF urist master

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5396 on: November 04, 2013, 09:46:21 pm »

That's right guys, the great ass of gas. We've officially dug too deep.
-Zafon McKing

i'm just gonna sig that.
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poisoned_salami

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5397 on: November 07, 2013, 08:57:24 pm »

Dear Mr. Mayor,
  No. We will not make more gauntlets for you. Especially an odd number of gauntlets. The smiths have more than enough work to do, already, what with the pump stack and all.
Besides, we still have plenty of other armor to try on, so why don't you try some of that? It's good to expand your horizons when it comes to armor types. But seriously, the fortress is overflowing with it. Besides, if you put it on, it MAY just help you, should you decide to order the construction of more gauntlets.

Your overlord,
   Poisoned Salami

P.S. What the heck do you need three gauntlets for anyways?
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UnlawfullyDeranged

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5398 on: November 07, 2013, 10:18:48 pm »

Dear Mr. Mayor,
  No. We will not make more gauntlets for you. Especially an odd number of gauntlets. The smiths have more than enough work to do, already, what with the pump stack and all.
Besides, we still have plenty of other armor to try on, so why don't you try some of that? It's good to expand your horizons when it comes to armor types. But seriously, the fortress is overflowing with it. Besides, if you put it on, it MAY just help you, should you decide to order the construction of more gauntlets.

Your overlord,
   Poisoned Salami

P.S. What the heck do you need three gauntlets for anyways?

Beard
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BlackFlyme

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5399 on: November 07, 2013, 10:36:44 pm »

Dear Mr. Mayor,
  No. We will not make more gauntlets for you. Especially an odd number of gauntlets. The smiths have more than enough work to do, already, what with the pump stack and all.
Besides, we still have plenty of other armor to try on, so why don't you try some of that? It's good to expand your horizons when it comes to armor types. But seriously, the fortress is overflowing with it. Besides, if you put it on, it MAY just help you, should you decide to order the construction of more gauntlets.

Your overlord,
   Poisoned Salami

P.S. What the heck do you need three gauntlets for anyways?

Beard

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Seriously though, you got lucky. A noble who likes armour and weapons is much preferable to one who wants useless junk.

My favorite is one who likes bolts, that way I get reminders to make ammunition from time to time.
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