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Author Topic: Controvesial Elf Theory  (Read 12108 times)

EvilFuzzy9

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Controvesial Elf Theory
« on: November 08, 2010, 02:55:53 pm »

I think that one of the best things about a fandom is the crazy ideas and theories that are formulated by the fandom. 

Keep this spirit in mind as you read the following theory: I recently had a sudden realization: Elves don't bitch complain about you cutting down too many trees because of any religious dogma or belief -- they do so because dwarves and all the other races (presumably) cut down trees without planting replacements.  And elves, being extremely long-lived, can see firsthand the negative effects deforestation has on the lumber industry, and, being so long-lived, an elf can plant a seed or more for every tree he or she cuts down, and then cut down those trees once they are sufficiently mature, and repeat this process several times over throughout the course of his or her indefinite lifespan.  Thus, they understand how to run a sustainable tree-economy ("treeconomy", if you will). 

So to the elves, whose entire society depends on lumber products, other races cutting down trees all willy-nilly without bothering to plant replacements or think about the future both scares and angers elves profoundly *cue every df player reading this proceeding to cut down every (in game) tree they see solely to spite 'those pointy-eared bastards'*.  This is because they have had enough interaction with other civilizations to know that when (not if) the humans/dwarves/goblins/whothefuckeverelse run out of trees -- only to realizes that the elves still have plenty of trees -- will do what any self-respecting civilization in need of resources held by another civ would do (if you don't know what that is, you need to call every history teacher you ever had and inform them that they failed miserably at their job).  And the elves want to prevent this any way they can. 

It's just that "any way they can" seems to involve acting like self-righteous dicks and being infuriatingly condescending to the very people they are trying to keep from destroying everything they hold dear.  So, yeah... if nothing else, elves are still idiots.
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Nihilist

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2010, 03:00:49 pm »

Considering they make everything out of wood and aren't exactly know for otherwise being hippy elves (grizzly bear trade, corpse devouring) that makes a lot of sense.
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de5me7

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2010, 03:15:22 pm »

trees grow back in the game. Replanting may increase local abundance, but since the player can only operate 1 fortress in game at anyone time, and since it is restricted to a tiny fraction of the game world, the relative destruction of trees is very minor.
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EvilFuzzy9

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2010, 04:07:46 pm »

trees grow back in the game. Replanting may increase local abundance, but since the player can only operate 1 fortress in game at anyone time, and since it is restricted to a tiny fraction of the game world, the relative destruction of trees is very minor.

True, but I imagine it's safe to assume that the player's fortress is not the only faction cutting down trees.  And, if I remember correctly, the Elven diplomats usually say something along the lines of "these trees are of particular importance to us, but we are willing to part with n of them."  And reading that statement with this particular theory in mind, one could very well infer that the trees you're cutting down belong to the elves...  :o ???

Elf 1  :( : Crap, crap, crap! 
Elf 2  >:(??? What? What is it?
Elf 1  :( : Remember how you said that one day the humans/dwarves/goblins/whothefuckeverelse would use up all their wood and proceed to take ours...?
Elf 2  >:( : Uh, yeah::) I mean, geeze, it was only the single most formative event in the history of our civilization.
Elf 1 :( : I think it's already started.  :-[
Elf 2 >:( : ... ... ... Goddamnit! *Sigh* Get me my !!Mahogany Longsword!!.
Elf 1 :( : Oh, so we're gonna kill the dwarves?
Elf 2 >:( : What? No! That would be unreasonable. We're going to send a diplomat to insult them and make absurd demands. We don't kill them until after they kill our diplomats and/or rob our caravans a few times.
Elf 1 :( : Oh! That's sneaky! ... wait, then why did you want me to get you your sword?
Elf 2 >:( : Because I dislike you, so I am going to kill you, then cook you, then eat you to absorb your essence and thereby become that much stronger.
Elf 1 :( : ... oh. *Is stabbed with burning sword*
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discuscardscorys

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2010, 04:18:39 pm »

I must admit that I have mixed feelings about this idea. On the one hand, it makes a great deal of sense and helps explain a part of the game that had never really added up in my mind (i.e. why it was ok for the elves to cut down trees etc. but not for anyone else to do it; 'Because they are lunatic hippies' never really did it for me). On the other hand, accepting your theory would make it rather more difficult to complain about the elves, which is great deal of fun.
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Untelligent

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2010, 04:23:10 pm »

Trees take a long time to grow back by themselves, though. In my last major fort I had to ration my wood carefully because after I deforested the whole map my treeslayers could only cut down a few at a time.
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Quietust

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2010, 04:47:12 pm »

This still doesn't explain why they complain about me cutting down tower-caps and other assorted giant subterranean mushrooms...
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Shadowgandor

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2010, 04:59:51 pm »

"An open mind is like a fortress, with its gates unbarred and unguarded'

This seems to be the case here. Do not symphatize with the heretics, they are evil and must be purged!
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Cthulhu

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2010, 05:00:45 pm »

Naw guise.  Elves worship nature.  You're basically cutting down their saints and wise men.  With the proper reverence and rituals, they can coax the trees into giving wood freely, maybe even in a way that doesn't hurt the trees (See: Night Elves in Warcraft).

They also worship tower caps and the like. 

What no one ever wonders is why they're okay with buying stuff like strawberry wine.  Maybe they consider smaller plants to be vermin or livestock.
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Zrk2

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2010, 05:06:20 pm »

Or elves just want to go to war with everyone so they can eat their corpses and become less pansy. Or maybe they are a whole race of Masochists! We are simply giving them what they want.
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Virex

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2010, 05:16:29 pm »

This still doesn't explain why they complain about me cutting down tower-caps and other assorted giant subterranean mushrooms...


Principle. The idea to keep a sustainable relation with nature is so ingrained in their culture that they hate all uncompensated destruction.


Also, it could be interesting if they worship nature without holding parts of nature as sacred per sé, in a sense of "Give for what you take" instead of "don't disturb"
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Nihilist

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2010, 05:33:41 pm »

Naw guise.  Elves worship nature.  You're basically cutting down their saints and wise men.  With the proper reverence and rituals, they can coax the trees into giving wood freely, maybe even in a way that doesn't hurt the trees (See: Night Elves in Warcraft).

They also worship tower caps and the like. 

What no one ever wonders is why they're okay with buying stuff like strawberry wine.  Maybe they consider smaller plants to be vermin or livestock.

Remeber that many religious practices came from long standing best practices and tradition, or in other words the proginator Elf got tried of explaning it to the youngins after the nth time and started saying "becuase they are sacred!" and laid out the law.
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EvilFuzzy9

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2010, 06:10:34 pm »

I must admit that I have mixed feelings about this idea. On the one hand, it makes a great deal of sense and helps explain a part of the game that had never really added up in my mind (i.e. why it was ok for the elves to cut down trees etc. but not for anyone else to do it; 'Because they are lunatic hippies' never really did it for me). On the other hand, accepting your theory would make it rather more difficult to complain about the elves, which is great deal of fun.

Oh, there's no reason you can't still complain about them -- no matter the reason for what they do, they're still dicks about it, after all.  Like I said at the end of my first post "if nothing else, elves are still idiots." 

And those short jokes are completely unwarranted.  :'(
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Dae

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2010, 06:22:16 pm »

This is an interesting point of view. I had never thought of ot this way. Thank you.
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breadbocks

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Re: Controvesial Elf Theory
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2010, 06:25:13 pm »

The fact is, Elves are cannibals. We won't stand for that. So, we hate everything else about them.


Oh, and we're dorfs, and they're elves.
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