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Author Topic: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!  (Read 50834 times)

CJ1145

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X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« on: April 21, 2011, 10:38:10 pm »

CHAPTER 1: STITCHES AND SPACE JETS

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
X-COM, they called it. A defense program set up by the nations of the Earth to fend off some sort of alien invasion. They feared that, worst-case scenario, a full-scale invasion could devastate the planet and end up with everybody enslaved under a new regime. Lucky them.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My name is Gendo Ikari. I'm not supposed to be here. But apparently someone decided these idiots couldn't run the show themselves, so they plucked me from beyond to have me try and corral this bunch of headless chickens into a cohesive unit. I don't quite understand how they stitched my legs back on, but I'm grateful.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They asked me what my skill level was, as far as military command went. Apparently I was in need of a grade-school level refresher course. I picked Superhuman, more out of spite for these thickheaded idiots than confidence in my own abilities. Not that I'm lacking.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

After they were finished with the briefing a couple of techies took me up in a jet to orbit the planet. They told me to pick a good spot for a base.



: Now, I'm not trying to question your judgment or anything, but is there any reason we had to take a jet trip up here instead of using Google Earth? Or, you know, a map?

: Mr. Ikari, X-COM is the most scientifically advanced group in mankind's history! Take advantage of it! Why look at a map when you could fly a jet into space?

: I'm not going to answer that. It would just encourage you.



So here I am, staring at the Earth from on high, trying to find a suitable base. I'm open to suggestions.

Spoiler: Why yes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 10:02:11 am by CJ1145 »
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Phantom

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2011, 10:43:11 pm »

Must, somehow, finish, TFTD, LP...


MEANWHILE:
Name: Ikari Gendo
Gender: Female
Preferred Equipment: Heavy Plasma, Alien Grenades. Medkit.
Bio: Gendo Ikari's illegitimate sister trying to subtlety kill him so she can collect his skull/
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sonerohi

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2011, 10:46:36 pm »

Name: Uriel Sohryu
Gender: Male
Equipment: Laser Rifle

Might I suggest the west tip of northern Africa? Good coverage for Africa, Europe, and a sliver of South America.
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breadbocks

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2011, 10:57:14 pm »

Name: Codecimal the Prolonged
Gender: Male
Preferred Equipment: (Rotate between these each incarnation) Most accurate, incendiary, Pistol x2.
Preferred Class: (Again, rotate) Sniper, Pyro, Scout
Important Stats: (;s separate incarnations) FA, Reactions, bravery, strength; FA, Strength; Reactions, TU, bravery
Bio: Due to an accident involving a model railgun, a jet engine, and some concentrated Carbon, Codecimal regenerates extremely quickly after death, resulting in what was first called "Jesus Syndrome", but now "Carbon Curse", due to the extreme morbidity of it all, which makes him in effect revive shortly after death. At first, the recovery was all over the place, making some lives extremely retarded, and others positively genius, but around the 37th time, it fell into a standard rotation of three mindsets. Currently, he has reached his 53rd life, and is in the first of his states, nicknamed "Dead Eye" by his monitoring physicians, where he has the most common sense, and also extreme muscular control, which lets him be very precise with his otherwise shoddy rifle. The next in the set is "Firestar" which translates to a paranoid schizophrenic who has a taste for pyromania. Last, is "Guido", characterized by utter douchebaggery, a fake Italian accent, slicked back hair, and an overblown sense of his own abilities, so he is usually the first to barge into a party.
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Cerej

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2011, 11:15:30 pm »

Huh.  I'm actually seeing one of these starting.  Anyway, I think Gendo would go with what he knows.  Since he doesn't have ancient prophetic scrolls telling him where to build his base, he'll build it in Tokyo because it worked last time.

Also, since he's a bastard one of the first eight soldiers has to be Shinji.  Let's see how quickly the abusive parenting leads to tragedy.
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IronyOwl

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2011, 11:35:03 pm »

Sounds like a plan to me.

