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Author Topic: Reg  (Read 8109 times)

ledgekindred

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Reg
« on: September 11, 2010, 06:20:25 pm »

I have a squad of legendary hammerdwarves.  They are:

Mestthos Wheelfleshes the Equivalent Column of Generals
Bim Boulderdoor the Impervious Ditch of Symmetries
Sigun Boltsqueezes the Tenacious Obstacles of Ticking
Udib Tongschanted the Praised Risk of Inking
Domas Rampartfriends the Severe Sacks of Wringing
Shem Greenhatchet the Constructive Top of Hawks
Reg Liruklor

Poor Reg.  I need to stick him in a locked room with some disarmed goblins so he can get his five kills.

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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

breadbocks

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Re: Reg
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2010, 06:21:26 pm »

Is there a point to this topic?
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Clearly, cakes are the next form of human evolution.

Fayceless

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Re: Reg
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2010, 06:28:51 pm »

Is there a point to this topic?

I was amused by it.
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ZeroGravitas

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Re: Reg
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2010, 06:29:33 pm »

Is there a point to this topic?

i'm sorry, you must be new to the DF Forums
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ledgekindred

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Re: Reg
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2010, 06:39:00 pm »

Is there a point to this topic?

It's humor.  Maybe if I explain it it will make more sense.

You see, I have some dwarves who are Legendary with Hammer, Armor, Shield, Fighting and probably a couple of other skills.  They are all in the same military squad with each other.  They have something around 160-170 kills amongst them.  Except for Reg, who has one.  See it's not because he's not a well trained dwarf, I guess he's just unlucky.  So it's funny that here's a dwarf, and his name is "Reg" by the way, which I think is kind of a funny name for a dwarf, and he has this really short name where all the other dwarves in his squad have these really long titles because of all their kills.

And it's in the "Dwarf Mode Discussion" forum because he is in a "Dwarf Mode" game I am playing, and I thought I would bring it up for discussion, because people often find humorous things worth reading on account of being humorous.

Hope this helped.
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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

Vercingetorix

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Re: Reg
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2010, 06:45:03 pm »

By "legendary Hammerdwarf", they must have meant Reg was the best hammer-hauling squire in the Mountainhomes, not an actual legendary hammerdwarf.

I can imagine the military parades...all these dwarves with legendary titles and then...Reg.  Just Reg.
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Do you always look at it in ASCII?

You get used to it, I don't even see the ASCII.  All I see is blacksmith, miner, goblin.

Dr. Hieronymous Alloy

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Re: Reg
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2010, 07:24:40 pm »

Reg is so cool he just has a one-word name. Like Cher or Madonna or Prince. Reg.
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Catastrophic lolcats

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Re: Reg
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2010, 09:39:57 pm »

Shaft Reg!

Who's the dwarf private dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
(Reg!)
You're damn right

Who is the dwarf
That would risk his neck for his brother dwarf?
(Reg!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about
(Reg!)
Right on

You see this cat Reg is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Reg
(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated dwarf
But no one understands him but his she-dwarf
(Reg Liruklor)
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Just did the same thing, and it's awesome. Indeed, Giant Desert Scorpions can fire crossbows, parry blows, stab you with bolts, smash you with crossbows...

Zaik

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Re: Reg
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2010, 09:42:50 pm »

to make it quicker, drop them about 3+ z-levels so they break a leg and you won't have to bother with disarming them, he'll be all over them before the stun is over.
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[MILL_CHILD:ONLY_IF_GOOD_REASON]

Skelodwarf

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Re: Reg
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2010, 10:14:04 pm »

Reg: *Whistles a merry tune* I'm a just minded mah business walkin around in this locked room, that is strangely open to the sky.
Gobbo McGoo: aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH *THWUMP*
Reg has cancelled walking around merrily, interrupted by goblin.

Viewpoint swap!

The spinning flying goblin hits reg in the head. The skull is smashed into the brain, an artery is severed. Reg has been shot and killed!

Deceased.
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I never really got that excited over Microcline... Oh wait, THAT blue stuff.

ledgekindred

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Re: Reg
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2010, 12:11:14 am »

Gather 'round little goblin children and let me tell you a story from when I was much younger. 

