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Author Topic: Dwarf Fortress Commercials  (Read 20516 times)

Fniff

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #75 on: April 17, 2011, 07:46:40 pm »
-A dwarven mother is tucking in her child.-

Child: Mummy, I think there is a nasty wizard in my cabinet...

Mother: Don't worry, Urist... It's probably just a demon.

Child: Eek!

Mother: Or a kobold, or a bogeyman, or a unicorn, or a blood spider, or a zombie rat, or a ghost, or a skeleton hamster, or a fire imp, or a magma crab, or a cat. It isn't wizards, I can tell you that much.

-The mother kisses the child goodnight and wanders off.-

-The child is terrified.-

Cat: Meow?

Narrator: Dwarf Fortress: Where even the bedtime stories are terrifying.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2011, 07:49:18 pm by Fniff »
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Raging Mouse

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #76 on: April 18, 2011, 02:22:28 am »
Quote from: Fniff on April 17, 2011, 07:46:40 pm
Narrator: Dwarf Fortress: Where even the bedtime stories are terrifying.

That's what bedtime stories are supposed to be. Sleep only six hours, compared to my nine will ya? Well lemme tell you a little story that will keep you awake and quivering for three hours...
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Crazy Cow

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #77 on: April 18, 2011, 11:36:36 am »
My own contribution to this overflowing pot of awesomeness.

[Male announcer]
Fantasy.
[Dragon rearing, spewing flame, surrounded by human figures]
Epic legends of the battle between good and evil.
[A shot of hordes of black-armored foes clashing with an army of silver-clad knights]
Adventures that captivate the imagination and hope for a better life.
[Cut to shadowy humanoids fleeing from a lone figure standing in front of the rising sun]
This is not fantasy.
[A dragon chasing burning dwarves]
This is Dwarf Fortress.
[A goblin army charges a giant wall with a moat of magma and a rain of arrows]
Losing is fun...
[Dwarves standing around a pit underground, glowing with greenish light and spewing forth shadows and fire]
And you will have fun.
[Shot of an overflowing volcano, with the caption Dwarf Fortress: Winter 2012]
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 12:55:27 pm by Crazy Cow »
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Oliolli

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #78 on: April 18, 2011, 12:45:51 pm »
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Quote from: Girlinhat
When all you've got is an adjustable spanner and an entire freight warehouse of terrifying cogs and gears, everything looks like "just a prototype".
Quote from: ThatAussieGuy
You all turned Swordthunders into a bastion of madness that seems to warp in on itself under its own hatred of sanity.  I'm so happy!
Quote from: Loud Whispers
drowning babies everywhere o-o

Crazy Cow

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #79 on: April 18, 2011, 12:56:25 pm »
*palms face*
And my great-grandfather was a Grammar Nazi, too. Fixed and remembered.
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Satarus

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #80 on: April 18, 2011, 01:07:30 pm »
[Pan shot of New Zealand]
"The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts. 
[shot of goblins charging a fortress]
Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."
[floodgates slam down and magma pours in]
"..is not one of those stories"
[shot of a dwarf grinning like a madman has he pulls a lever]
Dwarf Fortress.  Coming Soon!
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Quote
You need to make said elf leather into the most amazing work of art.  Embed it with every kind of gem you have, stud it with metals, and sew images into it.  Erect a shrine outside your fort with that in the center.  Let the elves know that you view their very skin as naught more but a medium for your dwarves to work on.

Karnewarrior

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Re: Dwarf Fortress Commercials
« Reply #81 on: April 18, 2011, 05:15:00 pm »
Quote from: Satarus on April 18, 2011, 01:07:30 pm
[Pan shot of New Zealand]
"The histories of the world are filled with stories and legends.  Of heroes slaying mighty beasts. 
[shot of goblins charging a fortress]
Of armies clashing against one another.  Of good triumphing against impossible odds.  This..."
[floodgates slam down and magma pours in. Then the floodgates close. Then they open again. Then they close, and open, and close...]
"..is not one of those stories"
[shot of a dwarf grinning like a madman has he pulls a lever repeatedly.]
Dwarf Fortress.  Coming Soon!
Fixed.
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