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Author Topic: Cows  (Read 2896 times)

Africa

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Cows
« on: August 13, 2010, 04:43:24 pm »

A recent conversation on facebook between me and a friend (non native English speaker, hence not knowing what "gore" means)

me: do you know what the verb "to gore" means?

friend: um no

me: it means when cows get sick of sitting around chewing cud and decide to start fucking you up

and then they do so by stabbing their massive horns into your chest

and then you lay there bleeding to death and cursing god the whole time

and it's all i can think about whenever i walk past any cows



Guys I'm scared shitless of cows. The things are huge and have the potential to completely ruin my or your shit. All my fear or non-fear of them is based off experiences of walking past them and them not pwning me, but there's no way to avoid adding the word "yet" at the end of that sentence.

Discuss cows and other fears you have of animals

Edit: I'm not afraid of them in the sense that some people are afraid of, say, spiders or heights, but I think I have a healthy fear of something with the ability to put a hole through my torso. Also, I'm a city kid, the biggest wildlife I saw was possums. Gimme a break
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smjjames

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Re: Cows
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2010, 04:47:07 pm »

Its usually the bulls you have to worry about I think.

Seriously, unless you work on a farm or are a spanish bullfighter, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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Rilder

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Re: Cows
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2010, 04:54:47 pm »

We have a few cows here, they are all sweethearts...

When I was a kid I think I remember using a steer as a bed once too.

Now goats, the males will fucking piss on you.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 04:58:58 pm by Rilder »
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Duuvian

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Re: Cows
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2010, 04:59:15 pm »

Cows (as far as I know) were never bred for war, and have had most of their aggressive tendencies bred to a minimum. Horses on the other hand...

Well, they're both domesticated herbivores so they tend to be fairly amicable. What you really need to watch out for (in North America) are bears and the damned sasquatch.

I suppose a hungry large cat would be dangerous too, but I think the American versions tend to be fairly shy around people.

That said, most bulls are kept around for stud purposes, which means they still have high levels of hormones floating around in their small brains. Generally though, they aren't out to get you unless you start poking them with sharp objects or otherwise provoke them with your proximity.

Now goats, the males will fucking piss on you.

They also stink because their body literally sweats hormones. This is one of the downsides to having testicles that are larger than your brain.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 05:02:29 pm by Duuvian »
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Sir Pseudonymous

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Re: Cows
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2010, 05:34:13 pm »

I suppose a hungry large cat would be dangerous too, but I think the American versions tend to be fairly shy around people.
It depends on where you live. I understand that in California at least mountain lions like to grab bikers and joggers, and in some cases have wound up wandering into suburbs.

There aren't that many around here. I think there's supposed to be one living a few dozen miles to the west, based on sightings. Of course, I've heard we have a nasty coyote problem along the edge of the sprawling suburb that makes up Raleigh and its surrounding cities (which are more or less just suburbs of it at this point); they apparently killed some canadian musician that was hiking in a park just outside the city last year.
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de5me7

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Re: Cows
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2010, 05:40:09 pm »

i agree, cows are dangerous

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/5872515/Walker-trampled-to-death-by-cows.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jun/22/woman-trampled-cows-yorkshire

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1292766/Teacher-trampled-death-herd-cows.html

there are many many more cases

have you ever been followed by cows? i have, its a pain in the arse, and if you start running they do too.

horse sometimes follow but usually patting them or giving them grass will subdue them. Cows on the other hand have more evil intentions.

cows are smarter than sheep, shee are dumb and only good at dying. cows no stuff. FEAR the cow.
on the other hand have you ever been cow pushing or slapping? i celbrated my 21st birthday by cow slapping.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Cows
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2010, 05:45:21 pm »

Cows aren't as dangerous as you say, and I don't see why you would be around them unless you work on a cow farm, and then I would have to wonder why the hell a cowphobic guy is working on a cow farm. Even the bulls you don't have to be that careful of. Just avoid cows in general, it isn't that hard. Don't let your friends know about this fear though, or they'll throw you in a cow inclosure when you get drunk or somthing to that affect.
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Stany

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Re: Cows
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2010, 05:47:09 pm »

During my school cross country runs, we had to go through this field with a mental cow in it. You had to walk really slowly or it would come after you and fuck you up and then anyone who was behind you.

I hate cows, horses, goats and sheep. Horses because they kick you in the face and are generally massive twats. Goats and sheep because of their scary eyes, I had a childhood book with a goat in it at the end and it scared the crap out of me.
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ed boy

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Re: Cows
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2010, 06:05:06 pm »

Swans, too. Swans are complete bastards.
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Stany

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Re: Cows
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2010, 06:11:17 pm »

I really want to eat a swan to see what it tastes like but it's illegal to kill them since they belong to the queen, or at least the ones around here do.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 06:15:07 pm by Stany »
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Cows
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2010, 06:13:45 pm »

I think swans may just hate everything that isn't a swan. Crazy bastards will chase you down if they consider you a threat.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Cows
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2010, 06:18:44 pm »

My grandma had a pet swan. It was really nice.

Though this may have been a product of it being raised around humans.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Cows
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2010, 06:22:59 pm »

That swan probably had the "swan" position in its mind filled by humans. It would likely try to fight anything else.
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Jopax

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Re: Cows
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2010, 06:33:55 pm »

I remember both my fathers and my mothers parents having cows, my mothers parents had this really sweet stable for the cow and it's offspring, it had old wood in it and stank of cow, also chickens.Anyway i wasn't that scared of the cow, atleast not until she would have a calf, i always feared the little bastard because i was expecting, when i approach it, touch it or even look it funny the cow would maul me, that never happened, also fresh, steaming hot cow milk is the juice of the gods, i remeber drooling over a fresh bucketfull of it, then proceeding to chug it down with some hombaked bread(boy was that godly).Then all i remember from the cow my fathers father had is being batshit insane, i remember when the damn bitch was standing behind him while he was talking to someone, then she gets up on her back legs and puts her hooves on his shoulders, it was like a freaking circus.Then after some time i remember it being killed, i saw the blood and the gore, and i remember the man who killed it, when he opened her up bloodied milk started to flow out of her gut, he recommended it as being tasty and healthy.

What i really have problems with are pigs, also coming from a case of childhood scare, i was with this old woman, she was a family friend and seeing as i was a sweet kid i could really hang out with any of those people in the village, anyway she went to feed her pigs, i wanted to come, so i did, it was away from most houses, in the fields, a solid brick construction with a couple of pigs inside, she was throwing them food and i was at the wooden gate to the pen looking curiosliy at the bastards gorging themselves in the crap she was throwing them, then one big motherfucker decides it would be fun to eat my face and jumps at the gate, i recoil with a scream and promplty run away as fast as i can, leaving the old woman to fight them herself.She survived of course as none of them got out, but to this day i have a fear of pigs, that they will eat my legs or something if they come close, Snatch didn't help that fear.
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Euld

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Re: Cows
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2010, 06:33:55 pm »

This is an engraved image of Africa and cows.  Africa is surrounded by cows.  Africa is cowering in fear.
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