Many years back we set siege to a dwarven fortress.  We had 80 goblins, strong and true, armed with pikes and swords and maces.  Our leader rode the back of a mighty Rutherer, leading our war beasts brought from the depths of the earth.  We believed we had the advantage of surprise when we arrived and saw the gates standing open and we plunged through.  Out from under the mountain came a dozen dwarves, their armor dull and dented and their weapons stained, singing a song of battle as they drove towards our forces.  Only a dozen dwarves against our numbers!  Victory was certain!  We clashed, and the axes and swords began swinging, maces and hammers smashing.

We quickly realized how wrong we were. 

I saw my fellow goblins chopped into pieces and brains bashed through the backs of their skulls.  These dwarves were relentless, stopping for nothing.  Our blades bounced off of their armor and weapons were smashed out of our hands before we could swing.  Our battle beasts were swatted aside like insects.  Their axes sliced through our armor as if it were old cloth. Where their hammers struck, armor and bones crunched like dry insect husks. Before very long we lost all order and we were running about just trying to save our own necks.  I was one of the few who managed to slip behind the walls and run for the hills.  As we ran, I stopped and glanced back at the carnage.

This sight has been burned into my memory.  As the other warriors were wiping down their armor and weapons, out strode a dwarf.  His armor gleamed in the sunlight, a shining silver war hammer was propped on his shoulder.  He walked onto the killing grounds and looked around.  The other dwarves looked towards him and before I high tailed it out of there, I heard one of them yell, "Oi! Reg! Nae worry, we cleaned it up for yeh!" as another walked to him and smacked an armored fist against his shoulderplates in salute.

When I got back to our stronghold I told the Generals what I had seen.  We puzzled over this latecomer, but the more we discussed it, the more afraid we became.  I personally saw a dwarf decapitate a goblin and slice two others in half with a single swing of his axe.  Even our elites had fallen before them like untrained recruits.  These were hardened warriors, no doubt.  And yet... And yet...  Could it be that these dozen dwarves who slaughtered nearly 80 skilled goblins were but his guards?  What kind of warrior must he be that a siege of that size was an inconvenience, not worthy of his attendance?  That these dwarves who destroyed our forces did so as a favor that he might not dirty himself with such a task!  I tell you with no shame that we were afraid.

Remember the name "Reg," children, for this is the name that all goblins fear.
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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

krenshala

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Re: Reg
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2010, 01:27:16 am »

ledgekindred ... if only that wasn't too long to fit into my sig block!  Very well written! :D
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Quote from: Haspen
Quote from: phoenixuk
Zepave Dawnhogs the Butterfly of Vales the Marsh Titan ... was taken out by a single novice axedwarf and his pet war kitten. Long Live Domas Etasastesh Adilloram, slayer of the snow butterfly!
Doesn't quite have the ring of heroics to it...
Mother: "...and after the evil snow butterfly was defeated, Domas and his kitten lived happily ever after!"
Kids: "Yaaaay!"

ledgekindred

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Re: Reg
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2010, 08:44:56 pm »

Heh, ty krenshala.

First siege since the OP.  Fairly small, just three squads with bow, pike and sword.  Reg plowed into the first squad and went bonkers.  Martial trance and all.  Eight kills.  He pretty much eliminated the pike squad all by himself.

Sorry, I meant "Reg Violenttool the Basic Luck of Irons."

What a great name too.  Grats, Reg!
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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

glopso

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Re: Reg
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2010, 10:49:08 pm »

Heh, ty krenshala.

First siege since the OP.  Fairly small, just three squads with bow, pike and sword.  Reg plowed into the first squad and went bonkers.  Martial trance and all.  Eight kills.  He pretty much eliminated the pike squad all by himself.

Sorry, I meant "Reg Violenttool the Basic Luck of Irons."

What a great name too.  Grats, Reg!

So he really WAS that badass!
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ledgekindred

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Re: Reg
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2010, 12:34:04 am »

The two dwarves stood under the crisp sun of early Winter.   Reg watched as Udib slowly paced back and forth across the grass, stopping every so often and tapping his feet impatiently as was his habit.  "Tired of bridge duty already, Captain?"  Udib stopped his pacing and grinned, "Ah lad, ye know we all take our turns.  Keepin' the thieves out an' all'at.  It's not so bad out in the cool this time 'o year."  Reg nodded and turned back to watching the hills across the drawbridge.  Dwarves occasionally passed through, hauling rocks or poking through the skeletons scattered outside the fortress gates, picking out whatever was still useful.  One or two claimed they just liked being outside.

