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Author Topic: What Would Urist Do?  (Read 634196 times)

Bumber

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8985 on: May 10, 2018, 05:12:32 am »

Drown, then become the subject of a masterwork engraving.

WWUD if he forgot a forgotten beast?
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

Rockeater

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8986 on: May 10, 2018, 05:38:08 am »

Go back to his work and see it on his way there.

WWUD if he doesn't have a free bed and the elven merchant come.
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Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
Also, don't forget to contact your local Eldritch Being(s), so that they can help with our mission to destroy the universe.

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8987 on: May 11, 2018, 05:46:37 pm »

Hold a crossbow to the head of one of the elf merchants and force him to brutally fell one of the trees just outside the fortress to use for a bed. The elf is of course sobbing profusely the entire time.

WWUD if he accidentally embarked on top of a vault?

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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

acomposerofdreams

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8988 on: May 12, 2018, 02:23:43 am »

Becomes the subject of the first update of Fort "Fuckmurdered: Boatmurdered ain't got shit on us!" and promptly be forgotten.

WWUD if a goblin bard petitioned to live in his fort?
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King Zultan

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8989 on: May 12, 2018, 11:20:52 pm »

Strip him of his instrument and put him in the army.

WWUD if he was forced to join the military.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
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fishboyliam

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8990 on: May 14, 2018, 01:24:58 pm »

Probably the same thing all soldiers do; die to some bullshit syndrome from a titan or beast.

WWUD if after decades of development he developed sentience and realized the nature of his reality?
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Jbehler64

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8991 on: May 14, 2018, 02:02:57 pm »

Nothing. He would be limited by his own capacity to act and his environment.
We are all cogs in the machine.
...
He would also get that little red stress arrow.
Then be culled for it by a gamer who didn't want to deal with tantrums.

WWUD if he worked in an office?
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vanatteveldt

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8992 on: May 15, 2018, 02:21:07 pm »

WWUD if he worked in an office?
Nothing. He would be limited by his own capacity to act and his environment.
We are all cogs in the machine.
...
He would also get that little red stress arrow.
Then be culled for it by a gamerboss who didn't want to deal with tantrums.

WWUD if he embarked without a pick?

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fishboyliam

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8993 on: May 15, 2018, 02:43:44 pm »

He would dig with his bare hands. Gotta get underground SOMEHOW.

WWUD if he woke up one day and realized his pet dog had gone missing?
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pikachu17

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8994 on: May 15, 2018, 03:12:05 pm »

Put on a newly-made Dog leather vest.

WWUD if he realized the vest was made from his dog?
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A warforged bard named Gender appears and says"Hello. I am a social construct."

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8995 on: May 15, 2018, 03:23:24 pm »

Get an unhappy thought every time he dons the vest, and spend half of his remaining time remembering every occasion he wore the vest, which will eventually add up into a series of unpleasant memories of putting on said vest that will ultimately drive him to madness.

WWUD if he was forced into an arranged marriage with an elf, in order to maintain peace between the dwarven and elven civs?

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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

Jbehler64

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8996 on: May 15, 2018, 05:12:17 pm »

Kinky, yet surprisingly pleasant marital interactions.
Think Legolas and Gimli.

WWUD with infinite power and infinite magma?
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Bumber

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8997 on: May 15, 2018, 05:44:46 pm »

Get unjustly blamed for a failed mandate, then flood the offending noble's room with magma. Unfortunately, Urist happened to be the sole engraver of the room, and this makes him very angry. He accidentally beats his beloved pet to death, and is driven to the brink of madness shortly thereafter. Urist looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!

WWUD if a deranged dwarf with infinite power and infinite magma set about a mysterious construction in his fort?
« Last Edit: May 15, 2018, 05:55:46 pm by Bumber »
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: What Would Urist Do?
« Reply #8998 on: May 15, 2018, 06:14:02 pm »

Say a silent prayer to his deity of worship and feebly cover his head with a shield.

WWUD if his fort was sieged by a goblin civ whose master was a clown...no, not the usual ones, a LITERAL circus clown?
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.
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