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Author Topic: Why are elves tree lovers?  (Read 9200 times)

Ratbert_CP

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2010, 11:23:37 pm »

I refer you to an earlier post of mine.
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Vercingetorix

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2010, 11:57:47 pm »

I always figured they were the live-with-the-land sustainable types.  They might produce wood and cloth products, but not in ways that actually kill the plants or trees in the process (there's a technique for doing that with trees, but I don't recall its name). 

On the other hand, my landscapes look like 17th-century Europe if I don't have magma...not a standing tree in sight and the skies undoubtedly blackened with the fires of our charcoal industry. 
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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2010, 05:01:59 am »

According to the Eragon series, the Elves use their language to ask the trees into the shapes they need. I imagine this translates to the Elves torture the trees into warped echoes of their former selves. The Elves then chop down the entire tree, just to get at the single wooden earing.

According to Eragon, it's oaky to be a selfish sociopath so long as you maintain the privilege of being the designated protagonist and Author Avatar.
That could potentially be one of the best worst puns ever.
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RavingManiac

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #18 on: August 10, 2010, 07:26:29 am »

They hug the trees to death.
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Thief:"Quiet kitty, Qui-"
Cat:"THIEF! Protect the hoard from the skulking filth!"
The resulting party killed 20 dwarves, crippled 2 more and the remaining 9 managed to get along and have a nice party.

Encased in burning magma

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #19 on: August 10, 2010, 12:40:19 pm »

Maybe all their stock come from wooden titans?

"The titan has co..."
*CHOP COP CHOP*

Anyone want a saguro rib flute?
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[MILL_CHILD:ONLY_IF_GOOD_REASON]

HatfieldCW

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #20 on: August 10, 2010, 03:46:39 pm »

When Elf Retreat becomes a play option, I'd like to see the elf "wood harvest" operation leave a sapling behind, so the tree doesn't die, it's just pruned down and left healthy.
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cameron1124

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #21 on: August 10, 2010, 04:02:54 pm »

wait wait wait! so instead of killing it outright the "painlessly" extract wood from it? How is that even possible, considering the dwarves kill the whole tree as painlessly as possible. BUT THE ELVES TORTURE TREES THROUGHT THERE LIFETIME!
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Josephus

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #22 on: August 10, 2010, 05:30:20 pm »

How about I chop you in half with an axe, see how "painless" that is.

That said, the elves are hypocrites. They probably cut trees down with wooden axes.
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Solar Rangers: Suggestion Game in SPAAAAACE
RPG Interest Check Thread
i had the elves bring me two tigermen, although i forgot to let them out of the cage and they died : ( i was sad : (

breadbocks

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2010, 06:09:09 pm »

According to the Eragon series, the Elves use their language to ask the trees into the shapes they need. I imagine this translates to the Elves torture the trees into warped echoes of their former selves. The Elves then chop down the entire tree, just to get at the single wooden earing.

According to Eragon, it's oaky to be a selfish sociopath so long as you maintain the privilege of being the designated protagonist and Author Avatar.
True. Is it any different in DF adventure mode? You go around killing things to save the world and finish quest, while acquiring better equips, so you can save the world more. But this is from your biased point of view. What really happens is you rip off honest shopkeepers to go murder stuff (selfish), while demanding "quests" from the very rulers of the world so you can get coins (sociopathic), while you play as the hero of the world (designated protagonist), again from your point of view, and play as the incarnation of the god character, you (Author Avatar). The only thing that happens in Eragon that doesn't happen in DF is the hitting-on of the 100+-year-older-than-you elf.
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cameron1124

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2010, 06:12:27 pm »

How about I chop you in half with an axe, see how "painless" that is.

I bet alot less painless then you chop off my hand let it regrow, chop it off again for the next few hundred years.
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Josephus

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2010, 06:15:35 pm »

Regardless of what I said previously, DF elves don't chop. They merely coax the wood out of a tree in a manner which is probably sexual. So yes, they are terrible, terrible beings.
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Solar Rangers: Suggestion Game in SPAAAAACE
RPG Interest Check Thread
i had the elves bring me two tigermen, although i forgot to let them out of the cage and they died : ( i was sad : (

MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #26 on: August 10, 2010, 06:27:09 pm »

We already know the elves are evil. I would bet money that once Dwarf Fortress includes Human Town, Goblin Tower, Kolbold Cave, and Elf Retreat; someone will give out instructions on how to cripple Elf Retreat as a game mode. We are justified in hating them that very much.
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breadbocks

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2010, 06:37:37 pm »

Regardless of what I said previously, DF elves don't chop. They merely coax the wood out of a tree in a manner which is probably sexual. So yes, they are terrible, terrible beings.

OMG TREE FVCKING HUGGERS! AND KISSERS! AND..... oh dear.....

We already know the elves are evil. I would bet money that once Dwarf Fortress includes Human Town, Goblin Tower, Kolbold Kave, and Elf Retreat; someone will give out instructions on how to cripple Elf Retreat as a game mode. We are justified in hating them that very much.
Fix'd that for you. Couldn't stop myself.
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Clearly, cakes are the next form of human evolution.

Cespinarve

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2010, 09:59:04 pm »

According to the Eragon series, the Elves use their language to ask the trees into the shapes they need. I imagine this translates to the Elves torture the trees into warped echoes of their former selves. The Elves then chop down the entire tree, just to get at the single wooden earing.

According to Eragon, it's oaky to be a selfish sociopath so long as you maintain the privilege of being the designated protagonist and Author Avatar.
That could potentially be one of the best worst puns ever.

Thank you. I noticed it, and felt that i owed the world not to correct my spelling.

According to the Eragon series, the Elves use their language to ask the trees into the shapes they need. I imagine this translates to the Elves torture the trees into warped echoes of their former selves. The Elves then chop down the entire tree, just to get at the single wooden earing.

According to Eragon, it's oaky to be a selfish sociopath so long as you maintain the privilege of being the designated protagonist and Author Avatar.
True. Is it any different in DF adventure mode? You go around killing things to save the world and finish quest, while acquiring better equips, so you can save the world more. But this is from your biased point of view. What really happens is you rip off honest shopkeepers to go murder stuff (selfish), while demanding "quests" from the very rulers of the world so you can get coins (sociopathic), while you play as the hero of the world (designated protagonist), again from your point of view, and play as the incarnation of the god character, you (Author Avatar). The only thing that happens in Eragon that doesn't happen in DF is the hitting-on of the 100+-year-older-than-you elf.

What do you mean "doesn't happen"? Every time some sweet maiden says "In the year 340, my cousin had his leg eaten by Grundig Fafner the Angry Incests of Towers" , I positively swoon.
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Nice one, not sure when I'll be feeling like killing a baby but these things are good to know.
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monk12

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Re: Why are elves tree lovers?
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2010, 10:54:04 pm »

They don't actually love trees, that's just the result of an intensive PR campaign. What the elves really are is ruthless businessmen seeking a monopoly on all things wood. Stage 2 of the campaign involves getting every civilized being to buy into the notion that trees can feel pain and have emotions and whatnot, and that if you don't buy Elf Approved trees then you are a horrible person.

Their marketing branch has not reckoned with the dubious moral standards of dwarvenkind.
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