Reg was always "the new guy" - the youngest and last to join the squad.  His mates liked to tease him about it, but he knew it was all in fun.  Nonetheless he had the bad luck, if you could call it, to have been off duty or just plain elsewhere when the fort had needed defending.  Udib, his Captain, already had 36 kills to his name, not even counting the war beasts he had put to their final rest.  It wasn't that Reg was particularly anxious for combat.  No, more that he wanted to prove to himself - and his mates - that he was just as capable.  He hoped inside that he was, but he felt that until a dwarf gets his first kill in the heat of battle, there was always doubt.

Udib paused in his pacing and said, "'ere. Domas's been off "be right back, gettin' me a drink" for a bit now.  Not that anythin's gonna happen, but he's on duty like we are and be damned if he's off drinkin' while we're out here.  Keep yer eyes open an' I'll come draggin' him back shortly."  Reg grinned and nodded.  Udib had started the walk back towards the fort entrance proper when Reg saw Lorbam, one of the stonemasons, come running back towards the bridge.  Reg only had to hear the word "SIEGE!" to know that it was about to hit the sand.   

Udib heard the yell too, but by the time Lorbam had made it close enough to sound the alarm, the goblins were already over the hill headed towards the bridge.  Somehow they had managed to sneak up almost to the entrance without being spotted.  A squad of goblin pikemen, their leader in heavy armor, was as good as inside the fortress already.  As Lorbam passed him, Udib grabbed his shoulder and said, "You sound the alarm, boy, we'll hold it up as we can 'till the lads get here!"  The anxious mason nodded and ran on. 

Udib gripped his hammer and turned back to the bridge to see Reg already headed across, straight for the group of pikemen at the other side.  He whispered to himself, "Oh, bloody hell, Reg."  Then he started running.

When Reg heard Lorbam's warning, he tightened the straps on his helm, shrugged his shield at hand and cocked his hammer over his shoulder - he was ready.  Until he actually saw them.  Evil looking creatures, snaggletoothed, skinny, eyes glinting from under their crude helms.  It put him to pause for a moment, but he shook himself, took a deep breath and said to himself, "This is it Reg.  You're ready." and he charged.

Udib saw Reg charge into the first goblin with his shield, knocking him back senseless.  His hammer went up.  His hammer came down.  And now there was one goblin less.  But one less of a dozen still left Reg outnumbered.  Udib charged into the fray but the goblins had already closed in around Reg.  He crushed a goblin's skull into pulp, turned and took on the next one.  The crunch of ribs shuddered its way up his arm.  He put his foot against the remains and wrenched his hammer loose.  He turned into the next attack and he saw Reg.

Reg wasn't seeing goblins.  He wasn't hearing the crunch of bones and armor. He didn't feel the juddering impact as he deflected the thrusts of pikes with his shield.  He saw only hazy shapes outlined in shining silver.  White noise was in his ears.  Everything moved in slow motion.  His actions were part of one continuous, fluid motion, as if choreographed.

His hammer swung towards a vague shape, passed through the ruins it left behind and moved on to impact the next.  His shield moved of its own accord, blocking an attack here, then swinging around and ruining the face of the goblin next to him.  He ducked under an attack and shattered legs.  He dodged and with a back-swing punched a goblin's heart out through its spine.  One came inside his hammer; his hand reached out for its helm and thrust its head against his armored knee.  He shifted to the left and yanked at the pike as it came under his right arm, brought his elbow against the back of the goblin's head and snapped its neck.   

Reg danced.

When his vision cleared, he was surrounded by the crushed and pulped remains of seven or eight goblins.  He stood panting for a moment and saw Udib and Domas with their hammers, Ducim and Rith with their axes, finishing off the remains of the scattered pike squad.  Udib walked towards him with a slight frown on his face, said "All right, lad?"  Reg nodded, "All right, Captain."  Udib chuckled.  "All right then, Reg."

Reg nodded his head back towards the hills and said, "Captain?  There'll be more.  Let's go guard the bridge."  Udib shook his head and chuckled again, "Good idea, lad.  Oi!  Back to the bridge, lads!  None get through and none get away, eh!"

They jogged back and joined the rest of the squad inside the wall to repel the rest of the oncoming siege.  Reg was ready.
Logged
I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0
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