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Author Topic: Bacon Tree  (Read 17395 times)

Girlinhat

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Bacon Tree
« on: February 16, 2011, 04:58:27 am »

As usual, I was sitting around watching my dwarves go about their daily lives.  They ran from groundhogs, they admired fine doors, they stood on tables, and they refused to wipe their feet as they walked anywhere.  Then lo, my farmer because preoccupied, and goes On Break for the better part of a year.  The food supplies, never having been amazing, were depleted quickly, and the citizens resorted to picking bushes like common elves and butchering animals for their meat.

Dear Urist, my most faithful of stone haulers, stopped then, turned to the heavens and said, "Ey you!  We're busting our asses down here building this tower out of pure charcoal and falling down starving on ornate gold floors.  We're doing all this for you, the least you could do is provide us with some bacon!"

And I, in my infinite wisdom, replied, "You would only weaponize it and hurt yourself...  not that it matters, because I was going to do this anyways.  It was totally my idea that I had before you said it now shut up you're going in the danger room naked!"

One tantrum spiral and perversion of nature later, and the bacon tree was born.  This is a majestic thing of beauty, modest in design but unparalleled in use and value.  They're native to tropical regions, such as tropical savannas, shrublands, forests, and other very warm climates, where its fruit can easily crisp in the hot sun.  Bacon doesn't cook on a glacier, now does it?  They occur with reliable frequency, easily visible by their thin, golden brown branches and strips of fried delicious fruit.  Understandably, the consumption of bacon yields no seeds, nor is it possible to brew into alcohol, but this Armok-blessed fruit is edible straight off the branches and cookable into any meal!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I shit you not, a bacon tree.  Although, not really a tree, the game classifies it as a "shrub".  It's harvested by a herbalist, produces no seeds, so it's only gathered in the wild and not cultivated (although this can easily be changed as desired) or brewed into alcohol, processed into vial or barrel, or anything like that, but it can be cooked into a meal.  They occur in any tropical region, again easily mod-able, are generally pointless except for novelty value.  But admit it, you love it...

Just add the previously spoiled code into plant_standard.txt and gen a new world.  Sorry, won't work in an existing world (probably).

EDIT: This is made to use with Mayday's graphics, so the appearance may not fit perfectly for all graphic styles.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 04:59:58 am by Girlinhat »
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MarcAFK

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2011, 06:22:51 am »

Are you mad, bacon alcohol?
Sounds like the best shit in teh world i gotta go research the possibility of making it in RL.
edit: oh i misread, you can't brew bacon from a tree :(
anyway, this sounds great.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 06:24:59 am by MarcAFK »
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

shmelse

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2011, 06:36:25 am »

this all reminds me of one of my favorite Onion AV articles ever, about bacon flavored vodka.

quotes from the taste testers, in case the name alone didn't get you:

"The bacon really masks the taste of the vodka. Now there needs to be something to mask the bacon taste. Maybe more vodka!"

"It smells and looks and feels like a vodka tonic, so your body goes, 'Oh it's a vodka tonic.' Then it hits your stomach and your body's like, 'Oh, it's bacon, maybe I should go throw up.'"

srsly, i love that article, so thanks for reminding me of it. and Girlinhat, what could go wrong with bacon vodka? admit it, now that i've mentioned it, you know you want to... both for your dwarves and irl. enjoy! <3
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"Aye, th' fortress o' Barbedgear. They say th'r was a dinin' room dere...o' such splendor tha' it'd reduce ye te tears! Masterful engravings lined th' walls! Th' food was endless!"

"An' th' tables?"

"Oh, those fuckin' TABLES...*weeps gently into beard*"

Encased in burning magma

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2011, 06:37:13 am »


What?
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Girlinhat

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2011, 07:04:09 am »

Very well.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Add this block of code within the previous block of code, location doesn't really matter so long as it's within it.  This makes bacon brewable into Bacon Vodka.

Are you happy now?!

MarcAFK

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2011, 07:22:49 am »

I  just read that bacon vodka article and now i wish to try bacon-maple-syrup-vodka on my pancakes with bacon,maple syrup and vodka..
Edit: with bacon icecream too ofc http://www.deliciousdays.com/archives/2010/06/29/bacon-ice-cream-with-a-hint-of-maple-weird-but-in-a-good-way/
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

Girlinhat

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2011, 07:28:39 am »

I refuse to mod in bacon cheese...

...at least not until the next update, at which point I'll be like "ohshit bacon cheese and chickens that lay bacon eggs!"

MarcAFK

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2011, 07:55:28 am »

And they can sit on bacon stone chairs : http://www.webref.org/geology/b/bacon_stone.htm
" b. An old name for a variety of steatite (rock gypsum), alluding to its greasy luster. See also: speckstone"
Not to be confused with :
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

Girlinhat

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2011, 07:59:06 am »

...you've been waiting for a chance to bring out these articles and pictures, haven't you?  I can imagine you, rubbing bacon across your bare chest as you fantasize about the day that your secret bacon fetish would prove useful to you and make others envious.

shmelse

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2011, 08:06:39 am »

i guess now is as good a time as any to bring in this...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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"Aye, th' fortress o' Barbedgear. They say th'r was a dinin' room dere...o' such splendor tha' it'd reduce ye te tears! Masterful engravings lined th' walls! Th' food was endless!"

"An' th' tables?"

"Oh, those fuckin' TABLES...*weeps gently into beard*"

MarcAFK

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2011, 08:09:27 am »

...
I think i'm going to have some weird bacon themed nightmares tonight.
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

shmelse

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2011, 08:12:49 am »

...
I think i'm going to have some weird bacon themed nightmares tonight.

as though a dream about bacon could ever be a bad one!  /scoff

... oddly, though, i do have a large bacon repertoire. one last for the road!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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"Aye, th' fortress o' Barbedgear. They say th'r was a dinin' room dere...o' such splendor tha' it'd reduce ye te tears! Masterful engravings lined th' walls! Th' food was endless!"

"An' th' tables?"

"Oh, those fuckin' TABLES...*weeps gently into beard*"

MarcAFK

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2011, 08:19:38 am »

BRB bacon.
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

lowbart

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2011, 09:52:19 am »

Real life needs more raw modding.


> Farmer won't plant food
> Need food that grows without farming
> Invent new plant that grows bacon

U MAD, NATURE?
WHAT IS FRUITS?
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slink

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Re: Bacon Tree
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2011, 11:50:34 am »

What flavor does vodka have that needs masking?   ???

Don't get me wrong, I love the flavor of bacon.
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