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PULL THE LEVER? [Y/N]

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Total Members Voted: 319


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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 885314 times)

SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2010, 12:53:52 am »

Sign me up, please.  Can I claim a migrant?  Any job would do.
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dragonshardz

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #31 on: August 21, 2010, 02:27:01 am »

Heh, Nat, in before you so I get dibs ;D

Andreus

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #32 on: August 21, 2010, 02:40:36 am »

Journal of Andreus, Voidwalker

Once again, I return from the endless void... I could have used a better host than this snaggletoothed old crone, but hopefully that won't be an issue soon. The others did not believe me when I said I had experience with this place - I've had enough experience with this place for a lifetime. Four lifetimes. Once, killed by slavering, undead monsters. Once, by drowning in the blueness. Once, by... heck, even I can't remember - and once, to that vile creature Stuzang.

Stuzang. That creature worries me. Such a powerful abomination should not exist in this world, yet there it was. Battlefailed fell to its monstrous wrath. The walls of reality are slowly collapsing, and I must discover why. The incompetent gods of this world blame my constant reincarnation, yet this body-hopping is a technique I have used so many dozens of times across so many worlds that I forget exactly how many faces I've worn - why should it begin to cause an erosion of the doors between the worlds now? I fear something far more sinister than myself is at work here.

Battlefailed drew trouble to it like a magnet - there was no monster that did not eventually find its way to our door. What is hidden beneath the Plains of Ooze that is so valuable?
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Oglokoog

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #33 on: August 21, 2010, 07:47:38 am »

I'd like to be dorfed too, and then redorfed immediately upon (eventual) death with a roman numeral (II., III., IV. and so on) if that is possible. Thanks.
Let's see how many Oglos there will be until my turn :D
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So we got monsters above, monsters below, dwarves in the middle and a party in the dining hall. Sounds good to me.
If all else fails, remember one thing:  kittens are delicious, nutritious little goblin-baiters, cavern explorers, and ambush-finders.

melkorp

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #34 on: August 21, 2010, 08:06:16 am »

Oo, can I get a dorf with the first migrant wave? 
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...It should be pretty fun though.

SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #35 on: August 21, 2010, 09:42:33 am »

"Oh my God!"

This scream came from Lur the Jealous as he peered at the physical world from his All-seeing Tree, whose exposed heartwood displayed a phantasmal image of seven dwarves contemplating a newly-flooded section of farm-rock.  He reached the length of his arm into the tree, passing through the woody trunk which rippled like a disturbed glass of milk.  His fingers emerged clutching a bloodshot eyeball that pulsed like a beating heart.

Moving with deific speed, he was now in a grand chamber covered in symbols so secret only three mortals in the entire multiverse would recognize them.  There were no doorways in any of the pillared walls, and in the center of the room was a long crystalline table surrounded by a number of comfortable-looking leather chairs, the exact number of which seemed to change with each passing instant.  Lur threw the curious eyeball at the ceiling.  The collision released a dazzling explosion of a color not possible to describe.

The other gods were already answering his mental summons.  One by one the deities of Aluonra manifested themselves directly into the chairs, of which there were now several hundred, with some floating dozens of feet in the air, occupied or not.  As there were no mortals present, there was no risk in driving anyone insane, so they were each in their true shape, formless but not without form.

"This had better be a public apology, Lur," said Kigok Pokercooks immediately, though it was less a statement than a congealed projection of annoyance.

Lur pointed skyward, and the gods' eyes all followed the seven dwarves now pictured on high.  "What the hell is wrong with dwarves?" someone called out.  It was Otik the Blueness of Flickers.

"What indeed," added Kigok, who was known to be an attention-seeker.  "What needs to happen before they avoid such a place?"

"That," said Lur, while he continued to point and the ceiling took on the appearance of a bald dwarf with a tiny nose, "is not who it should be.  It's the Sorcerer, he's behind this.  I don't know how he convinced them, but it looks like they're trying for a new settlement there."

"Not to mention the collapse of improbability," intoned Bengel, who was associated with lust and depravity.

"Oh, let's mention it!" cried out Kigok.  "It's been a real thorn in my side."

"Shall we review?"  Zimesh, whose followers envisioned him as a rotting corpse, pulled a scroll out of thin air and slid a long bony finger along the parchment, and sat up as his chair lifted high above the rest.

Lur protested.  "Like I said a thousand and six times, that --"

"You resurrected a mortal who had been to the Lost Library."  Zimesh gave Lur a stern glance.

"I figured he'd be off to the Abode of Unending Pleasure.  I told him exactly how to find it!"

"A mortal already guilty of bodysnatching.  You sent him BACK to Aluonra with augmented knowledge when you FOUND him reading in the Library."  This was supplied by Nifih the Pond Grabber, who never stopped smiling.

"Look, he needed to go back, to prevent the Conflict of Atrocities.  It would have opened the Seal!"  Lur had already explained all of this, and was growing impatient.

"It could have been closed again," glowered Egath Seasonlord, "but crumbling as it is now, it's almost useless.  And what has already come out..." He trailed off, giving an involuntary shiver.

