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Author Topic: Dwarven Limericks  (Read 39179 times)

Ganthan

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Dwarven Limericks
« on: December 23, 2010, 10:07:39 pm »

Every day now I check the update page and every day I think, "Sigh, no version update today.  Maybe a version update tomorrow."  Then out of boredom I tried to come up with some limericks.

A humble little fort in the hills,
Sealed off from the outside with grills,
Full of laboring crews
And dog tallow stews
And caged goblins for easy skills.

I just made a big pile of bolts,
Unfortunately, my dwarves are all dolts.
I want them to train,
Instead they abstain,
And my army now wants to revolt.             (Bad, I know, but you come up with a good rhyme for bolt.)

They complain about long patrols,
And their clothes are now full of holes.
I awoke from my snooze
And said, "You've still got some booze,
Now shut up and go kill some more moles."

My fort is now caught in a spiral
From which there's no hope of revival.
Excuse the bad pun
But wasn't that fun?
Your computer has now become viral.
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Puriri

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2010, 10:09:59 pm »

Very funny!

twilightdusk

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2010, 10:23:41 pm »

hmm, let me try...

The dwarves they embarked on a mountain
but discovered that they must abstain,
from a hoard of trees,
just littered like leaves,
because the elves said "no," the stains. (just pronounce mountain such that the rhyme works ^^;;)

In a desert, the sun so hot,
lived some dwarves who'd rather not,
'twixt the scorpion bite,
the buzzards with flight,
and not enough booze to allot.
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A man would see that as a difficult challenge.
An elf would see that and despair.
A dwarf would see that and say, "Bring it on."

leftycook

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2010, 10:57:44 pm »

deep in the earth it was hot
and the dwarves down there dug a lot
till they dug much too deep
and unearthed a creep
now their eyes are afflicted with rot

this is harder then it looks ;_;
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Rattyboy

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2010, 11:27:02 pm »

Lefty, that was good.

Limmericks -- esp good ones -- are hard. 

Good limmericks are vulgar.

There was a dwarf from Osselfeeling
Who built a catapult with no steering
And sadly it broke
right in mid stroke
And now his guts are on the ceiling.
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leftycook

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2010, 11:45:40 pm »

there was once a fortress called polishedballs
where the dwarves dined in cavernous mountainhalls
then kobolds came stealing
millitia death-dealing
now urist is urist von splattermauls
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ElthMysterius

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2010, 12:00:14 am »

In a way most entertaining
The dwarves would keep complaining
"I'm unhappy" they say
And to have their way
A baby was punched and bleeding

A forgotten beast from the deep
Came in the fortress to creep
Found the dwarf Monom
Went Om Nom Nom
Now on Urist it wishes to feed

(close enough)
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"Strike the earth!"
"A section of the cavern has collapsed"
"Your fortress has crumbled to its end"
Yeah, in the future you probably shouldn't strike the earth quite so hard

Mr. Argent

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2010, 12:20:37 am »

In a fortress on a mountain far away
There reside Dorves, as far as one can see
A GREAT PRIZE below the earth lays
Below a great fiery sea

However, like pride goeth before a fall
and how Weariness comes with age
TOO MUCH will destroy them all
and cause the player plenty of rage.

Their numbers increase as do days,
And as such their power waxes,
leaving the mastermind in a haze,
as the men swing their axes.

What begins must also end, however - And in the end, hell will run
But remeber you, oh REMEMBER you always: Losing is fun!
« Last Edit: December 24, 2010, 11:52:12 am by Mr. Argent »
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Urist McVenom Cancels strange mood: Being exiled.

FearfulJesuit

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2010, 12:25:29 am »

In Boatmurdered there were pachyderms
Who killed its dwarfs like they were worms.
But it happened one day
That some magma got away
And the corpses consumed by !!germs!!.
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@Footjob, you can microwave most grains I've tried pretty easily through the microwave, even if they aren't packaged for it.

leftycook

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2010, 12:30:19 am »

there was once an unfortunate derf
who had dug up the wrong square of turf
with some smoke and a fall
descended a wall
and the fortress fell into the surf
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NotPete

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2010, 12:37:58 am »

It's the overseer's demand!
The river must be damed!
And with great strife,
The pumps sprang to life,
And water flooded the land.

The water is replaced by a wall
and the flow begins to fall
But in a unfortunate blunder
The plans where torn asunder
as there is flooding in the meeting hall

An unfortunate, but true, story.
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CapnUrist

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2010, 12:41:56 am »

In a fortress on a mountain far away
There lurks seven dorves, working all day
Carving out rooms, for work and for rest
Digging for gems and hoping for the best

And seeking the COTTON CANDY most of all
But beware, Dorves, Beware - COTTON CANDY Goeth before a fall.

Tha's nae a lim'rick!

For Urist and Zefon and Kol,
Every day seems just filled with patrol.
As they marched on the wall,
There came a sharp call:
"Goblins come! Three score and their troll!"

And Kol and Urist and Zefon,
Could see the brutes marching on.
Elk birds under rumps,
And heads like green lumps,
Well-lit in the brightening dawn.

And Zefon and Kol and Urist,
Took up their crossbows with earnest.
Their day had now come,
When they would be one
With the tales of the brave and the surest.

And after a deal of bloodshed,
Two of those three dwarves lay dead.
Kol's head had been split,
And Zefon'd been bit
By the troll, who stood chewing his head.

And Urist looked out to the sun,
And saw that the goblins had won.
And Urist remembered,
as he was dismembered,
His mum saying "Losing is fun!"
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"My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber [...] and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."

Don Blake

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2010, 12:48:35 am »

A Dwarven Sonnet

My dwarven beard, you see, is long
It trails along the floor my friend
It will behoove you to see I'm strong
Before you meet a messy end

If theft is on your mind, kobold
You have no hope of winning through
This fortress is vast and old
There are plenty of traps for even you

If you've come to steal a child
Well sir goblin I wish you the best.
Our children are rather wild,
And we could do with rather less

But if you come to make a siege,
We'll send your heads back to your liege.
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MagmaMcFry

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2010, 09:03:49 am »

And Urist looked out to the sun,
And saw that the goblins had won.
And Urist remembered,
as he was dismembered,
His mum saying "Losing is fun!"

Awesome. Just totally awesome. Sigged.
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Mr. Argent

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2010, 11:49:37 am »

Tha's nae a lim'rick!
T'Was in the mood for something a mite more... Shakespearean. and i haven't had practice in a while.

EDIT: You seem to have read the old version. i've made some major revisions.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2010, 11:51:13 am by Mr. Argent »
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Urist McVenom Cancels strange mood: Being exiled.
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