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[Il Palazzo]

There’s a raccoon trapped in the bathroom...again
It fell through the skylight...again

Now, I don't know your bathroom arrangement, but I want to imagine the skylight is directly above the loo, and the raccoons regularly fall on the lap of people taking a dump.

[Kagus]

So your female friend subscribes to pickup artist tactics??

Yep, apparently! And to make it worse, subscribes to them from the position of the target.

And this isn't even the first time I've gotten that sort of advice from women... It's deeply disturbing. Especially when combined with some of my other experiences, where I've been told by gals that they can't have sex with me because I'm really great and they think there's a chance of something real.


What the absolute fuck is wrong with people?

[JoshuaFH]

I wouldn't ascribe any negative qualities to these hypothetical people, other than what seems to be the typical spineless motive of wanting to reject someone without hurting their feelings. Really nothing surprising there.

I thought about the reverse pickup artist motive, and my first thought is that it's just the ordinary desire to have your cake and eat it too; of wanting to be the desired object, but also the desiring object. Or: Wanting to play offense and defense at the same time; to be the picker but also the pickee. It obviously sounds unrealistic, but from my perspective of looking at the dating scene outside-looking-in, everyone's motives and actions are deluded and irrational, so that seems plausible to me.

I wouldn't follow her advice Kagus. I wish I could offer replacement advice, but it would all be speculation on my part, considering it's not my scene, I'm not you, and I'm not a success by any stretch of the word.

[pikachu17]

go out and be as cold and uninterested as possible, flirt a little bit with my target, flirt a lot with everyone else, ignore her for the rest of the night, and then towards the end just sorta walk past her. "That works", my friend assured me.

Of all of that advice, how is being uninteresting going to work? I mean, the whole thing seems stupid, but at least it makes some sense. How exactly does being uninteresting = desireable?

[Reelya]

You're confusing "uninteresting" with "uninterested"

It's the difference between being boring, and being aloof.

The point of the  "being uninterested" thing is that you are more desirable if you don't seem desperate. The point of the
flirting with other people is that it makes you seem like you have more options. All this creates more mystery and makes you seem like a better catch.

[Il Palazzo]

Uninterested. Not uninteresting.
You're supposed to be an aloof Mr. Darcy, not a dull Johnny Potato McBlandperson.

[MrRoboto75]

Dating rules are fucking stupid and inherently contradictory for literally no one's benefit.

[Reelya]

These aren't "rules", they're what people have observed to work. it's not "rules" that have been imposed, it's observation of basic social dynamics.

EDIT: the reason these "rules" come about is because dating isn't a completely random process. You can't just expect to do "whatever" and expect optimal outcomes. There are some things which are predictable based on how you choose to act. So it's a non-random process, and a lot of people have similar experiences, therefore we can observe that certain patterns of actions lead to certain patterns of results. This is just pure observation and learning from previous people's mistakes, not the imposition of some sort of arbitrary "dating rules".

The rules are not contradictory, each of those things has a well-thought out reason for why it improves your chances. Being aloof means you don't talk too much. Talking to multiple girls makes you seem more desirable, while also seriously boosting your chances (in a numbers sense) and giving you more experience talking to a range of girls. If you just sit in the corner talking to one girl all night you'll probably bore her and you're missing out on possible other connections, so if that one girl decides you're not for her, you've blown not just that one chance, but every other potential chance of the night.

[MrRoboto75]

Except you can barely talk to anyone anymore because everyone is paranoid of everyone else.  The situations you're actually allowed to approach someone shrinks every single day.  It used to be meetup.com but now it's just single men hunting women.

Why bother when women can hide on a phone and swipe away for dreams of someone better.  Standards have never been higher.  Hell, why talk to strangers at all when your friends are in your pocket 24/7.

[Doomblade187]

Except you can barely talk to anyone anymore because everyone is paranoid of everyone else.  The situations you're actually allowed to approach someone shrinks every single day.  It used to be meetup.com but now it's just single men hunting women.

Why bother when women can hide on a phone and swipe away for dreams of someone better.  Standards have never been higher.  Hell, why talk to strangers at all when your friends are in your pocket 24/7.

*Waves at friendly Bay12er*

But yeah, I only talk to people because I'm outgoing. I would be a much worse phone addict if I was introverted.

[Reelya]

I haven't read the whole post, but you're wrong about what meetup.com is.

It's not a dating site, it's a site for starting clubs. It has literally zero use for dating, since you can only browse clubs, not people: it doesn't have facilities for setting up 1:1 dates, only club meetings.

[dragdeler]

-

[MrRoboto75]

I haven't read the whole post, but you're wrong about what meetup.com is.

It's not a dating site, it's a site for starting clubs. It has literally zero use for dating, since you can only browse clubs, not people: it doesn't have facilities for setting up 1:1 dates, only club meetings.

People often give the advice of joining a club/activity to meet women with simular interests.  Meetup is a big list of clubs/activities.

Of course now all of the clubs are just men looking for women, because humans love ruining shit.

Nonetheless meetup does list singles groups.

[Ulfarr]

If you don't mind me chiming in this,

Yep, apparently! And to make it worse, subscribes to them from the position of the target.

I think you misunderstood your friend. What she told you isn't something that will make the girl to instantly like you enough to hook up. It's basically a way to show her that you are somewhat intersted in her and can make the first move (initial flirt), that you aren't clingy and she can have some "space" if she wants it (ignoring her after some point, not forcing your company on her) and that she in turn has to work* for your attention if she wants to take things further with you (ignoring her and flirting with others** at this stage "forces" her to compete with the other women for you). All these serve as a bit of a challenge for her and makes you more desirable in her eyes.

Think of it like a video game. Having to overcome some challenge in order to win is infinitely more fullfilling and exciting than being handed the victory succefully launching the game. Human relations are somewhat similar to that.

* Again don't expect that she will just give you hershelf instantly, she will try to give you some stepping stones in that direction.
**Don't overdo it though, flirting with every woman in the bar will be seen as desperation.

...where I've been told by gals that they can't have sex with me because I'm really great and they think there's a chance of something real.

What the absolute fuck is wrong with people?

This is more likely just an excuse, because those girls were simply not that into you. In addition, it can also be a form of "damage control", those women probably don't know how well or more importantly how bad, you will handle the rejection so they try to say it in a subtler way. I'm not saying that you are going to do anything bad to them but it's not uncommon for people to become aggressive in these kind of situations, so again someone who doesn't know you that well would opt for the "safest" option.

[MrRoboto75]

Yeah but what if human interaction wasn't a psychic war