Anan the Cave Fish God spoke for the first time that century, "Given our last attempt to subdue the Sorcerer in Limbo, it's unlikely he'll return there by choice."

"It's not just him," added Limul, the Goddess of Metal.  "Half of the dead and displaced aren't getting to Limbo either."  The image on the ceiling flickered to show those lucky souls that found other worlds and bodies to possess, casting now-homeless souls to the aether.  Those less fortunate were shown presently wandering the cavernous ruins of Battlefailed, halls of the earthbound damned, in monstrous bodies not fit for happiness.

"You messed up, Lur," said a young god named Thoth, who at six thousand years was barely old enough to speak.

"I know, I know," Lur held up a hand dismissively.  "I'm sorry, alright?  We can all blame me after we've fixed up the cosmos."

The other gods looked among themselves, then all of them looked back at Lur, who was suddenly pinged by the godly equivalent of nervousness.

"This has been a long time coming," said the hundreds of voices in chorus.

If Lur had a heart it would have been pounding.  They had entered The Union without him.  It meant only one thing.

Ar-en-ji, thought the gods loudly.

'I can explain,' Lur almost began, but thought better of it.  "I can explain!" he said anyway, and marveled at saying precisely what he'd specifically decided not to say.

"Irrelevant.  Your action's consequences cannot be ignored.  Your fate is sealed." The eyes of the other gods were glowing yellow, brighter and louder until all the room was awash in golden light.  Like an elongated thunderclap, a low rumble rose up from the floor.

"Your actions have condemned the innocent and undermined existence.  Your mistakes will be fixed for you.  You are stripped of godhood, Lur Thiefwitch.  Go now and live as one of the mortals you have doomed to extinction."  The gods all raised their arms at once.  There was a bolt of lightning, a cloud of smoke, and Lur Thiefwitch was gone.  The light of the room faded as the eyes of the Gods faded to black.  The eyeball fell out of the ceiling with a wet noise and shattered on the ground.  The pieces boiled away into nothingness.  The room was quiet.

Her face grim, Kigok rose out of her chair.  "We must contact the other worlds.  And figure out what we can do."
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cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #36 on: August 21, 2010, 10:09:44 am »

Hmm, I wonder how many people we are going have to skip?
Also I have big plans for FailCannon! HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, BIG PLANS INDEED!
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Robocorn

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #37 on: August 21, 2010, 10:53:33 am »

Once, by... heck, even I can't remember -

Lung Failure caused by a shit-monster's deadly vapors

Mountain-King

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #38 on: August 21, 2010, 11:01:06 am »

Sign me up. I'll try my best not to miss my turn.
EDIT: also, dwarf me as a soap maker if you get any.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2010, 12:33:30 pm by Mountain-King »
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #39 on: August 21, 2010, 11:27:42 am »

23rd Malachite

Some migrants have arrived.

Melkorp, a wood burner/cook
NightmareBros, a butcher
Derm, a planter by trade, but seems to want to do everything
Mipe, a soldier
Mekboy, a (high master) glassmaker
Dariush, a cook with a knack for weaponsmithing
Pisano, a milker who wants to try masonry and has some armoring skill
Nat, a useless novice potash maker

I also found out that our farmer's name is Lupusater.

2nd Sandstone

Mipe died of thirst today. Apparently he decided to stay outside when the gate was closed. He will not be missed.

Andreus decided to tell me about a method of making bones into blocks. I told him this would be useful when we actually get to kill things. He pointed to the animals that the migrants had brought with them and told me to butcher the mule foal and the cow calf. I told Derm to get to work. I can see a thriving horse bone block industry in the far future.

21st Sandstone

More migrants:

cappstv, a fish dissector
LordSlowpoke, a bowyer
Oglokoog, a stoneworker
Lucus Casius, a fisherdwarf (our new chief medical dwarf)
dragonshardz, a metalsmith

17th Timber

The liaison and caravan have come at last. We traded some stone mugs for a rope, booze, and food. Andreus met with the liaison and ordered copper bars (I don't know why, I think he likes copper) and booze.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2010, 03:59:57 pm by Urist Imiknorris »
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breadbocks

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #40 on: August 21, 2010, 01:39:22 pm »

Pardon me while I express interest.
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Clearly, cakes are the next form of human evolution.

Flagrarus

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #41 on: August 21, 2010, 03:24:34 pm »

Can I express interest as well?
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I've had my name said wrong at least 10 times so far in my whole forum life.
Oh, HORROR! This is clearly a travesty of untold proportions! The typo gods truly have brought their wrath down upon this poor man!

Zathel

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #42 on: August 21, 2010, 05:08:42 pm »

Dwarf me at the next opportunity. Any profession with Zatiss as the name.
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nonobots

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #43 on: August 21, 2010, 06:14:56 pm »

Nice start! Only a couple updates and already a god has fallen!

While I'm at it, please dwarf me as Nonobots, miner/mechanics!
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Playing DF on a Mac.

frozen

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #44 on: August 21, 2010, 08:23:45 pm »

If i can be dorfed that would be awesome.  No preferences, just some lay-about migrant who will ultimately come to an untimely and unfortunate demise.
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