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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 954853 times)

Insert_Gnome_Here

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6645 on: April 02, 2016, 06:53:34 am »

Dear historians of The Ageless Universe,
    I am greatly displeased with the accuracy of your historical records.



I distinctly remember the presence of at least 20 heavily armed corpses with the human lasher, and that the heroic efforts of the siege operators killed 6 of them and maimed many more.
I am now personally seeing to it that Ghostink will carve its legacy on the world in blood, especially that of historians.

Sincerely, Overseer of Ghostink
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Quote from: MaxÖ on December 06, 2015, 04:09:21 am
Also, if you ever figure out why poets/bards/dancers just randomly start butchering people/getting butchered, please don't fix it, I love never knowing when a dance party will turn into a slaughter.

Dutrius

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6646 on: April 04, 2016, 09:45:07 am »

To the citizens of Windfang:

Ok, which one of you scared away the caravan this autumn? I got the notice that they had arrived, and when I went to see them, they were nowhere to be seen.

Also, who decided that a region without elves would be a good place to settle? Now who are we supposed to annoy?
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Insanegame27

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6647 on: April 04, 2016, 09:52:46 am »

Dear overseer Dutrius,
The lads and I thought it would be a good idea to pull a prank, we're getting bored here without any elves to kill and annoy. Which is your fault, really, if you had tabbed through that wonderful map you had been using to choose where we go, you would have seen that elves were too far to be considered a neighbor.


Sincerely,
The lads
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A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6648 on: April 05, 2016, 10:31:52 am »

Dear angry overlord,

Did you ever come down to the barracks and watch that kid spar? That meat was so stupid, He couldn't figure out which end of the spear goes towards the enemy. There's no way I was going into combat next to him, I'd have been in more danger from him than from the enemy. I told you he should have been assigned to the library instead of the military. But did you listen to me?

Your military commander, who prefers not to die from wounds inflicted by his own troops.
Dear monom
as you know Kel was killed by a giant mole. I've just been informed by a CAT(Cat At Tunnels) unit that a giant mole successfully killed a GCS with minimal injuries. Cant fully blame you for running.

Sincerely,
Your supreme overlord(who's scared of giant moles and released a dragon on this world that had none at the dawn of time)

Tesnivy812

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6649 on: April 05, 2016, 11:56:10 am »

Dear Dwarves,

DON'T BUILD YOURSELVES INTO WALLS.

Sincerely, your overseer.
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bigjaredmonkey

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6650 on: April 26, 2016, 12:50:48 pm »

Dear Dwarves,

DON'T BUILD YOURSELVES INTO WALLS.

Sincerely, your overseer.

Dear overseer,

When inside or behind a wall, i would finally have the time to enter a strange mood and create a ☼Rock sock☼.
You should be grateful that we build your walls!

Sincerely,
Urist McNoble 
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This is a birch door. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. This object menaces with spikes of chicken leather. This object menaces with spikes of chicken leather. On the item is an image of ravens in birch.
Noob fortress, a succession game for noobs.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=157847.0

Panando

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6651 on: April 27, 2016, 03:53:16 am »

Dear UristMcDingoTorturerSwordDorf,

Do you really have to cut all the paws off the dingo before killing it? Yes, yes, I know, the military is the place where we send psychos like you. But geezus! Does it entertain you to watch the poor critter crawling around on it's bloody stumps while bleeding out?

Sincerely,
Your benevolent overlord
« Last Edit: April 27, 2016, 03:55:41 am by Panando »
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pikachu17

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6652 on: April 27, 2016, 09:20:06 am »

Dear UristMcDingoTorturerSwordDorf,

Do you really have to cut all the paws off the dingo before killing it? Yes, yes, I know, the military is the place where we send psychos like you. But geezus! Does it entertain you to watch the poor critter crawling around on it's bloody stumps while bleeding out?

Sincerely,
Your benevolent overlord
Dear "benevolent" overlord

I kill them that way because the extra severed limbs give more meat and skins, therefore it is useful. if I really wanted to be entertained, I would sever all its limbs, sever its eyes,ear, and nose
and let it live.

Regards, Urist Mcdingofighter

bigjaredmonkey

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6653 on: April 27, 2016, 12:54:43 pm »

Dear Urist McEngineer,

If you become drowsy, please wait to finish constructing your hallway of large serrated disc death BEFORE you take a nap.
Your bloody, gibbed corpse will be stowed away in the refuse stockpile.

Overseer
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This is a birch door. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. This object menaces with spikes of chicken leather. This object menaces with spikes of chicken leather. On the item is an image of ravens in birch.
Noob fortress, a succession game for noobs.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=157847.0

callisto8413

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6654 on: April 27, 2016, 02:36:04 pm »

Dear Sober Dwarf,

I understand you have been shaken by many events happening in Tongsburns.  The vampire hunts, the werecreature attacks, the Giant Flies, and the tree deaths.  But you have to drink something!  Come on!  We have a tavern and a tavern keep.  Look at the Humans and Elves and Goblins!  Even they enjoy drinking!  Drink something!  Drink something - for your mother's sake!   For the love of Dwarfkind, drink something!

Don't become so sober that you go insane and I have to put you down.  We have had too many deaths already!   Don't make me do it!  Don't make me do it!


Your loving Overseer of Toy Land,

Me.

PS - Don't make me do it!
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TheFlame52

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6655 on: April 27, 2016, 02:40:40 pm »

The vampire hunts
Wait, is the vampire still at large? Watch that sober dwarf closely...

callisto8413

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6656 on: April 27, 2016, 02:46:07 pm »

The vampire hunts
Wait, is the vampire still at large? Watch that sober dwarf closely...

No. They always announce themselves.  "Hello, I'm Bob the Vampire Scholar!"
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Dozeb˘m Lolumzalýs

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6657 on: April 27, 2016, 05:26:19 pm »

I'm pretty sure that bug was fixed a few versions ago.
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sculleywr

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6658 on: April 28, 2016, 09:20:30 pm »

Dear goblin overlords,

This dwarven civilization has established many forts, some of which are only a tile away on the map from your wretched hives of scum and villainy. And yet, no matter how many years we remain nearby, nor how much wealth we acquire in those fortresses, with weapons and crafting industries producing millions of sheckels worth of product each year, your lazy arses have refused to even send a lowly snatcher to visit us. The kobolds visited, until it became obvious to them by the flying kobolds launched the way they came by means of a warhammer-powered space program that they will never be able to steal a single thing from our forts. Come and visit, we'll even put some funny little birds in five fir trees! Come, I call you!

Sincerely,
King Under the Mountain

(seriously, I can't BUY a goblin invasion force. I don't know any other ways to get them to come and play with my overpopulated forts. I give bonus candy to those who got all of the references in this post)
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I had one get happy again... After producing a bed made from their own husband's body.
I once  had a fort called paddledbottom in the plains of spanking founded by the painful punishment
And so, in a thread about cointainers with usele

SimRobert2001

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #6659 on: April 29, 2016, 09:42:18 pm »



King Under the Mountain-
Pardon us, we are busy raiding your closer neighbors. They are closer to us than you are. As a result, we raid them first. We'll get to you... eventually.
-Goblins
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