I'll join but am drawing a total blank for characters right now. Sure they'll be dead in ten minutes anyway, but that's no excuse for shoddy... whatever you'd call that.
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Itnetlolor

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2011, 12:54:02 am »

Profile Pic:
Name: Lizzy Shinkicker Lucifon (Ikari)
Gender: Female
Weapon: Plasma and Alien 'nades.
Bio: Princess of the Underworld, raised by dear old dad (and a bunch of on-lookers it seems in his past life), and apparently the forces of hell and an unholy grail. Hell got boring, so I've decided on extraterrestrial genocide. I think Dad would be proud; plus, if our past experiences are something to go by, I can't die, I'll just wake back up in home and join back at a later time if I'm up to it. Seeing as my magic seems to be a bit of overkill, I guess I can nerf my power down a bit with some alien technology. Then again, I still think I'm going easy on them.

Addendum: Why am I out of place time-wise and still looking young? IMMORTALITY BITCHES!!!! Oh yeah, Hi Dad! How's the next life going? It's been roughly 780-odd years since I last seen your scheming face. Last life a drunken swordsman, and nowadays an XCOM Overseer? If your past life is anything go by, you might run this undergound. Seeing as I own the underground, I can use the extra company.

FAKEEDIT:
Somebody had to do it.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 01:46:26 am by Itnetlolor »
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The Scout

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2011, 01:08:47 am »

Name: Scout
Gender: Male
Stuff: Laser Rifle, smoke grenade
Bio: Durr.
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IronyOwl

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2011, 01:39:56 am »

Name: Stitch Hills
Gender: Female
Stuff: Medical things, and things that help her not die
Bio: Stitch is pretty sure everyone's going to die, but figures she can avoid that by staying back and patching up the people dying in front of her instead. Tends to have a mildly cheerful, you're-all-going-to-die attitude.
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Simmura McCrea

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2011, 03:27:44 am »

Name: Simmura McCrea
Gender: Don't care
Preferred Equipment: Autocannon with HE rounds, grenades. Stuff that goes boom or sets stuff on fire is good.
Bio: Referred to XCOM from a psychiatric institute. Will vote for explosions regardless of the situation.

EDIT: Add another M to Simmura every new clone. Don't ask why there's already 2.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 04:49:09 am by Simmura McCrea »
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warhammer651

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2011, 09:38:56 am »


Name: KHARN
Gender: KHARN IS A MAN
Preferred Equipment: KHARN WANTS THE MOST DAKKA HUMANLY/ALIENLY POSSILE
Bio: KHARN GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN. ONE DAY, KHARN HIT HIS HEAD SOMETHING AWFUL, CAUSING KHARN TO REFER TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. AT THAT POINT, KHARN ALSO PICKED UP A COPY OF THE ORKS CODEX FOR WARHAMMER 40K AND FELL IN LOVE WITH THE CONCEPT OF DAKKA. KHARN SEEKS A GLORIOUS DEATH ON THE BATTLEFIELD,  BUT DAMN WELL INTENDS TO TAKE NO LESS THAN 20 ALIEN/HUMAN SCUM WITH HIM.

his favorite color is crimson, and his religion is Other (Fill in Blank)___BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD___
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CJ1145

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2011, 11:17:17 am »

CHAPTER 2: SEALES and Shinjis

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Thankfully, some voices in my head have informed me that the best strategic location will be the tip of Western Africa. That's all well and good. The rest of the world can burn in extraterrestrial fire, but at least we'll save some giraffes.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was surprised when the scientists told me that the base... already came with a name.

: *sigh* All right, I'll bite. Which one of you misspelled SEELE?

: Um, I named the base sir, why do you-- *whap* YEEARGH! Oh God, my nose is bleeding!

: Oh, sorry, I was trying to break it. I'll do better next time.



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

After I convinced them that I was quite finished with the space jet (which they apparently call a Skyranger) I was brought down into this little hellhole. For a state-of-the-art multinational alien defense force, X-COM is just about the shittiest example I can think of. They asked me if I wanted to take a look at the dissection lab. Thinking fast, I fled into my office to interview the new recruits for my ground forces.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

My first victim.

