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[feelotraveller]

I would hope the asshokes that shoot from the road while drunk wouldn't be either but that's probably asking too much of the universe.

OT: I read this as 'asschokes' and was suitably amused.

[Naturegirl1999]

I would hope the asshokes that shoot from the road while drunk wouldn't be either but that's probably asking too much of the universe.

OT: I read this as 'asschokes' and was suitably amused.

i read it as well and was confused

[None]

I would hope the asshokes that shoot from the road while drunk wouldn't be either but that's probably asking too much of the universe.

OT: I read this as 'asschokes' and was suitably amused.

Helps stabilize your toots and reduces fart bloom, right?

[Naturegirl1999]

I would hope the asshokes that shoot from the road while drunk wouldn't be either but that's probably asking too much of the universe.

OT: I read this as 'asschokes' and was suitably amused.

Helps stabilize your toots and reduces fart bloom, right?

Fart Bloom could either refer to the fart radius (most likely) or as my weird brain thought just now, the blooming of a Fart Flower, a plant that releases fart lime fumes to deter animals. If something farts near it, it can collect the gas and store it for later use, resulting in older fart flowers having the scent of multiple species’ farts…why brain? Why did you do this? I suppose it is technically me doing this…maybe I should start a thread for weird fictional plant ideas

[anewaname]

Wait... what happens when there is a field full of these flowers and some fleeing deer runs through the field. Would the flowers release gas fast enough to suffocate the deer or slow enough that the following predator would be caught? Are these flowers intentional or accidental carnivores? How dangerous are they for packs of wild canines?

[dragdeler]

Where are they gonna sap all the farts from? Fart bloom can't kill deer. It's all zero-sum farting.

[Naturegirl1999]

You know how leaves have stomata for gathering gasses for photosynthesis? We’ll Fart Flowers have a separate set of leaves for collecting fart gasses and any excess is stored in their stems

[King Zultan]

This is the kind of thing that leads up to the plot of that movie The Happening, where it turns out everybody killed themselves when they smelled all the plants farting at them.

[Arx]

I recall a short story written... some decades ago? Where someone released a DNA-altering virus that cranked up senses of smell massively. With exciting, mostly suicidal, results.

[LordBaal]

I real life one get used to it, quickly. And newborns would not even blink.

It would do change several things like perceiving supposed infidelities, or detecting lies or fear easier. Also drugs.

It would be useful for detecting explosives and other materials too.

[ChairmanPoo]

In the story the problem came when humans became aware of certain intangible beings, resulting in a war

[dragdeler]

  "They're made out of meat."

  "Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

  "Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

  "That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

  "So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

  "That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

  "Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

  "Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

  "No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

  "So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

  "Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

  "Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

  "So what does the meat have in mind."

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

  "We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

  "They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

  "I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

  "Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

  "Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

  "I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

  "I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

  "So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

  "Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

  "A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we can marked this sector unoccupied."

  "Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again."

  "They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

[None]

  "They're made out of meat."
snip

I'm rather perturbed by the implication that hypothetical extradimensional non-meat-bearing aliens would use 'omigod' in casual conversation, particularly since the notion of singing is so perturbing to them.

[Frumple]

Notion of singing meat, specifically. Singing itself isn't perturbing.

So far as the omigod thing, they probably weren't, y'know, speaking english. It was just the closest equivalent to whatever the actual words would be.

[Egan_BW]

https://youtu.be/T6JFTmQCFHg