: So, Mr... Decimal, is it?

: Codecimal, the Prolonged.

: Right, that. So Mr. Decimal, why are you here at X-COM?

: Aliens need their heads picked off, and I'm the best at it.

: At... picking alien heads? Is that a thing?

: Indeed it is, sir. And I'm the best.

: ... Welcome aboard.



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What. The hell. Is this. This one's got some questions to answer.

: All right kid, I'll bite, why do you have name backwa...rds...

: Brother? Is it really you?!

: ...What?

: Do you really not recognize me? It's me, your long-lost little sister Ikari Gendo!

: Asuka, what the hell are you doing here?

: Who's this "Asuka"? I've never heard of her before, but she sounds quite charming!

: I... I... just get out of my office, Asuka.

: Ikari.

: Fine, Ikari, whatever, just go!

Well, with that ordeal done I wonder what other blasts from the past they have in store for me.



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

No. No no no no. I sent that little runt to fight before, and I got my fucking torso bitten off, I'm not dumb enough to do that to my own son twice! Get Shinji out of here, send him home, I'm not doing this!



: Okay, is he out of earshot? Guys, Shinji is one of the most promising fighters we've ever even SEEN! We're keeping him, just try not to clue Director Ikari in, all right?



Well, first Asuka and now Shinji. Are there just no competent fighters for them to use in this timeline? Well, no matter who they choose it couldn't be less insane than--

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

: Hi Dad!

: ... Lizzy?

: I heard you might need some help fighting aliens, so I came!

: Uh-- *thud*

: Daddy? Why did you faint?



Okay, these scientists are bastards. Did they recruit my entire family to fight the alien menace? After some very convincing arguments, in the form of shattered noses, they agreed not to summon up anyone else I knew. I sat back down and tried to regain my composure to interview the last few recruits.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Well, this looks promising.

: So, Mr. Scout, what can you bring to battlefield that no one else can?

: I'm gonna headbutt ya!

: Wait, what? *thud* Ah, damn it! My nose! Is this what I've been doing to people?!



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not much to say about this interview, the applicant looks combat-ready. But they kept muttering something about a "second M", as if they were disappointed. Warrants further investigation.



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

: So Mr. KHARN, it says here on your bio that--

: I AM A MAN!

: Yes, I was just getting to that. So, how are you going to combat this alien menace?

: WITH GUNS! REALLY REALLY BIG GUUUUUUUNS! DAKKADAKKADAKKDAKKDAKKA--

: All right, yes, I understand you KHARN, you're on the team. We could always use another meat shield.

There was supposed to be another interview that day, but I'm fairly certain there was a mix-up in the recruitment process.



Spoiler (click to show/hide)

: So, Ms... Stitch, is it?

: Aaaah, chipikiwaba!

: Pardon me miss, I didn't quite catch that?

: Miki-miki nakachibiwakababa! Aaaaaaa-ha-hahahahaha!!!! *smash*

: That vase was priceless!



After a long, and very painful process, the fake Stitch was removed from my office, and we found the real applicant. Some boring girl, I won't go into details at the moment.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So here we are at, ugh, SEALE HQ. We're low on funds, low on equipment, low on manpower, low on brainpower, and there's an enemy invasion fleet on its way to Earth. What now?

Spoiler: Post-chapter comments (click to show/hide)
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warhammer651

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2011, 11:23:45 am »

Recruit as many scientists as possible and get to work on lasers


Also: I'm Linkara? AWESOME!
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EuchreJack

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2011, 02:34:49 pm »

RE: Changing picture sizes->Nobody cares.  Just keep posting.

Keep up the good work.
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IronyOwl

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Re: X-COM Genesis Evangelion -- A Poorly Thought-Out X-COM LP!
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2011, 03:01:08 pm »

Hehe, excellent.

Also, 10 Bravery. :P
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"Next, you're gonna wanna fuse the soul of a god with the devourer of time and space and cook it into a nice curry, which you'll find the instructions to in our previous video."
2,500+ chapters about slapping faces
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